Here is my story. I have been married for 17 years to my high school sweetheart. I love him to death. Anyway, just last year I cheated on him. Was a one time thing had no meaning, but was wrong and I know that. I am going through therapy for it. Well, he tried to keep things together and really worked on the problem we had. Things were getting better then I happen to get a guy friend whom I talked to but not about our problems, and he helped me understand men a little better. My husband got all bent out of shape so I stopped talking to him all together. Well about three months ago my husband tells me that he has been talking to someone he worked with, he hid it from me for a few weeks. She is also married, but when he finally told me he said that he wanted me to know and that those two decided to be just friends. Well I didn't like it and I let him know. He talked to her all day long from 7 am to midnight every day. Then he wanted to go to her house for a bar be q and I wouldn't allow him to go without me so we went. She is married too but having problems just like we are. I was so uncomfortable there that I finally left. On the way home he texted her. He tells me that he is not sure he wants to be married since I cheated on him- I was concerned with this so I started to check his phone, well on his phone are some sexual text messages and I confronted him and he said they were a joke. Well he has since stopped talking to her so much, but maybe once or twice a month I still don't like it but I want to know how I can get him to stop and to pay more attention to me if he wants to stay married like he says he does?

He's obviously not over the affair and is still having hard feelings about it..

Honestly both of your behavior is immature... and downright stupid..

He needs to seek therapy as well.. and by him talking and texting with that woman is a total double standard on his part..

I suggest you both have separate counselors and also have a couples counselor.. you guys both need to cut the bull and take care of what's needed to be done... no more games..

Obviously he has not gotten over your cheating on him, and has either given up on the relationship or has some childish idea of getting back at you by cheating and throwing it into your face.

Obviously your counseling is not doing enough and you need to work with them on this but only if all sides will be completely honest.

Your cheating does not give him a right or a excuse to be stupid and do the same thing. He is doing this now because he wants to and you have a right to be upset.

Marriage can survive anything you two stupidly throw at it, but only if you're ultimately committed to surviving selfish behavior. Not every couple REALLY is.

Are you? Is he? Giving up your rights is hard to swallow, but it's almost a requirement if you're going to be able to forgive (each other) and face each other long enough for your love to make it all OK again.

But it's doable. You have to decide before you even try if you're capable of actually forgiving.