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    elaine1963's Avatar
    elaine1963 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 15, 2007, 04:38 AM
    Been having an affair
    I have been seeing a married man for almost four yrs now, we never go anywhere he just comes round for a chat and it inevitably ends up in bed.

    He finds it hard to show his emotions and says he doesn't love anyone not even his wife.

    He becomes protective of her if I ask questions and says we are just having a bit of fun.

    I fell in love with him and found it difficult generally, he says he is unhappy at home and rarely has a sex life.

    We have now finished and I don't think it would work again because of my hurt and anger.

    He isn't consistent with the things he says and can be very hurtful, however, is very possessive and jelous if I go out or see anyone else.

    What are his reasons for seeing me and why show he cares when he clearly doesn't and why doesn't he leave his wife if he is that unhappy?
    XenoSapien's Avatar
    XenoSapien Posts: 627, Reputation: 42
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    #2

    Jul 15, 2007, 04:43 AM
    Because he wants your lovin', and likely not much else. Sounds like he's trying to keep it in the bed only with you, and not allow it to progress.

    XenoSapien
    ordinaryguy's Avatar
    ordinaryguy Posts: 1,790, Reputation: 596
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    #3

    Jul 15, 2007, 05:19 AM
    Yours is the oldest story in the book. Read the ending and decide whether you want to live it all the way through. It's a waste of your life. Get out now.
    Squiffy's Avatar
    Squiffy Posts: 499, Reputation: 84
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    #4

    Jul 15, 2007, 05:29 AM
    He wants sex, its why most men cheat. I would say he wants a bit on the side, and you are there. Don't waste your time falling in loove with him, he is a liar and a cheater and are those the qualities you want in a partner? If he didn't want to be with his wofe, and did want to be with you, he would leave her. Like most men who cheat, he hasn't left her because he doesn't want to, he wants his married life, and his bit of stuff on the side. Its why women who date married men are called the 'other' woman.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #5

    Jul 15, 2007, 09:02 AM
    He is using you for sex, and he wants you there, when he wants you there.

    He also knows if you start seeing someone else, you may end up in a nice healthy relastionship and leave his lying rear behind.

    You need to stop seeing him today, he does not want to leave his family, won't leave it, and so on. You may want to call his wife and find out why he is so unhappy, She is the one I feel sorry for. You are grow and getting exactly what women who cheat with husbands get, nothing but heartache.
    PixieMama's Avatar
    PixieMama Posts: 68, Reputation: 8
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    #6

    Jul 15, 2007, 09:31 AM
    He doesn't have a sex life with his wife? Well, duh. That's all he's using for - sex. You are nothing but "fun" for him to get his rocks off and that's it. Maybe it's not that he's unhappy with his wife - maybe he's unhappy with himself and that reflects on how people feel about/treat others. But he's a MARRIED man. You should have known from the start that having sex with or falling in love with him was a stupid idea since he's taken. It takes two people to cheat and if he was going to cheat, it was going to happen regardless. You aren't special to him. He doesn't love you. And you deserve the heartache you get! I'm sorry but infidelity is a huge problem in my eyes and the women who allow such men to sleep with them are even worse then the guys who cheat! Women who sleep with married or otherwise "taken" men make my stomach turn. I trust my husband not to cheat on me. But I don't trust females not to try to get with him even though he's married.

    But... plain and simple - he's USING you for sex! And that's it. And like Fr_Chuck said - he doesn't want you going out with other people because then he might lose his bed buddy.
    Canada_Sweety's Avatar
    Canada_Sweety Posts: 597, Reputation: 49
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    #7

    Jul 15, 2007, 09:49 AM
    He is clearly using you for sex. Hard for you to admit most likely seeing how you fell in love with him but come one, he even told you he doesn't really have a sex life at home. I'm not trying to hate on men or anything but many many men will lie to get what they want. Heck, it doesn't just apply to men, it's also women. Just stay away from him for as long as you can. Maybe even meeting his wife and telling her will give you some closure, and closure sounds like what you need right about now. Hope it goes well.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #8

    Jul 15, 2007, 11:20 AM
    He gets from you what he doesn't get from his wife. He doesn't want to leave her because he's happy with her in every other aspect except that. He gets jealous and possessive of you because he doesn't want you to eventually start giving it to someone else and end up forgetting about him.
    stonewilder's Avatar
    stonewilder Posts: 420, Reputation: 99
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    #9

