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dogman · Sep 23, 2006, 09:13 PM

My wife told me she was going to a club to get drunk and dance should I worry?

aqua@home · Sep 23, 2006, 09:40 PM

Do you trust your wife?

Has she given you any reason not to?

Only you know her history and whether you should trust her or not. Only you know how she acts when she gets drunk. I think I could trust my husband, but I'm not sure I could trust myself or the people around me. I don't drink!

JoeCanada76 · Sep 23, 2006, 11:34 PM

Who is she going to the club with?

talaniman · Sep 24, 2006, 06:47 AM

Go with her and make sure she has a good time. Then you don't have to worry. Why would you be worried in the first place? Has she done anything to make you worry? Don't you trust her? Does she act inappropriately when she's drunk? Not a lot to go on here.

worthbeads · Sep 24, 2006, 07:18 AM

Did you ask her what goes on? You need to communicate with her.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 24, 2006, 07:25 AM

Couples ( married or not) should not want to go out and "party" without the other, it would be like going without part of yourself.

And if you add drinking to the situation you are merely putting fuel on a fire that will only bring pain.

The fact that she wants to go out without you is one issue into itself, and obvious from the question you don't trust her in doing so.

You have basically the choices, tell her she can't go, tell her go ahead or go with her.

Obviously there is little choice in the situation. I would say that first there are many other issues in your relationships that need to be addressed, what would make her want to go out and party without you in the first place.

Krs · Sep 24, 2006, 07:56 AM

Originally Posted by dogman

my wife told me she was going to a club to get drunk and dance should i worry?

Depends on the scenario...

How often does she do this?
Who she goes with?
etc...

Need more info.

s_cianci · Sep 24, 2006, 10:47 AM

Yes, I would worry, especially if it's without you. In fact, I'd forbid it. If she insists on going anyway, then while she's gone pack her bags and leave them out on the porch. Then change the locks. A wife's place is with her husband, period. If she doesn't like that then you're better off finding a new wife. But I don't think that'll be necessary. I think that if you stand up to her she'll probably come around. She might not like it at first and she might moan and wail some but in the end I think she'll respect you all the more.

Krs · Sep 24, 2006, 11:52 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

Yes, I would worry, especially if it's without you. In fact, I'd forbid it. If she insists on going anyway, then while she's gone pack her bags and leave them out on the porch. Then change the locks. A wife's place is with her husband, period. If she doesn't like that then you're better off finding a new wife. But I don't think that'll be necessary. I think that if you stand up to her she'll probably come around. She might not like it at first and she might moan and wail some but in the end I think she'll respect you all the more.

:eek: :confused: WOW that's abit drastic isn't it?? Pack her bags and leave them on the porch :rolleyes: come on!!

If this is the first time she asked to go to club to drink and dance with her girlie friends, what is SO wrong with that?

I personally (and so is my hubby) not the kind of couple who enjoy nights out alone every wkend, I agree, as I married him, I spend my time with him BUT if once a month she has a girlie night and he has a boys night its not so bad.

Its not like she is doing anything wrong. Period.

JoeCanada76 · Sep 25, 2006, 12:47 AM

I would defiantly worry. I would not go as far as packing the her stuff and leaving it on the front porch. My wife used to go to spanish clubs with her girl friends. Sometimes the boyfriends or husbands would come along and sometimes not. They would usually dance with each other. It is not like they were out to mess around.

Joe

Amythest · Sep 25, 2006, 01:04 AM

I would not worry.
Unless there is something here you don't know about...
If you dtreat her like the controlling guy uup there forbidding things... wow sounds abusive... then worry but if you treat her good, and your not some psycho control freak , then she hasno reason to cheat on you. If she didn't ask you to go it might be that she is going on a girls noght out, or that she just didn't think you wanted to go...
I wouldn't be super quick to over analyze it. She may not have even thought about it and the way it might come out to you.
Even if you traield her, an d she danced with some guy as long as they wernt kissing I wouldn't think she was cheating,. but you got to talk with your wife and make sure you define what cheating is to you guys different couples/ people have different definitions of what cheating is.
Maybe you can ask if you could come with.

J_9 · Sep 25, 2006, 03:31 AM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

Yes, I would worry, especially if it's without you. In fact, I'd forbid it. If she insists on going anyway, then while she's gone pack her bags and leave them out on the porch. Then change the locks. A wife's place is with her husband, period. If she doesn't like that then you're better off finding a new wife. But I don't think that'll be necessary. I think that if you stand up to her she'll probably come around. She might not like it at first and she might moan and wail some but in the end I think she'll respect you all the more.

