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    pink24's Avatar
    pink24 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Sep 22, 2010, 03:11 AM
    I am newly married.my husband spends most of his time with PC, he is short tempered
    I am newly married,my husband spends most of his time with PC, he is short tempered.. before marriage he used to talk very much in late nights.. now he hardly spends time with me.. I am into a joint family. He is not romantic at all.. I am getting frustrated.. I feel he doesn't like me.. please suggest me..
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #2

    Sep 22, 2010, 06:35 AM

    I don't know what you mean by a joint family.

    What Country?
    Devorameira's Avatar
    Devorameira Posts: 2,461, Reputation: 981
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Sep 22, 2010, 06:38 AM

    It's not a good sign to be newly married and have him spend all of his time on the computer and be short tempered with you. I can understand your frustration.

    Tell him how you're feeling unloved and rejected. If he won't communicate with you now, it's a serious sign that it'll only get worse as the years go by.

    Are you prepared to spend the rest of your life being miserable? You deserve to be treated with love and respect.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,780, Reputation: 2603
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #4

    Sep 22, 2010, 02:45 PM

    You said joint family. Are you a second or third wife?
    How long did you know this guy before marriage? Do you have to stay in this marriage? Was it an arranged one?
    Talk to him, tell him you are feeling neglected.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #5

    Sep 22, 2010, 04:45 PM

    My husband and I spend time on our computers all the time. Sometimes we're together in the den or if there something on TV I don't want to watch like Fishing Programs.. I come to the living room with my Laptop and watch what I want too. Get a PC and join him.
    Enigma1999's Avatar
    Enigma1999 Posts: 2,223, Reputation: 1077
    Welbeing Expert
     
    #6

    Sep 22, 2010, 04:54 PM

    Hello Pink,

    How long were you two together before getting married?

    How long have you been married?

    Joint family, please explain. Perhaps blended families, with step children?

    Was he short tempered before marriage?

    Was he this way before? With his PC?

    More information would really help us all better understand where you are coming from.

    Thank you.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #7

    Sep 22, 2010, 09:27 PM
    You make it sound like he is two different men. One way before you married him, and a totally differen one after you married him.

    I presume you mean,by 'joint', that you mean the two of you, together. No him doing his thing, and you left behind.

    There must have been some signs that connect with these two personalities of his, that were apparent before the day you got married. Looking back, do you see, or think that you may have noticed things about him, but not things so obvious that you would have thought twice about marrying him.

    Settling in in a new marriage (especially if you were not living together), can be a rude awakening. Once the magic of the engagement and wedding are over with, and its down to day to day business, you will learn things about each other that will take work to understand, and live with.

    Talk to him face to face, during a quiet moment, and see if he can't agree to discuss your concerns (which are really your needs and wants), at a mutually agreeable time. If he can commit to just talking, without the computer or anything else but you on his mind, you should be able to express yourself, without being accusatory, demanding, or finding fault.

    Explain what you have said here, and that is you are feeling ignored, under appreciated, and confused. See if you can't gain some insight, beyond the obvious.

    If you are patient, and listen, you might just learn something. At least try, and see how he responds.
    pink24's Avatar
    pink24 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Sep 22, 2010, 11:34 PM
    Comment on Jake2008's post
    I am the eldest daughter-in law, along with us my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in law are there. 6months completed our marriage. He is bit mummy boy. I don't interfere in any of there matters but still he tells that m not good with his mother
    pink24's Avatar
    pink24 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Sep 22, 2010, 11:41 PM
    Comment on Enigma1999's post
    Hii, ours is arrange marriage, 6months over our marriage, he was not short tempered, he is s/w engnineer. I stay with his mother, sister(unmarried-who is of my age25)n brother, he always tells that I have to be good with his mother
    pink24's Avatar
    pink24 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #10

    Sep 22, 2010, 11:47 PM
    Comment on Enigma1999's post
    He doesn't know what his mother does(she will be too good in front of himdoesnt allow both of us to spend time together)if he takes me out.. his mother will be calling to hi/ or my mobile.. she has does brainwash about me and my parents
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #11

    Sep 23, 2010, 12:32 AM
    Ok, this is a little clearer now.

    I take it that you moved into his mothers' home, after marriage.

    I realize that the situation you are in now, is quite different, than a 'Western' situation for newly wed couples, where you would be in your own home, alone together.

    I don't know what you can do in all honesty. He is in his family home, where he's always been, doing what he's always done in his family home. He was different before marriage, because you only knew him, independent of what his life was really like under his mother's roof.

    No wonder you are upset (if I'm understanding you here).

    You would know better than I how appropriate, or inappropriate it would be, for the two of you to have your own home. I can't see how you can make any headway to resolve your differences otherwise. Maybe things will improve once you are out of the home, and for your sake, I hope that is sooner rather than later.

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