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    BattleAngel14745's Avatar
    BattleAngel14745 Posts: 99, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member

    Jan 8, 2007, 10:33 PM
    I've been with my husband four years now but just recently married. I was wondering if anyone struggles with cleaning the house? My husband and I have two totally different definitions of what "clean" is. When my husband cleans I can barely even tell he did anything. He tells me I'm overly obsessive about cleaning the house, but I don't think I'm any different from the next person. How do you break the bachelor clean to normal clean?
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
    Uber Member

    Jan 8, 2007, 10:50 PM
    Just like breaking something down to a child. For example. When you tell a child to go and clean his room - you know what you are saying, but that child does not know your expectations, and most likely will get it wrong (according to you) but has tried. So making cleaning the bedroom a goal - you break it all down to workable objectives. Something achievable so that when part one is done, part two can be next, and so on.

    I realize that your husband might not be too favorable about this approach and you do not have to use it - but to explain what is all entailed in "cleaning the bathroom" - how could he then come back and say he did not understand what you were talking about?

    I had married a slob - a mama'a boy who never even made his own bed - his mama did it. Should have tip number one. Lol... But he learned, eventually. I learned also, that my standard of hilex clean was over the top and we could survive with a bit less. THAT was a tough lesson to learn, believe me, but once the children started coming, it was a matter of what made more sense.

    I used the same method with my kids when teaching them about keeping their rooms clean, cleaning out the garage, etc. It worked better - they knew what all is expected and I did not pull my hair anymore.

    If your husband just does not "get it", which is totally possible, you have my sympathy. An option would be to hire a cleaning service a couple hrs a week to take some of the load off your shoulders. Good luck!
    BattleAngel14745's Avatar
    BattleAngel14745 Posts: 99, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member

    Jan 9, 2007, 02:34 AM
    Hey thanks for the advice! Why is it so many men always had everything done by mom? Then when they marry it turns from mom to wife? Sometimes, I feel stuck because I will ask him to do something and he will but it will be done poorly. Then I will say something and he feels I'm attacking him and he can't do anything right. He tells me everything I do you just go back and redo. I know it's wrong of me to redo but when it's done poorly what's the point?
    ordinaryguy's Avatar
    ordinaryguy Posts: 1,790, Reputation: 596
    Ultra Member

    Jan 9, 2007, 06:28 AM
    A friend of mine used to say that there are three things that have to be settled to make a marriage work: Dirt, Money, and Discipline (with kids). Feigned incompetence is a tried and true strategy for getting out of doing stuff. I agree that detailed instruction in how, exactly, you like to have it done (show him) is a good counter-strategy. If he still won't do it up to your standards, then you have to decide how important it is to you. You can either escalate the struggle, relax your standard, or give up and do it yourself. Keep in mind that tolerance for dirt and disorder is a matter of personal preference, not a moral issue. Negotiate to a solution that both can live with.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855

    Jan 9, 2007, 06:34 AM
    Rule in or house if you want it done a certain way do it yourself.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692

    Jan 9, 2007, 07:35 AM
    Yes I used to sweep and use one of those wet cleaning tools over our kitchen, my wife used to fuss that I was not doing it right, I made it easy I stopped doing it, so now I don't get fussed to about it.

    I would assume your husband felt that he was trying to help but it was not good enough for you, so he will just stop trying.

    Find and trade jobs he can do, laundry, or some cooking.

    But also look and see if your level of clean is over the top. I have a family member who is over the top so without knowning how you want it, it is hard to say.

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