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    Nakalanzi's Avatar
    Nakalanzi Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 3, 2007, 10:27 AM
    Feed up with my husbands friend I want her to get out of my husbands life.
    My husband has go a friend, they have been friends for quit a long time. I am sick of her, you want to konow why? She used to email him email with some strong words, e.g. Hi sweetheart am missing you so much but I can't call you, please at least text me heavly love Lety. How are dear? You are so much out of me please call mi. Lety cares. How is my co? I don't care even if she wants you to read her books only I will not give up. Much love, Lety. etc. I told my pertner when I read them as we had not secrets hidden from ach other. I understand you like your friend and I do not what to stop you from being friends, would you please remind her that you are married, there words we write to single people and married people. Guss what he answred? I can't do it, that's the way she is. They nolonger write to each other but do communucate over the phone. I still see the messages on his phone asking him to call her. When he does she sends an other text to say thank you you have mad my day. He does delete them as he doesn't want me to read them, but most cases when he does I have already read them. But I am too quck because I don't want to miss any updates. She is not in the UK luckly they can't see each other, she is in my country where we come from. My husband says he does not love her she is just a friend. But because of what am reading from her messages, make me feel that maybe she is so desperate to get my man. Of which my husband doesn't agree with me. And tha makes me feel down. What can I do about it??
    Resty
    nauticalstar420's Avatar
    nauticalstar420 Posts: 3,699, Reputation: 423
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    #2

    Oct 3, 2007, 10:35 AM
    I just recently went through something like this with my husband. This girl was calling him on his cell and sending him about a million messages online (the messages said about the same thing as the messages your husband is receiving). He says it was innocent, and even if it was, that girl was still crossing the line. The more and more I read these messages, I got more and more angry. Finally, I think he could see that I was absolutely fed up, and I think he was scared I was going to leave. He finally cut off all contact with her, and we haven't had any problems out of her since.

    I told him this girl is crossing the line, she's putting her nose in business where it doesn't belong, and this is adding unneeded stress to our lives. I got very angry with him, and would barely even speak to him. I know it makes me sound selfish, and like I have to get my way, but that's actually not the case. He has a lot of friends that are girls that stay very well on their side of the line.

    You need to have a serious talk with him. Tell him how you feel, and that you aren't going to put up with it anymore. In my situation, it came down to asking him "whats more important? this girl, or your family?". I was actually getting that fed up. Luckily for you, she is nowhere near you or she'd probably be up his butt in person too.
    donf's Avatar
    donf Posts: 5,679, Reputation: 582
    Printers & Electronics Expert
     
    #3

    Oct 3, 2007, 01:52 PM
    Back up a minute, culture is a big player here. In the UK sex and boundaries are completely different from here in the US. For example, when my nephew got married in the UK, the brides mother got up and announced to family and friends that they were marrying even though there was no bun in the oven.

    So yes, that may me the way her heritage allows here to be, but that does not mean you have to accept that behavior. Sit good ole hubby down and explain to him that her choice of words is very unsettling to you. Because it is inferring a relationship between her and him that he should not be in. It is causing you worry!

    If he again says that it's nothing and that's the way it is. Remind him that it is not acceptable behavior in any case and just because he doesn't see the harm, it's still hurtful to you.

    One other thing, please try to remember that most guys waddle through line in a near brain dead condition. We don't see harm or danger because we don't know why anybody else would want us. We just don't think that way.

    As an example, let me impart a little adventure I had once. I was working in Fort Lauderdale, Fl and was heading up to Boca Raton for lunch with my wife. As I pulled up to a stop sign to make a left to go to Boca, this lady steps over to the car and asks me if I wanted a date for lunch? I said no, I have a date with my wife, she tells me that she's a very good date. I said sorry. When I told my wife what happen she starts howling with laughter. Seem I was to dumb to know I was being solicited by a prostitute.
    grammadidi's Avatar
    grammadidi Posts: 1,182, Reputation: 468
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    #4

    Oct 3, 2007, 02:06 PM
    Excuse me, but if a woman texts a married man calls him sweetheart, signs it 'heavenly love' and says that she won't give up, she is NOT a friend. You need to tell your husband to s%$t or get off the pot. I know that what I would say! I'd tell him that this so-called 'friendship' must be ended immediately. If not, then he can continue it when he has packed his stuff and moved into his own place. I think that as long as you allow this to happen you are heading towards disaster. Why is it so hard to ask for the respect you deserve as his wife?

