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jordyosu · Aug 3, 2010, 07:01 AM

We have been married around 10 years and have had a good life together. We have 2 children, and rarely fight. I have worked hard to provide a nice home and lifestyle for everyone. I do most of the cooking, cleaning, and chores around the house.
She says that she is happy with everything, money, vacations, neighborhood, etc... We get along fine, but she say's that she is missing a connection with me. She feels that we are more like roommates then soulmates.
This isn't the first time that this has happened. I'm already devastated, and am hoping that it doesn't crush the kids too bad. She has literally thrown in the towell. A viewpoint would be nice.

JudyKayTee · Aug 4, 2010, 04:52 AM

Well, you can't make somebody love you or force that person to be with you.

Have you tried counselling - either together or separately?

She has asked you for a divorce before? What happened the last time?

lickemlolly · Aug 4, 2010, 11:48 AM

I would see if she would be willing to try counseling... If she's not then that's her choice but lay the cards out on the table.. At that point if she says no then you can't force her to stay if she doesn't want to... friendship is a good basis for a relationship... somewhere you may be lacking intimacy... which may be what she is seeking... she doesn't want just a friend she wants a partner.. a lover... communication is key..

I wish · Aug 4, 2010, 12:11 PM

Has she thrown in the towel without even putting in the effort? Was this an ongoing problem or did she bring it up out of nowhere? Have you had many fights leading up to this proposed divorce?

Does she have any suggestions on how to re-spark the marriage? Have you been neglecting her? If she too demanding or have you become too complacent and taking her for granted?

Homegirl 50 · Aug 12, 2010, 02:22 PM

You said this is not the first time. Did you do any counseling the other times?

JudyKayTee · Aug 12, 2010, 03:11 PM

If you go back to #2 you will see I asked these same questions - and there has been no response.

Jake2008 · Aug 12, 2010, 06:02 PM

You said that she has just told you she wants a divorce.

I guess what it all boils down to is what you can control, and what you cannot.

I don't mean that in a mean heavy handed way, I mean in such a way that she is certain she wants out, so let her go.

If she's already saying she wants a divorce, then past efforts to work on the marriage have failed, at least in her mind likely, and she's not bringing up the subject of counselling, so I doubt she would be willing to go now.

For her to come to that conclusion likely means it has been in the works for a long time, and you may never have had the luxury of knowing in enough time that you could have suggested counselling. I'm sure had she said six months ago, or a few weeks ago that she was heading in that direction, you would have had a chance. It sounds to me that she has shut you out, and she's moving on.

I would suggest that you seek counselling yourself. There will be many emotional challenges to say the least, over the next several weeks particularly. Much to decide upon, and settle with. Please protect yourself, and take her seriously. See a lawyer and make sure you, and your assets are protected.

I would not personally take the stand that maybe she will change her mind, only to go to make your car payment and the bank account has been cleaned out.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 12, 2010, 06:09 PM

He said this is not the first time, so I think they have probably been through this before and she (for whatever has happened or reason) has decided she is done.
He has not come back to say whether there was counseling before or how many times this has happened.

But if she has given up, it's best to get an attorney, and proceed from there.

Jake2008 · Aug 12, 2010, 06:33 PM

Thanks Homgirl, didn't notice the date.