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    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten

    Nov 29, 2009, 03:05 PM
    Grateful for all Your Support, Humor and Love throughout all these years
    I was first giong to humorously add some pictures into the comedy section to honor MAXINE, who I think is so superbly done to aid those getting on in their years.

    Instead of humor, I want to thank all of you for your support, comfort, warmth and backup throughout these almost 5 years. The part you allowed me on here as that of a conservative and lightly strict 'momma', a funny granny, a friend and cohort in schemes to hunt down fun and enlightenment, is a part that I will never forget and constantly be grateful for.

    Unfortunately, there have been sad times and unexpected losses shared, These losses still reveal that there is no power we have to prevent events from happening as they will. YOU, have helped me stay strong throughout so much. And soon, I will join a good friend whom I had shared many phone conversations with and had so darned much in common with both in the past and our future plans. And, being in a hospital waiting room (so to say) was not one of those plans at all. My plans of being a guardian angel, being there when 'called' upon with candles and hoping to remain in my family's heart and memories is stronger than ever.

    If this seems like it is dragging out, sorry, it is. The medication that I have been upgraded to is still not enough, but enough to make me just want to let so much out... so without further ado, I will send out the first of a few pictures and await your feedback.

    Now, I feel like a little on the humor side of me that needs to express itself and these posts are what that sharing part of me will reveal.

    Without further ado, the Defense Mechanism of my life continues..

    Pictures follow... hope you can appreciate my desire to excape a little here.

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    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten

    Nov 29, 2009, 03:16 PM

    Look at all them wrinkles, Maxine. Bet I got more than you now. Took me long enough to stretch, lol.
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten

    Nov 29, 2009, 03:42 PM
    OK, the apartment has been cleared, all my stuff gone. The only things left of mine are the material objects in this room. I did get to keep my TV, (no cable specials though), my VCR and two laptops to play around with.
    My son in law provided the internet stick for me and it is super when I can get everything else working on the darned laptop.

    Now, sometimes my posts here might be fuzzy, but that is because of medications not a bad screen. I took that extra step to chemo and radiation, paid for it badly, but will have to accept things as they are. Hope you stay with me as a life-saver from a ship when I need to vent, as scared as I am. I will also try and be here for you if my help is also needed. That's what friends are for.

    I will talk about anything, and everything, probably on this thread and use that extra added support of your's frequently.

    So, here we go for the test. Will send this link to the 'hospital' thread.

    It took me a long time to adjust those pictures. I gained weight through munchies you would not believe, but now I am going to slow down a bit, I hope... don't need to get stuck in the chair and not get out again. LOL.
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    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten

    Nov 29, 2009, 03:49 PM
    Speaking of the chair, you never even saw it yet... It has shock observers, smooth ride, royal blue. Behind me is part of the little old room I have to watch TV, eat, sleep, and communicate. Without this communication, I would absolutely go crazy, so please keep with me as long as you can..
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    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten

    Nov 29, 2009, 04:32 PM
    Naturally, when I got into my new quarters, I had to personalize them a bit. So, I got a few gadgets, moved a few things to fit my needs, computer, etc.

    Also got a few gadgets to help out. The lighting was bad, so I got lights that are real close and useful. One goes on the forehead - makes me look like a cave-granny - and Alex laughed when he saw the variations of lights going on there to include red lights, 4 bulbs and 8 bulbs and blinkers. I know he's going to have fun with these when he gets under his blanket to look at cats, dinos, and comics. Right now, he loves to look at his cat book. He tells me he loves Larry and that Larry is a good boy and a pretty cat. I ask him about Larry all the time and we have something in common to talk about - which warms me up all the time.

    Then there is a gadget for the ear - super precise directional glow.

    The other neet gadget is a seat cover that was exactly made for this old wheelchair. It covers the sides with a lapel with two pockets each, making it easy to tote things while wheeling around. So surprised when it got here and actually had the exact measurements and function capabilities.

    Gosh I think this thread will wind up as a version of a diary when I get done,, but what better way to keep you and myself informed - as the medication erases a bit each time, and I am not ready to lose too much memories.

    Jan, once you see the other pictures ahead, you will find that I have the small version from you here to constantly look at and bewonder over and over again. As you can see, Jaime is weary of doing so much work, and I hope she has a chance to recover soon.

    Don't anyone of you be afraid to as questions and give advice... I need you all here with me o make things easier and soon my friends will find there way here easy enough.

