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    shabushanu's Avatar
    shabushanu Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    May 17, 2015, 12:58 AM
    Break arranged marriage
    My engagement finished on last month and my marriage by coming August. I don't want marry that lady. I want to break this one, but the problem is should have to break from that girl's side. Is it possible to cancel from that lady side? We are very poor, but lady family rich family so if break they will kill me. That's why that family has to say this marriage not going to be done, we are cancelling with no issues, no problem. Is this possible?

    The main problem is I don't want to marry that girl. Anyhow I want to break this one, because I don't like to marry that girl. The main issue is they are rich family. I engaged to that girl only because of my father and mother pushing. After the engagement also I talk with my father and mother I don't want to marry that lady, please break this one. That time my father told me we cannot break from our side. If they are telling we can stop this marriage, then we can accept that. What I want means I want to break this marriage from their side.
    Sir any dua possible to do like this..?
    Please help me if you are sure...
    And if please possible

    Otherwise the next option with me is only suicide. Please help me.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #2

    May 17, 2015, 04:26 AM
    Would it help to talk to the girl about how you feel? Do you have much communication with her?
    shabushanu's Avatar
    shabushanu Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    May 17, 2015, 05:02 AM
    I already talk with my family... but they are not thinking about me.. they are it will be OK after the marriage... I don't feel comfortable with that lady... I don't have any option to talk with the lady...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,216, Reputation: 10853
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    #4

    May 17, 2015, 08:12 AM
    Before you kill yourself look around at the way these things are done in your culture and see that your family seeks to lift you to a better chance than the poverty you are in now. Marriage is the way it's done by parents and has been for many centuries.

    I find it hard to believe you never insisted on a chaperoned meeting before and during the engagement period, as it is obvious your family cannot be THAT poor to even have a RICH family agree to such a union in the first place. Also consider your intended probably has the same feelings as you do in that she is obeying her parents arrangements too, which could be why you have never met in person as most arranged marriages allow.

    I think some guidance from a local religious or community leader could shed some light, and give you insights into the proper way to go about this dilemma, and proceed maturely and safely. So beyond your very emotional response some greater details of this arrangement are needed like where you will live and work, because for sure there must be benefit to her family from yours to even consider such an arrangement in the first place, as it makes NO SENSE for a rich family to subject their daughter to the life of poverty you so claim you live in.

    So please clarify the whole rationale of this arrangement with more facts instead of just feelings and your own fears.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #5

    May 17, 2015, 08:35 AM
    You live in a culture where arranged marriages and marriages that are not based on love still happens. ( it is actually very common in many parts of the world)

    You agreed, and are in fear of the other family.

    So why "kill yourself" take the risk, that they kill you. If they do not kill you, then you are alive and free, after break with the girl.

    But.. how will this affect the honor of your mother and father, will this hurt their status in society. What about you, will this affect your status.

    But, there are marriages all the time, where there is no love, merely arrangement, or marry for position.

    Here, position of family, wealth, job and all are key issues. So, why, you said not want to marry girl, but why, not just "don't want to" that is not a reason,

    Has the family went back on arrangement, not provided as they promise?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #6

    May 17, 2015, 09:25 AM
    You can marry her, refuse and face anger from both families, kill yourself - or run away.
    Why don't you run away? You are already poor, and may be even poorer, but get a job and be free.
    spicywings's Avatar
    spicywings Posts: 85, Reputation: 9
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    #7

    May 17, 2015, 01:40 PM
    How old are you? How old is she? Where do you live?
    shabushanu's Avatar
    shabushanu Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    May 17, 2015, 09:49 PM
    Am now 27 year old.. Am residing in india.. I know killing myself is not a good thing or any answer for this issue...
    But if I don't have any other option what should I do..?
    How can I live with that lady without love..?
    Or suggest me any simple way to break this marriage if you can..?
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #9

    May 18, 2015, 03:24 AM
    What happens if you simply say that you don't love her, that you don't even know her and that you have decided not to get married to her? Or that you want to be able to get to know her before you decide. She must be feeling the same way. Present it to your families that surely they want you both to be happy and to have a successful marriage....every parent wants their child to be happy.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #10

    May 18, 2015, 03:32 AM
    And you ignored my option of running away. I guess you like home more than you fear this marriage.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,216, Reputation: 10853
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    #11

    May 18, 2015, 05:10 AM
    You cannot go against your parents wishes in their house. It is just that simple in your culture. Your parents marriage was an arranged one too, is this not a fact? You will never convince them that you know better than them because you have done nothing better than they have, so why should they listen to their child about what's best for the family they have raised?

    Do you have siblings younger than you?

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