    Hugs, Didi
    ancachirosca's Avatar
    ancachirosca Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Oct 5, 2007, 05:25 PM
    Hello there...
    I wouldn't say I`m going to be the best to advise you, of this is not my job, but I would definetely think you have to try and stop this. I`ve always thought there is no possible friendship between a married man and a woman up to that point, until my husband had a female friend... for about 7 months I would say or maybe less. And I sort of changed my mind for a while as she was coming in my house( without me knowing about it, only my husband did know about it), they were even going out for a drink from time to time... anyhow that's not really your case, as she`s not here. Well anyhow, let me tell you that they actually slept together... he said it felt wrong, which I doubt it as what actually felt wrong was me finding it out the same day...
    So anyhow, coming back to my point, there`s actually no friendship between a married man and another woman... it`ll always lead to sex. I`m sorry, but you have got to stop it before it`s not too late.
    I had exactely the same thing with text messages, which he was always deleting them in time, until I actually found it out.
    Hope you`ll be strong enough to say your point of view, and truly I don't know why a man can't say to another woman" its time to stop. it`s bothering my wife". I would think it can't be that hard. After all, he decided to share his life with you...
    Good luck to you and be firm!!
    donf's Avatar
    donf Posts: 5,679, Reputation: 582
    Printers & Electronics Expert
     
    #6

    Oct 6, 2007, 06:38 AM
    Time out!

    I'm a married male and I several friends that are female. Actually they are more like acquaintances.

    I haven't slept with anyone but my own wife, thank you very much. BTW, most of these ladies are common friends with my wife. However, I do take care not to put myself or the ladies in any compromising positions, more out of respect for the other ladies than myself.

    If there is to be a meeting with another woman, I always let my wife know the where, when and why. Lastly, my wife is more than welcome to come with me any time any where.

    Problems start with deception and my one cardinal rule is never do anything I cannot tell my wife about!
    Marily's Avatar
    Marily Posts: 457, Reputation: 51
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    #7

    Oct 6, 2007, 08:52 AM
    I think your husband should consider how this messages make u feel. This woman has no right writing these messages to your husband. Maybe you should phone her and tell her how u feel.
    igivebadadvice's Avatar
    igivebadadvice Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Nov 5, 2010, 05:03 PM
    I would choke a *****.
    vinukutty's Avatar
    vinukutty Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Jun 7, 2012, 10:45 AM
    Hi,

    I had similar experience so it would be appropriate if I share what I have done.

    Some times male fails to understand how we feel when we saw this kind of messages, rather asking him to speak to the girl you tell you would like to meet her, invite her to home and treat her with full love and affection. Once she left, if she is good she will ask for you when ever she speaks to your husband and stops such kind of message, if she continue such kind of message there is no point of hesitating to tell her how you feel.

    Meanwhile speak to your husband and say how you feel, tell him it looks simple for you but this is creating gap between us. So please tell her my wife didn't like the way you write the message. If he say he will tell, then it is fine fine or if he say he will not do that ask tell him you shoulkd understand gap between us will increase because of those kind of message now it is up to you if you want to keep and end to it or I am sure I will not be happy even if she calls you and our life will not be good.

    If you say those words very softly am sure he will understand as you have mentioned there is no secrets between you both.

    All the best..
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
    Uber Member
     
    #10

    Jun 7, 2012, 11:58 AM
    [QUOTE=vinukutty;3143952]Some times male fails to understand how we feel when we saw this kind of messages, rather asking him to speak to the girl you tell you would like to meet her, invite her to home and treat her with full love and affection.[QUOTE]


    This is NOT the wife's problem. This is the HUSBAND'S problem, his to control. Invite the "other woman" into my home and treat her with love and affection? You have GOT to be joking.

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