    Thanks again and again for that - and your love.
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    Just Dahlia's Avatar
    Just Dahlia Posts: 2,155, Reputation: 445
    Ultra Member

    Nov 29, 2009, 05:33 PM
    Hey:D I have one of those light head hat things! I found it on a beach in Hawaii 8 years ago and it still works. I use it for fun and entertainment and if I need to see something in the garden at night.:cool:

    Nice crazy pics:)

    Does it hurt:confused: :( (you said I could ask anything):o
    Edit: I mean where and what are you feeling, I never understood
    Just Dahlia's Avatar
    Just Dahlia Posts: 2,155, Reputation: 445
    Ultra Member

    Nov 29, 2009, 06:17 PM
    Here is a picture of myself and part of my family, I am on the right:)
    I've seen your pics and I feel it's always nice to get a visual back.
    Name:  mike and caitlan 10 09 020.jpg
Views: 613
Size:  88.3 KB

    My Mother-in-Law, my Son and my Husband! Guess who's who.:rolleyes:

    Edit: and I love your new thread (or what ever it's called)!
    Just Dahlia's Avatar
    Just Dahlia Posts: 2,155, Reputation: 445
    Ultra Member

    Nov 29, 2009, 06:21 PM
    I posted this in the new thread:eek: Why is it here also:confused:
    You would think after all this time I would know what I'm doing:rolleyes::o
    88sunflower's Avatar
    88sunflower Posts: 1,207, Reputation: 462
    Ultra Member

    Nov 29, 2009, 07:07 PM
    Chery I have one of those "head" lights also. It was actually bought for my son, but I took it one night after a few drinks and had a good time with it. Made for some humor. Sadly it works great, really great.

    I love your new thread. I love reading your story and seeing your pictures.

    You said to ask questions, so for conversation sake what is it that scares you most. The other side, or leaving this side behind? Your family? Your friends?
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten

    Nov 30, 2009, 12:33 AM
    Thanks for joining me here and not berating my choice in communicating my pains and gains in this manner.

    Well 88sunflower and Just Dalia, as for the hurt, - yes and no. More of an emotional pain at the moments when I get short of breath and physical fear when the breath is so much out of me that it is scary as heck to feel that I might be in my room by myself, suffocating and in stress before someone comes hold me and to relieve me of the physical pain. Right now, the fear of being alone is the strongest. When the room is full of people, or just Jaime and I,

    The mental pain falls in whenever it wants to and there is not much I can do, just that helpless feeling of passing and nobody there to hold me or comfort me into the next plane. I have always been fearful of drowning or demise in a burning environment. All I ever 'dreamed' of was falling asleep and never awakening... just that simple. But is it not. Believe me, it is not that simple. The things I think of while under this stress are the things that I forgot to do to comfort my family - it just seems that there is so much that I left out on life which I will not be able to catch up on.

    But, then there is the hope of my strong belief that I will be there for them, to watch over Alexander ensuring that he has the protected arms and vibes from his 'Oma' right there. There has just been too much in life where my family was concerned that it turned out for the best with me just knowing about what is going on and dropping hints to change the subject and manner of a direction something is heading. I can contain this for others, but not myself. Ducky and I used to talk on the phone so long about this subject, to include laughing about things we would so such as give a party and spook those that had made our lives so difficult throughout the past. I never expected he to leave before myself - to have Nicky be without her before Larry... but look at what can turn around in life and you are left having to accept it as is.

    Just like in a relationship between people, one always shows strength when needed, the other reserves for weaknesses to help the harmony that should be happening. I hope this made some sense, if not, then I am going to stay confused anyway, lol.

    I don't know what is going on right now - medication not jumped in and pain located a little uncomfortly where the needle should be. The nurse will show up soon and the day will start - it is 6 AM now and I need relief of some sort. I will be back to enlighten you - and myself more later - as it does enlighten me to be able to talk about it and you can ask anything, as I said before. Can't promise my answers will make much sense, but knowing you, you will figure out what I mean to say and help me along the way, with all of your own experiences as well.

    At this hospice (nursing home), we are left to our own pretty much and are as helpful as can possibly be. So, for now, I guess the fear stems from not knowing how much time will be left, the duration of the pressure it takes to finally be able to take that journey, just as in any other journey I have taken.

    There are times when my posts will be short, and some very,very long - such as this one, and I am grateful to have your ears to listen and just be there for me - so never hesitate to ask or comment.

    Going to close for now a bit and will be back later.

    C.U. soon
    Just Dahlia's Avatar
    Just Dahlia Posts: 2,155, Reputation: 445
    Ultra Member

    Nov 30, 2009, 12:53 AM
    Well I'm not sure what happened to the time, but it is late for me and I have to go to bed:eek:
    Thanks for answering my questions and I'll be back after a good nights sleep (hopefully):rolleyes:

    Hope the sun is shining where you are at.:D
    88sunflower's Avatar
    88sunflower Posts: 1,207, Reputation: 462
    Ultra Member

    Nov 30, 2009, 07:03 AM
    Good morning Chery. I hope your in good spirits this morning. If I were closer to you I would make it happen that someone is with you 24/7 so your not alone. I can't say I understand your feelings but I want you to know in prayers I am with you all day.

