I've been married for 6 years and few months ago I started an affair with a married man. As I'm getting to know my affair I'm developing feelings for him that I wanted to avoid. I am so confused about what to do. He's not going to leave his wife and I'm not ready to leave my husband. Is this something I should continue with?

If someone asked you if they should continue to cheat on their spouse, what advice would you give?


--Cali

Honestly, now that I am in this predicament I am really not sure what advice I would give. Of course the first thing that comes to mind is STOP, but for selfish reasons I just can’t do it.

Cant... stop... cheating, huh.

... oof. Don't get me started on this. You're developing feelings with a guy you're sleeping with and you're shocked? Well, I'm terribly sorry to hear that...

If you want to keep your husband, then end the affair. If you want to LOSE your husband, then continue. Really. It's that easy.

Pray karma doesn't exist.

You are the kind of person, that makes most of us come to a site like this... quit being selfish. You are going to end up hurting your husband, especially if he still loves you. I just don't understand how people can admit their cheating, but say they aren't rdy to leave their spouse. You are cheating because aren't in love with your spouse anymore, leave him, and forget about this man you are having an affair with because he only wants you for sex. If he cared about you, he would leave his wife, and he's clearly not even thinking about that now

Well, honey, the only right thing you can do is break it off. Most people get caught in the end. If you know it isn't going anywhere, break it off NOW, LIKE TODAY, before you get hurt anymore. Sex creates intimacy, even if there isn't a relationship, and intimacy leads to the feeling you have started having for him. I know you're probably feeling caught in the middle right now, you probably still care for your husband on SOME level since you are still with him, and now you care for this guy too. That's rough, but there is only one thing to do to make it right. It will only get harder to stop as time goes by.
My advice is tell this guy the truth. Tell him you thought you could handle casual sex, but you can't. Tell him you are starting to care for him too much, and for the sake of both your marriages, you have to break it off. Then, go get STD testing if you haven't already. The guy could have given you something, and that is the last way you would want your husband to find out...
I know it's hard, but once you do the right thing, you will be able to hold your head up high again. Once it is all over, consider some marriage counseling to get your relationship and sex life with your husband back on track again. I think you want to stop seeing this guy, otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it. You may doubt your strength, but if you resolve to break it off, you may surprise yourself. You can do this! Good luck!

<Deleted due to inappropriaate language>

Thank you! Really, you have no idea how much I mean that.

As strange as this may sound I know all this, I know I should end it, I should have never started it. What can I say I am weak selfish human being.

I'm sure you had some choice words for me and I have to tell you, I don't need to hear that since I am going through some emotional hell right now, regardless of what the situation is. I know what I'm doing is worng on so many levels I can't even begin to count. What I need is advice not criticism.

"What I need is advice not criticism."

No, what you came here for was sympathy for doing something wrong. The person who should be here is your spouse, not you. He is the one who is going to be hurt because of WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

You didn't come here AFTER you broke it off with your affair or your husband. You didn't come here saying I did this and I was wrong, and I have paid for it. Now I need help to find my way back to being the good, healthy person I was before all this started.

You asked if you should continue an AFFAIR! What do you think people who are on this board are going to say to that?

What aiyerrc said is true. More than half the people on this board are here BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU. People who abused the trust, the love, and the feelings because they are selfish, insecure, or emotionally destructive.

Before you seek help, you have to the right thing. You think you're in hell now? Wait till you actually do the right thing. That's when the real hell will begin. And you have to go through that, because you did it to yourself. But hopefully you learn from your mistake. You still haven't.

You came to this board asking the wrong question. The question isn't should I continue this AFFAIR. The answer to that is easy. You should stop. And then tell your husband what you did. Then the real question is, how can I save my marriage?

The answers to that question, and the tone you will receive, will be vastly different.

Sorry I'm harsh, but you played a bad game. And you basically are trying to avoid pain which you have caused yourself, and worse, to your husband.

--Cali

Your going through an emotional hell that you created, so you can make the changes to get out. I encourage you to stop being weak the selfish human being you are (your words, not mine) and do the right thing here. Stop making excuse of why you can't, be honest and say you don't want to. You have to want change, before you can change.Thats my advice, you have to want to change.

I'm sorry a lot of these people are being so insensitive to your situation. I do agree with the fact that you are definitely in the wrong here, but I'm pretty sure you know that already. I have been in a similar situation and so I might know how you feel a little. It does suck. The only advice I can give you is to break it off as soon as you can, and I don't know what kind of a husband you have, but if you were able to talk to him about the problems that the two of you are obviously having that would probably help a lot. And just remember that you are not a terrible person. You made a bad decision because of something you were lacking in your life. So figure out what that is, and how to fix it, and then move on and live your life. I'm sorry for your situation.. it's always hard on everyone involved.

Be strong, honey. Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean you can't make things right. It may be hard, heck, it will be hard. But you can do it and you will get through it. The hard part will pass, and when it is all over, you will know that you did right and feel so much better. Remember that tomorrow is a brand new day, and it is never too late to start over.

Mami, Your emotional hell hasn't even begun yet, Your husband, family and friends don't know. I forsee the worst is yet to come. BIGTIME.
You got yourself in it get yourself out NOW! Before the Platonium Bomb goes off in your life. Cause it will, then you will be lonely, desperate and severely depressed.
Play your game know if you want, relish the feeling you have of attention, because it will disappear very very quickly and for a very long time.
Advise. DON'T CHEAT
You are trying to find ways of staying away from the electric chair after you have committed the murder. You have responsibility issues. You think these posts are critical, well we don't even know you. WHat till hubby finds out.

Thank you all for your advice. I have some soul searching to do. I know there's no easy fix or answer at this point.

Yes there is. As I pointed out you don't want to do what it takes to change.

Why don't you ask your husband see what he will say!

There is a real easy answer, stop any contact with this new boyfriend, and get marriage counseling to make your marriage work.

This is not a hard answer, you are only making it hard since you don't want to do what is right.

It can only get worst from here, a baby by him maybe, your husband leaves you, his wife leaves him but he blames you and leaves you also.

Thank you that's brilliant, why haven't I thought of that.