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    rashmi113's Avatar
    rashmi113 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 15, 2009, 05:17 AM
    I am engaged but confused
    Hi,

    I got engaged one month back and it's a arranged one. But now I am really confused that whether I like that person or no.. He is nice guy normal in looks but heartly very good person.. I am not able to speak to him.. He calls me daily and tries to speak to me but I am not able to speak to him I will tell one or the other reason to keep the call..

    Actually I have a past I loved a guy and it was two ways he too loved me too much but our castes were different so his parents did not accept and he told me it is not possible from him to continue this relationship. He is very nice person and I am not able to forget him I know it is impossible but I still call him and ask him and the answer from him will be NO..

    I want to see my parents happiness so I accepted for this engagement but I am not happy and I am afraid that whether I ll not keep my fiancée happy..

    Please suggest me I am really going mad as I loved that guy truly and madly..
    Minnal's Avatar
    Minnal Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #2

    Jan 15, 2009, 05:26 AM
    Hi rashmi
    It is sorry to hear your situation. But it was made by you. When u start loving that guy you should be mentally ready anything. But I think you and that guy does not have such stuff. After being fell in love it is hard keep both the sides happy. You must have decide for parents or for him. Now you had decided for your parents then why are you confusing yourself all again. Look every person in the world will have both positives or negative characters equally. So no one can always held as good or as bad. Keeping in mind about your parents and the man who is ready take you. Go take good decision
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Jan 15, 2009, 05:30 AM

    You know, if you don't talk to him you can't get to know him and see if you can like him. Finds things in common and see if there is interest you share.

    Marriage for "love" here in the US fail about 1/2 of the time because the parties don't talk, honestly talk.

    Any marriage can work if both parties are willing to try
    rashmi113's Avatar
    rashmi113 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jan 27, 2009, 01:26 AM

    Hi all please help me..

    I tried to speak to the guy with whom my marriage is fixed but I am not able to speak to him also.. when I meet him I remember my love and get depressed immediately and come off from there..

    I am not able to forget my love and getting more and more depressed day by day.. Even I was getting thought to commit suicide.. still I am very much depressed.. I don't want to marry that guy I think I am expecting a guy like my lover to marry.. can I go for a consultation near a doctor? Please help me out
    khadarehs's Avatar
    khadarehs Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jan 27, 2009, 08:16 AM

    First of all you are in so much emotional situation.. come out...
    Being a muslim.. give value to your tradition and parents...
    You are in just attraction with your fiancée... and how he became fiancée?? Because of your long conversations.. sharing of your thoughts etc...
    You keep continue the same with new person being fixed by your parents... guessing this person is more honest than your fiancée...
    get marry him... and enjoy your life...

    all the best
    GirlWSlingshot's Avatar
    GirlWSlingshot Posts: 224, Reputation: 21
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    #6

    Jan 27, 2009, 09:47 AM

    When you try to talk to him, is it sadness that stops you or shyness?

    If the man that you are now set to marry is a good man, it might be helpful to stop comparing him in your head to your old love. They are different men. And in time, you might grow to care about your new husband in a much more deep and substantial way than you did for that other man. But that is entirely up to you. If you want to get married and you think you've been matched to a good man, it could be worthwhile to try to block out thoughts of your old love and just focus on getting to know your betrothed.

    It must be very difficult, but I admire your courage in at least trying and your respect for your family and tradition.

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