    I love that your doing this thread. I think its wonderful for everyone here and yourself. I look forward to what your going to post. It's a time we can all reflect on our lives. A time we can be here while you reflect on yours.

    Whatever it is your going to say I will be here for you. I will listen and I will respond.
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten

    Nov 30, 2009, 07:30 AM
    Will continue to stay in touch after doing a few more pictures. There are 2 hours left on credit of this Stick again, and it will take me time re-allocate the stick and connect back, so it will probably be late.

    Jaime came by and brought me some home-made cookies and other things. It takes about 45 minutes to 1 hour to make a one-way trip here and there is rarely a day missed. Bless my young-uns for being so supportive and caring.

    As I said, don't hesitate to ask questions and I will do the best I can - relating to the issue that not too many people tend to converse about... Can't understand why, it is part of our daily existence which in a drop of life is sooooo short. I remember the good times as much as I can now and feeling it's a shame to waste. Most of the frustrating part of clearing the place is accomplished. I ask there whereabouts of a few things now and then out of memories and accept that they are gone now.. but still they cropped up and got worked on emotionally and physically getting there too.

    C.U. later
    88sunflower's Avatar
    88sunflower Posts: 1,207, Reputation: 462
    Ultra Member

    Nov 30, 2009, 07:39 AM
    Home made cookies. Don't tell me they are chocolate chip or I may have to jump the first flight there. I may have to just do that for a cookie.

    Well tell me about some of your favorite memories in life?
    What were some of your biggest regrets?
    If you could change one thing what would it be?

    I guess just some things to talk about. I truly love reading what you have to say. Its been really good for me. So many people take each minute for granted. I know that myself I am guilty of that. Life is in a hurry to go no where and I hate that.

    I didn't talk with you much before all this and I wish I could have. But I am so thankful for this chance now.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
    Ultra Member

    Nov 30, 2009, 07:59 AM

    Hey chery... hope the drugs kicked in and your feeling OK.. sunny asked the question I was thinking about... your fondest memory...

    You know.. I believe there are moments in our lives when we learn a lesson or know that we are in that moment and tresure it,later as time goes by we can still feel the memory of that moment...

    In my own dark nights,its those moments that have given me comfort.

    Its strange what we hope for and strive for in our youth,and always believe there is time.

    I think regret is a terrible thing,or not forgiving... or even regretting that we did not forgive... thats what I hope for at the end of my life,that I will accept forgivness for my wrong doings and give forgivness.

    I don't know what it is I'm trying to say here... im blabbering... going to have a smoke and a cup of coffee.
    88sunflower's Avatar
    88sunflower Posts: 1,207, Reputation: 462
    Ultra Member

    Nov 30, 2009, 08:08 AM
    Hey red.
    That was awesome, for lack of better words. I don't think you needed a point with what you said I think it made its own point. I liked it.
    Unknown008's Avatar
    Unknown008 Posts: 8,076, Reputation: 723
    Uber Member

    Dec 1, 2009, 03:51 AM

    I really like this thread. Lol, awesome and funny pictures Momma C! :)

    When talking about your memories, I can't help but remember the time when you mentioned being 'aggressed' :( (if that is the appropriate term). Still got your bat near the bed? ;)
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten

    Dec 1, 2009, 08:43 AM
    I too like the direction to where this is going, sunflower, unknown and redhed. There are certainly more than just myself that have had, will have and are going through such drastic denial, pain and hope - they of course want to ask questions regarding of what illnesses. Either the emotional turmoil, the phsyial pain cannot be reduced at this point - it only excalates.

    These of you in the same 'boat' don't need to come out, nor do you need to stay away because of the subject being too 'heavy'. Let it also out and use it to your advantage to deal with until the time comes.

    It has taken me a long time to tell you about my pains and frustrations in a funny way to help me deal with it. I hope that explanations trough me can enlighten some of you and that you have a right to be just as scared to reveal. Im the last person you should take into consideration to be 'easy' on as this is no what will help me at all.

    Will continue in a while as soon as I get my catheter adjusted and my temp took. It has reached a bit high today and all the windows are open - Jaime has complained of beig cold while I am boiling up here.

    C.U. Soon

    Unknown008's Avatar
    Unknown008 Posts: 8,076, Reputation: 723
    Uber Member

    Dec 1, 2009, 08:47 AM

    Cya in better health Momma C! :)
    88sunflower's Avatar
    88sunflower Posts: 1,207, Reputation: 462
    Ultra Member

    Dec 1, 2009, 09:47 AM
    I was just checking in and thinking of you.
    Get that temp of yours down.
    I am heading out to lunch now and hope to see you on when I return.

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