[anclucasaz]

Hello,
I have been reading some of the things mentioned here in this chat... I was wondering.. what anyone thinks of this and could anyone offer advice...

I met this guy and it took me two years to actually get intimate and get into a relationship. I found out he lied about EVERYTHING... he said he was a pro hockey player... that he was getting kidney diyalasis.. he dad had a stroke.. just everything was a lie... so I broke it off... then he came back saying he loved me etc.. I believed it.. went back and am in the worst spot... he keeps coming back.. but is so sneeky... doesn't tell anyone he talks to me.. and told me three weeks he wanted me to come to "his" new house to talk... but we ended up in a park... I had to park my car two blocks away.. and low and behold that night he had me sneek into his bed room window because he didn't want his sister that lives with him to know I was there... and I also had to hide in the closet... so I just left.. he never calls and only texts.. he is 24 and first off I don't think that is his house.. and working on things I think is a lie because he doesn't bring me around but sneeking me in and not calling me... so I ignored him.. he came back last week... saying he worked till 11:30 Friday for a school district for the IT department which I think is complete bs.. I think he was with someone... and calls me to ask if I want to go see lights and hold hands.. etc... but then the other day I text him and say why do you keep coming back and he didn't respond... I asked if he is trying for something or if he will be a lone for a while.. and he said single because it's easier... so I was like OK whatever.. so tonight... I went out with my mom and got coffee... I didn't think I needed to respond to him when he asked me who I was with and where I was... he said stop being secretive... and I just ignored him.. he is now thinking I am with a guy.. saying I am like everyother girl.. etc... what should I do? I am having a hard time letting go.. but how can he do this to me? Why? And what is he benefiting from.. doesn't guys have some sort of emotions? Please help!:(

[simoneaugie]

You have no reason to feel guilty. You have done nothing wrong. He sounds like a real jerk. Anyone who based a relationship on lies to begin with has no business asking you anything. And if you had been out with a guy, instead of your mother? Does he think he owns you? Yes, guys have feelings! There are so many good men out there. Cut the dude off. Find someone who's willing to be honest with you from the start.

You question reminded me of something:

Guilt is felt for something you have done

Shame is felt for something you are

Either way, you have done, are not, wrong.

[anclucasaz]

Thanks for the feed back! Yes, so tonight after I wrote this... he said to me that I played games and he can't trust me... why the heck is he saying this stuff if he is single? He is playing with my head... he texts me saying nice being nice ang your just like all girls.. and I just don't know where the heck he is coming from... he has done so much lying... so much... and he blames me for why this relationship has ended... I told him that I am not a hooker and stop treating me as if I am his... he thinks he controls me... he did use to say "who owns you" he text me and goes... what are you thinking... I am thinking how I had sex with you in my dream... seriously what is wrong with him.. How could you lie about a health issue.. I just got surgery on the right side of my neck... and this is how he comes back? Making comments... oh and the first thing he said was why didn't you call and say happy b-day... he didn't call me on x-mas last year.. valentine's day ignored me.. and took a break from me in April when that was my b-day.. and he said it was rude I didn't call and wish him a good b-day? He is mental? But, why do I care so much for him... why?

[talaniman]

Ain't that much love in the world to put up with all his drama. I know you care, but please care for yourself enough to realise you deserve better. Much Luck.

[anclucasaz]

Why is it so hard for me to just let go. I feel so good about getting rid of him. Then I wish I never said the things I did. Do you think I am just thinking things will come back? All I want is what we once had. But, it's so hard for me and I don't get why. I just cared so much for him and feel like I failed. It hurts... I feel like it is eating me on the inside and I do not want to fel this way anymore...

Ain't that much love in the world to put up with all his drama. I know you care, but please care for yourself enough to realise you deserve better. Much Luck.

[talaniman]

Intense feelings of loss and sadness hits us all after a break-up, no matter the circumstances. It will take time, and will get better.