Hello everyone. This is my first post, so I will be as straight to the point as possible. Firstly, this has been the worse Christmas of my life. I married 3 years ago, and things were going fine, I have never been married before, so I knew the first 5 years are usually the hardest. We have 2 boys, a 2 year old, and a 9 year old, who is my step son. I love my family dearly. I spent 2 years raising my youngest, so my wife could finish off getting her degree. Things have been a bit hard between us, so we decided to spend Christmas together, which I thought would have helped us. We usually spend Christmas with her parents, but they moved away, 7 hours drive from us, and I wasn't in the mood for going because I am waiting for my results for prostate cancer. I have high blood pressure, and panic attacks as well, so I wasn't wanting to be round loads of people and putting on fake smiles, when things are not OK. My wife told them, and they seemed to be fine, then there was a phone call from her grandma, saying my wife's mom would be devastated if she never went up. She decided to go on the bus and I never went, and it broke my heart, because I raised my son and never seen him open his presents on Christmas day. I was so hurt, because I just wanted a Christmas with just us. I never keep her away from her parents, but was I asking too much? Because of all the stress I was put under, I actually suffered a mild heart attack. I am under the specialist and have to see counselors because of my state of mind. She has some holiday time in march, and she wants to go to her parents again, even though I suggested doing our own family things, like going away for a week. She said she will play it by ear She admitted that she never thought of me when she was planning the trip in march, but she never intended to hurt me, but all I want to do is make a family for us, and be happy, but she hurt me real bad, and her parents seem to have some kind of control over her. I suggested that I should move out for a while, but she dos'ent like that idea, and you have to earn your way out of a divorce. I am trying hard, but what ever I do, comes to no avail. She is a 29 year mother of 2, married, but I ask her where I come in to all this, because I feel I am in the corner of this marriage, just there to help her raise the kids.:confused:

You seem to have a huge communication barrier between you. Have you considered marriage counseling?

Thanks for your response. We did marriage counseling. I am always trying to communicate with her, but she will even admit to hiding behind a wall, and she needs to open up. She is a social worker herself, but I guess there good with other peoples problems, but not there own. I try real hard, I give her kisses and hugs and all the rest. The marriage counselor was great, but she told the wife things she wasent expecting to hear, and decided that the counselor was useless. I think she was expecting the counselor to tell me that I had allot to work on and so on, but it kind of went the other way. All I am trying to do, as I told her is to make us a family, but she choses her parents all the time. I even said I am going to leave for a while, she dos'ent want me to do that, but it seems to be what she wants all the time and my input into decisions, comes to nothing. I'm I selfish just wanting a quite Christmas with my wife and kids, is it wrong to spend holidays together? because she took off at Christmas with the kids, and she wants to spend her holidays with her parents. I know they are close, but what chance have we got together at this rate. I never felt so much pain, when she took my boy away at Christmas, and I wanted to just leave, but I figured out that would be wrong.

What does she say? Does she tell you she is happy with you? Does she try to be a good wife and show love in her own way even if it isn't the way you would consider ideal?
Does she tell you what she feels the problems are between you?
She probably does love you but has some other idea of what love means to her.
She may feel that letting you in more would mean letting go of a part of her and what she has established as her independence. Being a social worker she probably has an 'ideal' of what she considers being strong to doing her job and is putting more effort into the image she wants to portray.

Keep communicating with her and try to figure out ways that she responds to you more positively.