I really don't know if this is the area for me to be posting this question, but I am married to a guy who has a kid from a pervious marriage, and I love the child very much, so obviusly not my issue. My issue is the fact that when my husband was married to his ex; they had some issues and briefly got a leagal separation. Well during that time he had a "moment" with another woman, and got her pregnant. This is where my issue comes from. He pays child support on this kid, but because the other woman cheated on the guy she was with, she doesn't want him to see the child at all. I find this very wrong, and have lashed out more than once at my husband about this. My feeling are if he is going to set back and do nothing to fight for this child; then why is he paying at all? He is always complaining of how we are tight on money and all that stuff, so I told him to be a man, and stand up to this woman, and either demand a right to see this child or give up his rights, and quit paying the woman money. Am I in the wrong, or what should be done? After all the child is around 6 years old now; has never seen her "real" dad, and there is another man in the home that she looks at like her father. So why is it that my husband should continue paying? I am really confused when it comes to this, and need a lot of advise. Is there some one out there that can help me what is the right thing to do? I am right for telling him to sign over his rights, or should I just stay out of it, and when my husbad start to compain about it do nothing or say nothing? Some one please help me before my marriage ends to over a matter like this. :confused:

How does he know the child is really his? Is this child support court ordered or out of his pocket "under the table"?

Oh, I was going to ask the very same question. How does he know the child is really his. Very good questions from Shannonoleyar that need answering because if it is out of his own pocket, he could stop payment anytime. If court ordered and the question of who really fathered the baby comes up. Dna could prove one way or another who really is the father. If he is not then guess what dismissed.

I think it is great that you want to help out. It might not be your place but being his wife, this effects you as well. All you can do is give him suggestions but you can not force him to make decisions he does not want to make.

Joe

Ok, he is paying because he has to, you can not give up the obligation to pay, he can give up his rights to see the child, but the actual child support will have to be paid even if he gives up all his rights. ( this is why he is going to have to pay)

If the other man around the house was to adopt the child, your husband could stop paying but that is the only way.
You are blaming him for something that is not his to control.

Your husband must pay because he is the biological (and therefore legal) father of this child, whether he sees her or not. I am presuming that he was proven to be the father through DNA testing. He can petition the court for visitation rights but maybe he has his reasons for not doing so. Either way, he has to pay whether he sees her or not.

[QUOTE=shannonoleyar]How does he know the child is really his? Is this child support court ordered or out of his pocket "under the table"?[/Q

He took a DNA test, and I truly thing that any father who pays is a wonderful person, my issue is that the child looks towards the other man in the home as her father (not my husdand). He has asked her for pictures over the last 5 or 6 years, and yet she won't send them to him. He has never gotten to see her. My concern is that it would be in the best interest if he just signed over his rights, and quits paying. I am afraid that one day the child is going to find her birth certificate, and wonder who DAN is. And then not only is the mother and step-father going to have to answer, but so is my husband, and that is not fair to him, cause he has tried to have contact. He is always so depressed over that matter, cause he said that he ed up in the past, and there seems to be nothing I can do to ease his mind. When I give him advice; he only gets mad, and thinks that I am rubbing it in his face. Every time I mention him terminating his rights he says that he has tried, and that the state won't let him end his rights, and I just don't see how that can be when he isn't even involved with that child. Any advice is welcome. I need to know if I am over stepping my bonderies, or what. Thank you all for your imput.

He took a DNA test, and I truly thing that any father who pays is a wonderful person, my issue is that the child looks towards the other man in the home as her father (not my husdand). He has asked her for pictures over the last 5 or 6 years, and yet she won't send them to him. He has never gotten to see her. My concern is that it would be in the best interest if he just signed over his rights, and quits paying. I am afraid that one day the child is going to find her birth certificate, and wonder who DAN is. And then not only is the mother and step-father going to have to answer, but so is my husband, and that is not fair to him, cause he has tried to have contact. He is always so depressed over that matter, cause he said that he ed up in the past, and there seems to be nothing I can do to ease his mind. When I give him advice; he only gets mad, and thinks that I am rubbing it in his face. Every time I mention him terminating his rights he says that he has tried, and that the state won't let him end his rights, and I just don't see how that can be when he isn't even involved with that child. Any advice is welcome. I need to know if I am over stepping my bonderies, or what. Thank you all for your imput.

He took the DNA test and he is the biological Father and so he pays. Just like Fr. Chuck stated. Signing his rights away is not going to stop the child support. The courts take the dimmest view of this.

There are some MN resources on the web for child support and parental termination.

Welcome to Minnesota Child Support Online

DivorceNet - Termination of Parental Rights

DivorceNet - Step-parent Adoption