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and24 · Jan 14, 2008, 08:45 PM

Hi,
I wrote my story on here the other day... under the headline I DON'T KNOW WHO I MARRIED. Anyone that read all the conversations may have figured out that my husband searched my internet history that day, found my profile and question, and blew up on everyone for trying to sway my opinion. An no, Fr-Chuck, we weren't the same people writing in, you didn't have to close my account because of him. I am genuinely looking for help.
I told him to leave yesterday. I think we're officially separated now, I'm at the house with the kids, and he'll be staying at work (he has an apartment within the building). I still don't know if I'm doing the right thing. He's a nice, caring, good person, and I do love him. Our kids love him, and he's a great dad. Am I being too selfish thinking I'd be happier without him? I've had people repeat the wedding vows "for better or for worse" to me, saying this is the worst. And just because I didn't know all these awful things about him when marrying, it comes with the commitment. Really?

oneguyinohio · Jan 14, 2008, 09:22 PM

No one can really decide for you if you will be happier or not without him. If you do not want to work toward improving through the family counseling etc. then you have to go with your feelings.

I didn't think he said anything too harsh in his postings. He seemed like he wanted things to work and was worried that the one sided nature of some of the posts would only make matters worse between the two of you. I can relate to those feelings.

Give yourself some time to decide the best path. It might be that you may decide it will be worth it to try putting more effort into the relationship.

Don't feel trapped but open to your inner feelings. I'm not sure what the source of your depression is, but the level at which you are focusing on him as the cause for it all, might be something worth your consideration or reconsideration.

If he is the way you want him to be now, why is the past causing all of the concern now?

talaniman · Jan 14, 2008, 09:35 PM

Your situation is complex and very emotional. You both have issues and need to work on them, before you can figure out if this thing between you can be worked out. If your BOTH committed, fine. One person cannot make a marriage work. This didn't happen in a day, and things will not be solved in a day. You both need help, and you both should get it.