Hello,
I need advice! I feel like I've fallen out of love with my husband after 5 years of marriage. We have a 2-year-old son together. I don't feel attracted to him anymore... but I feel like I will disappoint soooooo many people, especially my husband if I tell him the extent to which I'm "just not that into him" anymore! He is a great guy and a great father. We don't have many things in common, we are both very busy and we have grown apart. All of the sudden I noticed, not only do we not spend much time together, but also the fact that we don't mind that we don't spend time together. I have started counseling and my counselor is skeptical that this relationship can be saved... I am planning to start some couples' counseling... but I don't know if my true feelings can be changed. Has this happened to anyone before? I would love more than anything to be in a happy relationship and to not have to go through a divorce. Can I get back in love with him? I haven't enjoyed spending time with him in a long time. I want to really be in love with my husband, I don't want to fake it.

Has anyone gone through a similar situation? I feel lost!

From what I have seen in marriages, all is normal with you too.

I think you need to spend some more alone time with your husband. Go out to dinner with just him (get a babysitter). That will give you a chance to talk to him one on one about your feelings, and his. A date night once a week, or once a month (whatever you need) can go a long way.

Step One - GET AWAY from that counselor.

Step Two - become an interested party in your husband's likes / dislikes. Things you've just lived with up to now can be the source of rekindling some commonality, so swallow your disinterest and learn about his interest.

I'm going to Private Message you some reading material suggestions, too.

If you're serious, you need to grab ahold of the commitment you MADE when you got married. Better or worse vows are aimed at what you're going through right now. No one can get you through this but YOU so you will have to educate yourself on the things that can help you not dismantle your family.

Hi FancyNancy888
I was and am in, from some point of view, similar situation as yours. And for more then 5 years!

So I suggest you could read my story “Fake Marriage” if you haven't yet.
I think all advices I got applied to you too, If you think about bit deep in your heart.

The most classic ones were:

From excon:
You made your bed - now sleep in it. There are no escape clauses in commitment…
Stick to your agreements.

And agreed by 450donn: Totally agree, You made your bed, now lay in it!

Then look the responsed from simoneaugie:
Excon, you make your bed, why is your life of crime over?
450donn, the thing you meant to say was lie in it.

So the question is: what you would feel? If you stay with your husband? Would you lie in it?

Ok, so I'm not married, but still, I've got to say... Can you honestly tell me that you expected to remain at a heightened state of "Head-over-heels-FIREWORKS-and-BUTTERFLIES in-love" for your entire marriage?? Things won't always be like that. There are valleys and peaks in all relationships, not just marriages. When one falls into routine: work, eat, sleep, repeat... things are bound to get DULL!! Seriously, "in-love" is hard work. It's not always easy to break out of the comfort zone of routine. It's not always easy to shake things up a little. But it's well worth it. Besides, if everyone got a divorce because they hit a valley, there wouldn't be many marriages. Stick it out, work on it, and if you truly feel that you no longer keep your vows or love him at all, then it's time to leave.

My husband and I have been together since we were both just teenagers ten years ago, and after three kids we have been here so you are not alone. We repaired our relationship and fell back in love with each other with a lot of hard work and commitment to making it work for us and our children. Our biggest problem was that we fell into a rut and got bored of each other and doing the same old thing every day, night and weekend. Finally we started experiencing new things together like fishing, camping, hiking, water skiing. We also started going on little family vacations like for one weekend we went to Virginia City (we live in Montana) with the kids. Another time we left the kids with my parents for a few days and went to Spokane for the weekend for some alone time. I guess what I am trying to tell you is that by finding fun things to do with each other again, and actually experiencing life again we fell back in love. With us we had lost that excitement in life and by doing new things with each other, and having fun with the same hobbies we fell back in love. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy, and we did have to work on a lot of communication issues too. I hope the best of luck to you.

Of cause everybody would try and work on it... everybody does!
The problem is how would you define if you "truly feel" that you on longer... then..

Making the post here for seeking advice desperately already told something.
I reckon its true feeling.

Yes, might be this marriage could be saved, but by what?

Love found you back after working on it?
Or Fear bring you back after grieving in it??

Only his and herself knows.

Ok, maybe I wasn't clear or maybe your aren't understanding me. Either way, what I mean by "working on it" means working on spicing things up. And no, not EVERYONE does that. I know many people who settle into the humdrum routine of daily living without changing anything. They take the same roads everyday, they buy the same foods, they go to the same restaurants, they do the same stuff. And that is truly hard for some people getting out of a comfort zone like that. Heck, my aunt gets her hair cut at the same barber as her husband. Talk about un-sexy. Lol. The thing is, it doesn't have to be a major change. It could be as small as trying new foods, getting lost on a country road, experiencing something different and fun, maybe reliving a first date. Those could help people regain a lost spark. It's all about the thought you put into it, and it takes effort. But the effort is worth it.

I understood what you meant and yes, I absolutely agree with your effort, and also yes, I had done what you said too.

What I meant was you and only you know whether it’s "working on it" for love or “pretending on it” for fear?

Well yeah, I would think so. But why anyone would want to fake it is beyond me.

Good question, why most of people live in fake?

I think (just my view), just because most of people live in fake, you have to be fake to deal with this fake world.

So, the only way to live in truth is trying to make yourself be surrounded by as many true-self friends as possible and leave false-self as far as possible.

But it's very very hard! Our survive condition hasn't yet to reach that point where you could be so free to choice where you want to live and who you want to be with.

Even worse, fake seems to be the essential skill to get better living condition.

OK dear
Have you ever tryied going out together for the weekened!
If not do so camping in the woods just the two of u!:) gives the time to learn a little more
About each other and allows you to recapture the feeling again well I hope I've helped I hope you do tyr this out!:) and let me know about it!

Best advice ever given to me by my mother in law is you fall in and out of love many times through out your marriage. TRUE

If you married in Church, then you promised GOD to love your husband through thick and thin. Love, is not a mushy feeling in your stomach. Love is not a dizzy feeling in your head. You don't fall in and out of love. Love is an act of will.

Do you love your son? Then for that reason and that reason alone, you should love your husband. Because I'm sure he loves his Dad and you would devastate his life if you abandoned his father.

That is totally up to you.

Sincerely,

De Maria