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    All4Noah's Avatar
    All4Noah Posts: 50, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Dec 23, 2007, 12:44 PM
    Is it an affair?
    Is it an affair if you don't have sexual intercourse with the other person? Does oral count? Does passionate kissing count?

    I need to know!
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646
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    #2

    Dec 23, 2007, 12:57 PM
    Yes, oral counts... so does kissing.

    There are emotional affairs too.
    stonewilder's Avatar
    stonewilder Posts: 420, Reputation: 99
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    #3

    Dec 23, 2007, 01:04 PM
    Ask your partner... see what she/he has to say. No doubt the answer will be YES! If you don't know what constitutes an affair you probably shouldn't be married at all.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #4

    Dec 23, 2007, 01:17 PM
    Any expression of love, emotional or physical or any sexual activity with someone other than your spouse is an affair.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #5

    Dec 23, 2007, 03:12 PM
    Just dating with no sexual contact at all is still cheating, and unless you are Bill Clilnton oral is sex and is most certainly cheating.
    life1973happened's Avatar
    life1973happened Posts: 322, Reputation: 109
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    #6

    Dec 23, 2007, 04:06 PM
    Dear unsure...

    Yes, my dear friend, it's still crossing the line. The others who have posted have said it perfect. I think you knew the answer before you asked but were looking for a way to make it a little okay in your head.

    You are playing in a dangerous waters friend and you have to be very careful. Regardless, of the excuses I hear all the time, "Our relationship is on the rocks" or "We are taking a break" All those examples are just lame excuses.

    You have to be extremely careful because there is a girl or a guy on the other end whose life as they know it can come apart in an instant. You could virtually be destroying a relationship or even a marriage. A broken heart is a serious and painful experience that I wish nobody had to deal with.

    You can't take back what you have done but you can stop now. Walk away and find somebody, if you are the single one, who is also single. If you are not the single one, let go of that relationship for the sake of the one you are suppose to be committed too.

    Please hear me and understand this only ends with somebody getting deeply hurt.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #7

    Dec 23, 2007, 04:13 PM
    Yes, to both of your questions.
    George_1950's Avatar
    George_1950 Posts: 3,099, Reputation: 236
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    #8

    Dec 23, 2007, 10:12 PM
    "Is it an affair if you don't have sexual intercourse with the other person? Does oral count? Does passionate kissing count? I need to know!"

    May I inquire, why?
    rockerchick_682's Avatar
    rockerchick_682 Posts: 496, Reputation: 72
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    #9

    Dec 23, 2007, 10:14 PM
    Yes!!
    life1973happened's Avatar
    life1973happened Posts: 322, Reputation: 109
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    #10

    Dec 24, 2007, 07:49 AM
    If you have to ask why, that scares me and the best advice I can give you, is it's time to see a doctor.
    All4Noah's Avatar
    All4Noah Posts: 50, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Dec 24, 2007, 07:51 AM
    A Doctor?! I didn't sleep with him, I kissed him! My marriage is on the rocks which doesn't make it an excuse for what I did, but I did and the extra relationship is OVER now! Just hoping that someone here will give me some advice on how to break the news to my husband or if I shouldn't.
    George_1950's Avatar
    George_1950 Posts: 3,099, Reputation: 236
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    #12

    Dec 24, 2007, 07:55 AM
    "My marriage is on the rocks...." You are going to tell your paramour about your affair with your husband? Or tell your husband about your paramour?

    You would tell your husband about your paramour? Are you OK?
    life1973happened's Avatar
    life1973happened Posts: 322, Reputation: 109
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    #13

    Dec 24, 2007, 07:58 AM
    Oh goodness stop right there... I know many might disagree with me on these next few remarks, so be it. However, what is gained by you telling your husband? It's done. Most people tell there spouse because the guilt is weighing them down so hard they have to tell them. What is gained by you telling him? You think he will trust you? Do you think it will help a marriage already on the rocks? Why not try to solve the problems without adding gasoline to the fire

    One of the only things that will happen by you getting this off your chest will break his heart, cause him undue pain, and make saving the marriage a hell of a lot harder.

    And yes a doctor. The two of you need to start to repair what is left when and if the time comes then you tell him. However, have you not remembered advice our mothers used to give? There are some things better left unsaid.

    You have to ask yourself this, what will be gained by you sharing this news?
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #14

    Dec 24, 2007, 09:07 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by life1973happened
    The two of you need to start to repair what is left when and if the time comes then you tell him.
    This is the essence of your problem now. You need to work on those issues that have put your marriage "on the rocks." And I suspect that those issues were a problem long before your little "fling" with this other person and will remain so long after it ended if you don't address them.
    BMI's Avatar
    BMI Posts: 892, Reputation: 270
    Senior Member
     
    #15

    Dec 24, 2007, 09:13 AM
    Does ORAL COUNT?? /

    NAw I always let girls I'm with go around and perform oral sex on guys she likes.

    Honestly, you must be joking or you don't really know what oral sex consists of.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #16

    Dec 24, 2007, 09:57 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by All4Noah
    A Doctor?!?!? I didn't sleep with him, I kissed him! My marriage is on the rocks which doesn't make it an excuse for what I did, but I did and the extra realtionship is OVER now! Just hoping that someone here will give me some advice on how to break the news to my husband or if I shouldn't.
    If all you did was kiss another man during a rocky point in your marriage or when you might have thought your marriage over, then I wouldn't tell him yet. I would suggest you both go to counseling to iron out the kinks in your marriage. Try reaffirming your feelings for each other and after you see which way the marriage is going, you can decide what and how much to tell him.
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #17

    Dec 24, 2007, 10:18 AM
    Yeah... some might disagree with what I say, but this is what I'D want...

    If it happened once, we got in a fight... you were drunk... whatever. If it happened ONLY once, and it would NEVER happen again... I mean, not a flying chance that it will EVER happen again, then don't tell me. I don't want to know. Same thing goes for me. If I was drunk, and I made out with a girl, and it's over. It'll NEVER happen again... then I wouldn't tell my girlfriend.

    Like life1973 said... what do you gain by telling? Nothing.

    Now, if it will happen again, that's your problem.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,321, Reputation: 10855
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    #18

    Dec 25, 2007, 11:07 AM
    Anything you can't share with your partner, is cheating.
    life1973happened's Avatar
    life1973happened Posts: 322, Reputation: 109
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    #19

    Dec 25, 2007, 12:28 PM
    I disagree with you. If telling the other person brings nothing but more pain, but helps slightly relieves your guilt, is not cheating. In fact the two have nothing to do with one another. In an ideal world spouses, and people in relationships, wouldn't need to keep certain things from one another but if all it does, by sharing, is cause a great deal of pain, what is gained exactly? But talaniman how is not sharing everything with a loved one considered cheating?

    I'm not trying to encourage those in relationships to keep a bunch of secrets from one another but what I'm talking about is much different and most certainly not cheating!
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #20

    Dec 25, 2007, 12:45 PM
    I agree with life1973 and ISneeze. Technically it is an affair because you put your and the other guys feelings above your husbands.
    I wouldn't tell him, it would only add more strain to your rocky marriage and possibly be the straw that broke the camels back. Since it didn't go any further and it is over concentrate solely on smoothing the rocks in your marriage and don't go outside your marriage for comfort. If you let it happen again with ANY body you should own up to it being a problem and telling your husband. I agree with the others that you need to work on your relationship so that it doesn't get to that point.

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