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    Missy kitty's Avatar
    Missy kitty Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 16, 2007, 12:16 PM
    Cheating with ex
    Hi, well let me start by saying We've been together for 5 years , we have a 1 yr old baby girl.
    Our relationship was wonderful, he would always show me he loved me. Until recently, 3 weeks ago.. I found his email opened.. I found some emails in the sent section that he was sending to the same girl.. one said " everytime I read you , I feel like kissing you" or whenever I go back to visit, will you stay the whole night with me? "" and many more.
    As soon as he got back from work I confronted him and he told me it was his first girlfriend that he had really good memories about her. I told him to leave, but he started telling me, that he wanted to be with us (baby and me) that that was nothing, that it wasn't even 5 % of importance in his life. So, I decided to give him another chance... But I just don't trust him.
    I am heart broken.. I need advice. Do you think he still loves her?
    ggmagoo's Avatar
    ggmagoo Posts: 41, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Apr 16, 2007, 12:54 PM
    If these are recent e-mails, I would suggest counseling. Ask him why he feels the need to communicate with her. What does he feel is missing in your marriage that he feels compelled to seek the attention of another woman? If he is serious about working things out he needs to #1. Stop all communicating with the women #2 he needs to be candid about his feeling. If he wants to stay in this marriage ask him why? His answer should reflect some type of desire to be married to you and raise your child together. If he just wants to be together just for the kids' sake, then he is not doing you or your child any favors.
    As far as I am concerned if he loves her or not is not the question you need to ask. The question is does he love YOU. You should ask him. The question is... is he committed to this marriage and is he willing to do what it takes to make it work. If his answer is yes and he makes real efforts to work on the marriage, then you have your answer about if he loves her... the answer would be NO.
    Missy kitty's Avatar
    Missy kitty Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Apr 16, 2007, 01:10 PM
    He has seen me crying everyday since it happened.. he told me he is getting tired of the situation, he doesn't know what to do.. he told it was up to me to trust him.. and that for sure
    He would stop communicating with her, he swore he would stop in the name of our baby.
    Another thing, I emailed her ex... and she told me she was very in loved with him, and that she respected everything he has, including his family. I feel very confused by her e mail.. she also said he hasn't emailed her or looked for her.. and to stop e mailing.. don't know what she means by all this
    ggmagoo's Avatar
    ggmagoo Posts: 41, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #4

    Apr 16, 2007, 01:38 PM
    It is not up to you to trust him. It is up to him to prove that he can be trusted. You are not the guilty party here. HE betrayed YOUR trust. The fact that he has stopped communication with her is a step in the right direction. I still think it is important to understand what he felt was missing in your marriage that he felt compelled to seek the attention of another woman? If you don't understand where and why your communications broke down, how can you ensure that it does not happen again? Have a heart to heart with you husband. Talk / communicate and figure out what needs to change in your marriage in order for the both of you to build a happy and strong relationship.

    As far as the ex-girlfriend things… stop e-mailing her. You are exerting too much precious mental energy trying to figure out where she stands. Focus on your marriage. She can love him until the cows come home it doesn't matter; what matter is that your husband respect you and the commitment to this marriage. What matters is where he stands. What matter is that HE shows her that he is committed to this marriage by not contacting her. When there is strength, trust, respect and love in your marriage there is not a woman alive that can encourage him stray. In love or not.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #5

    Apr 17, 2007, 12:08 AM
    Once any kind of cheating happens within any relationship, it sets a hole of trust issues which is obviously understandable.

    Your husband should be mature enough to admit he has done wrong, however as stated you should STOP contacting his ex, it may only make things worse.

    Can you suggest marriage concelling?
    For both sakes and your child together.

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