Wow, that is QUITE drastic. Please do not go this far!! If you do, I promise you will lose her forever. I would never be with a man as controlling as this.

She just may need some girl time. Do you ever go do things with the guys, like after work or on the weekends? My husband likes to go fishing on the weekends, I don't fish, therefore I don't go.

But, it is nice to get out with the girls either to lunch or shopping, or someplace like that just to get away from the daily routine.

I think there is more to this story than we have been told so far. It is hard to give a definitive answer just based on that one sentence. We can all jump to conclusions, but that would be harmful not helpful.

s_cianci · Sep 26, 2006, 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by dogman

my wife told me she was going to a club to get drunk and dance should i worry?

Folks, read the original post again. It's short but it speaks volumes. I especially note the word "drunk." Assuming that the poster is directly quoting his wife, this is a very bad sign. He obviously senses something is amiss, otherwise he wouldn't have posted here. That's why I gave what sounds like drastic advice. Note, however, that I pointed out that when push comes to shove he probably won't have to go through with it but this woman needs a wake-up call.

kp2171 · Sep 26, 2006, 08:46 PM

Two weeks ago my wife told me she was going out with some friends and made no promises about when shed be home. Some of the boys spent the night buying her half bottles of champagne. She came home very late that night, buzzed and with a ride that saw her to the door.

Last night she spent the better part of the night with some boys at a bar, watching Monday night football and eating a fantastic steak dinner.

Should I panic. Hell no. my wife is employed in a mostly "boys club" industry. Not to mention that in the span of a year she's lost her father, her fathers best friend, her best friends mother, and a half dozen other setbacks, any of which could inspire a "what do i do" thread.

She doesn't wallow in self pity. She doesn't lose herself in alcohol or nights out. So if my wife, and mother of a 3 year old, declares she needs a night out to play, I think she's damn well deserving of it.

I have no reason to mistrust her.

Do you have reason to mistrust your wife?

talaniman · Sep 26, 2006, 08:49 PM

I agree, this post does speak volumes, but unless the OP can give more info its hard to know the context of the question.

Skell · Sep 26, 2006, 09:34 PM

Hang on a minute here. We preach to people to not make their significant other their whole life. Do other things. Be with your friends. Go out without your partner sometimes. Have some alone time. Be yourself etc etc...
And now the moment someone is doing this their partner should suspect something is wrong?

Are we jumping to conclusions here or what?

Their may be a little concern at the way she told her husband of this night out (if indeed it was said that way) but surely she is entitled to go out and have a few drinks with some girlfriends and have a dance.

Isn't this what we encourage to people dating and in relationships? That they sometimes enjoy life without their significant other.

Or does all this become BS once they are married?
Surely not.

We need more infro to give a proper response but if all she is doing is having a night out with the girls for a dance and few drinks then good for her. Unless there is some reason she has given you to mistrust her??

JoeCanada76 · Sep 26, 2006, 09:50 PM

This is a very good discussion but I do not think the original poster will make another appearance. That is too bad, because more input would have been better.

Krs · Sep 27, 2006, 12:25 AM

I agree Joe. We need more input on this whole situation.

S_Cianci... I know the word "drunk" doesn't sound all that eminant to you.
But by all means if this is a genuine girlie night out then there is obviously going to be booze in the picture, a club and dancing!
That's what trust is all about.
1 month ago I went out just with my best friend, we partied and danced till dawn and it was all inoncent.

We definitley need more info in this whole situation.

s_cianci · Oct 7, 2006, 07:01 PM

Originally Posted by Skell

Hang on a minute here. We preach to people to not make their significant other their whole life. Do other things. Be with your friends. Go out without your partner sometimes. Have some alone time. Be yourself etc etc.....
And now the moment someone is doing this their partner should suspect something is wrong??

Are we jumping to conclusions here or what?

Their may be a little concern at the way she told her husband of this night out (if indeed it was said that way) but surely she is entitled to go out and have a few drinks with some girlfriends and have a dance.

Isnt this what we encourage to people dating and in relationships? that they sometimes enjoy life without their significant other.

Or does all this become BS once they are married?

Well, the ground rules do change somewhat after marriage. Dating is one thing but, once married, the stakes are much higher and a partner has the right to expect more from their spouse.

beanster · Oct 24, 2006, 09:38 PM

Originally Posted by dogman

my wife told me she was going to a club to get drunk and dance should i worry?

Yes,about the getting drunk part!You know her so does she drink at home?Is alcohol something familiar to you and her?Was she angry and wanted to get back at you?