    Jul 15, 2007, 11:40 AM
    One word and it starts with a 'P' and ends with a 'y'. You should be ashamed of yourself for messing with another woman's man! What ever pain you feel you put on yourself. What goes around comes around, and yours is coming.
    stonewilder's Avatar
    stonewilder Posts: 420, Reputation: 99
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    #10

    Jul 15, 2007, 12:00 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Canada_Sweety
    He is clearly using you for sex. Hard for you to admit most likely seeing how you fell in love with him but come one, he even told you he doesn't really have a sex life at home. I'm not trying to hate on men or anything but many many men will lie to get what they want. Heck, it doesn't just apply to men, it's also women. Just stay away from him for as long as you can. Maybe even meeting his wife and telling her will give you some closure, and closure sounds like what you need right about now. Hope it goes well.


    If she tells his wife it will only be in hopes that the wife will kick his sorry a** out so she can have him. She is just as guilty and has already done enough with out telling his wife. Their marriage is non of her business!
    Inspired's Avatar
    Inspired Posts: 178, Reputation: 22
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    #11

    Jul 15, 2007, 06:55 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by elaine1963
    I have been seeing a married man for almost four yrs now, we never go anywhere he just comes round for a chat and it inevitably ends up in bed.

    He finds it hard to show his emotions and says he doesn't love anyone not even his wife.

    He becomes protective of her if I ask questions and says we are just having a bit of fun.


    He isn't consistent with the things he says and can be very hurtful, however, is very possessive and jelous if i go out or see anyone else.
    He obviously does not love you as you wrote that he says himself that he does not love anyone. He only loves himself and comes around to you for his own selfish reasons. Just as he gets possessive of you for his selfish reasons, fear that you won't be there for him sexually. He is going to be protective of her because he's married to her, you are just a booty call. He is not consistent with the things he says because he's obviously a lier and a cheater, those type of men are never consistent with anything in their life. Get out while you can because you are waisting your life. Did I mention how big of a sin Adultery is?
    Marily's Avatar
    Marily Posts: 457, Reputation: 51
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    #12

    Jul 16, 2007, 11:24 AM
    Yep you will soon be paying for what you did, unless you repent
    self_lnflicted_hell's Avatar
    self_lnflicted_hell Posts: 106, Reputation: 9
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    #13

    Jul 17, 2007, 06:10 AM
    Cheating isn't always about sex, even I know that. It's about the emotional point, something is lacking in the present relationship so they go elsewhere to get it. Yes, usually sex is involved but not always. I cheated on my ex of 7 years because of lack of affection. I never slept with the other man. Would I have? I can't really say for sure, my conscience is too strong... I doubt I would have. But the other man was giving me the attention that I so desperately craved. This really isn't an answer I suppose. It's just that everyone's saying that he's using you for sex. He's not happy at home, the wife's apparently not giving him the attention he wants/needs, so, you come into the picture. Tell him that in order for his marriage to work he needs to address his feelings with his wife, not some other woman, that won't help out his marriage a bit. And then, what's going to happen when the wife finds out? I never run and tell anyone else about my relationship problems unless I've already dealt it out with my ol' man and nothing seemed to get through. Then it's always a female friend. I'd hate it to no end if I found out that he was running to another woman and boo-hoo'ing to her about any problems we might have. In order to make it work we need to work together.
    self_lnflicted_hell's Avatar
    self_lnflicted_hell Posts: 106, Reputation: 9
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    #14

    Jul 17, 2007, 06:31 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by elaine1963
    He isn't consistent with the things he says and can be very hurtful, however, is very possessive and jealous if i go out or see anyone else.

    Why does it matter anyway, you're the other woman... except for the fact that you think you've fallen in love with him. And what is it to him what you do on your own... You're not his. He needs help, his marriage probably won't last when she finds out about the affair. I know it's hard when feelings get involved but what would you do if this was you that it was happening to? Put yourself in her shoes... Well, of course, you probably think she's this horrible wretched woman by what he might be saying. Usually it goes like this. He's not as emotional with her as he use to be, she's not getting the attention she craves anymore, she's not feeling it anymore, so either her attention to him diminishes or she starts nagging, he gets angry and finds it elsewhere, at home, their love life is fading away and he's obviously not going to her anymore so she starts getting even more angry and frustrated, maybe accusing him of cheating, which in turn just pushes him farther. That's when he says that she doesn't care about his feelings or needs anymore and that she's becoming a b*tch. All because, after time, the flame starts to fizzle out and some people don't know how or don't want to try to get it back. They think all is lost.
    Tell him "no more", you're done and tired of playing his games. What he needs to do is try to get good with his wife again (if that's even something that he wants to do) If he doesn't want to be with her then he needs to tell her, instead of stringing her along like this, which will hurt even more in the long run. It's sad how things change and eventually get like this. Just get out of it while you still can, you're not attached to him in any way, there are no ties.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,321, Reputation: 10854
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    #15

    Jul 17, 2007, 06:42 AM
    Elaine1963. I have been seeing a married man for almost four yrs now, we never go anywhere he just comes round for a chat and it inevitably ends up in bed.
    Thats whats supposed to happen
    He finds it hard to show his emotions and says he doesn't love anyone not even his wife.
    He has no problem with having sex though, does he??
    He becomes protective of her if I ask questions and says we are just having a bit of fun.
    Thats how he sees you as his fun friend:rolleyes: and leave the wife out of it.:eek:
    I fell in love with him and found it difficult generally, he says he is unhappy at home and rarely has a sex life.
    See, you have given him all that he wants and needs. His wife does the rest. Works great when everyone does their job and he is satisfied, oh by the way he doesn't givea rat a$$ about how you feel.
    We have now finished and I don't think it would work again because of my hurt and anger.
    Took 4 years to figure that out, did it??
    He isn't consistent with the things he says and can be very hurtful, however, is very possessive and jelous if I go out or see anyone else.
    Of course, you are his private piece. Sounds very consistent to me.
    What are his reasons for seeing me
    Free sex
    and why show he cares when he clearly doesn't
    To get free sex
    and why doesn't he leave his wife if he is that unhappy?
    Guess he is not that unhappy, but telling you he is, gets him FREE SEX.:rolleyes:
    You have wasted 4 years, and if you haven't learned that married men are a dead end street, you will waste even more time.:eek:
    Inspired's Avatar
    Inspired Posts: 178, Reputation: 22
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    #16

    Jul 17, 2007, 07:01 AM
    Self Inflicted Heal, I disagree with you. I did not want to give you a negative "disagree" because I do respect your opinions, but in this case I believe you are wrong. Most women cheat because they are not getting the emotional attention at home. Most men cheat because they can get away with it. It for purelly sexual reasons that this guy is cheating on his wife. The reason I say this is because if you read elaines post, they always end up in bed. They do not go out, they do not have long conversations. She says they have a "chat". This guy is a scumbag.
    self_lnflicted_hell's Avatar
    self_lnflicted_hell Posts: 106, Reputation: 9
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    #17

    Jul 17, 2007, 07:16 AM
    Wow... Thanks I guess for not giving me a negative :) All right, only because she says that he says that "he is unhappy at home and rarely has a sex life" But still, this is something that he needs to work out with his wife, not some other woman... And I'm not arguing it because I know that you and everyone else would agree. There are just way too many cheaters and way too much cheating going on. It's horrible... It's everywhere. It doesn't even have to be in person- on-line, phone sex... It's all considered cheating. Just because there's no physical contact doesn't mean it's not cheating. I feel bad for the wife and I feel bad for Elaine for getting involved with this in the first place. When at first it was probably just for sex when in turn she ended up becoming attached to the loser. I hope she just kicks him to the curb and tells him to get lost and go work on his marriage, where he belongs, for a change.
    Inspired's Avatar
    Inspired Posts: 178, Reputation: 22
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    #18

    Jul 17, 2007, 07:37 AM
    Self Inflicted,
    I agree with you. I hope elaine opens her eyes and gets rid of this guy. As far as the guy is concerned, I feel sorry for his wife.
    self_lnflicted_hell's Avatar
    self_lnflicted_hell Posts: 106, Reputation: 9
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    #19

    Jul 18, 2007, 05:36 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Inspired
    Self Inflicted,
    I agree with you. I hope elaine opens her eyes and gets rid of this guy. As far as the guy is concerned, I feel sorry for his wife.
    Thank you :) And yes, I hope that we get an update from her so we can all know what happened, or that she told him where he could shove it and where he could go :D

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