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    Divtogh's Avatar
    Divtogh Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Feb 6, 2015, 02:06 PM
    Manager lies about me to me and suggests of dismissal what can I do
    Hello I'd like to ask you: our manager is afraid (I can see) of strong people and I'm kind of soft hearted and person to some reason people try to push around. Some of my colleagues dislike me for not joining them in gossiping and others try to treat their emotional problems with me I guess, because they speak to me the way probably their mother spoke to them when they were growing up- in a rude manner. If I respond in the same way to them, they can complain about me being rude to them. I hate complaining about my colleagues however rude they might be and prefer to deal myself but I was advised not to because some more complains from others who were rude to me and I can be taken to line manager for rude behaviour so I was advice to complain first and not act back.

    Ok so what happened now- one of the colleagues saw me on the phone and tried to interrupt me, when I asked her to give me a private minute on the phone (I was on the phone with my bank, I'm buying the property and documentation needs to be sorted) but she started to speak in very arrogant and demanding tone (she was rude in short), I had to leave the room. Some time later I complained to my manager that if she could speak to my colleague and advise her to respect me by talking friendly with me, not interrupting me, and giving me privacy if I ask her. This same colleague is everyday on the phone too with her relatives from Africa and here in London, but when I mentioned it to my manager about this colleague being on the phone herself she said if she didn't see that colleague on the phone- means it didn't happen. :/

    Also there's a office where we change and I lock the doors temporarily while I get changed, another colleague complained about me locking the doors for a minute even though I opened doors to her when she knocked. So again my manager blamed me for that. So in short again- what my manager is doing: she confronts me about me being on the phone at work because of my colleague the one who was rude to me told her (manager herself did not see me being on the phone) but when I say that this colleague is on the phone herself every day, my manager says if she didn't see it so it didn't happen!

    Secondly : Additionally my manager told me that she saw me reading newspapers at work - I was shocked that she could lie like that because that never happened! So therefore I want to ask you: if my manager decides to get rid of me and tells lies about me to have me dismissed , the line manager - my mangers boss will of course believe her, not me. Plus my colleagues will 'confirm' and add something to what she is saying which can also be untrue, how can I disprove these lies just to stay at work? I understand nobody likes complainers but what otherwise I can do when somebody is rude and manipulative to me and I answer back then they complain about me to manager and I get confronted by manager. But if I complain about somebody being rude to me, I get confronted by manager too. No win win situation .

    What's the path for me then? Thank you
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,105, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    Feb 6, 2015, 02:21 PM
    You document your case and take it to the line manager before they can build a case. You are being bullied by the manager, and a coworker, so tell someone with the authority to deal with it, or look for another job.
    Precious7's Avatar
    Precious7 Posts: 333, Reputation: 61
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    #3

    Feb 6, 2015, 02:45 PM
    Keep everything in record, for eg: emails conversation, as an evidence for you, in case something happens in future. It may help you, who knows.
    Divtogh's Avatar
    Divtogh Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Feb 6, 2015, 03:46 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Precious7 View Post
    Keep everything in record, for eg: emails conversation, as an evidence for you, in case something happens in future. It may help you, who knows.
    I want to do that, but my manger can simoly dismiss it as untrue, she may say it never happened or so..

    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    You document your case and take it to the line manager before they can build a case. You are being bullied by the manager, and a coworker, so tell someone with the authority to deal with it, or look for another job.
    The thing is I like my job and don't want to lose it, it gives good money, lots of free time and is very easy also, so I really would like to keep it, because bullies are everywhere, if I find another job there can be bullies too
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #5

    Feb 6, 2015, 03:49 PM
    You were on the phone during business hours for a private matter. The other person may also use the phone for personal calls, but you never asked her about a business matter during a private call and were then rebuffed and asked to be quiet.

    You're the one that complained that she interrupted you during a personal call while you were being paid to work, your manager didn't need to see you on the phone, you complained about it!
    Divtogh's Avatar
    Divtogh Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Feb 6, 2015, 03:58 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Alty View Post
    You were on the phone during business hours for a private matter. The other person may also use the phone for personal calls, but you never asked her about a business matter during a private call and were then rebuffed and asked to be quiet.

    You're the one that complained that she interrupted you during a personal call while you were being paid to work, your manager didn't need to see you on the phone, you complained about it!
    Great, I understand, thanks

    Quote Originally Posted by Divtogh View Post
    Great, I understand, thanks
    Thanks for reply again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alty View Post
    You were on the phone during business hours for a private matter. The other person may also use the phone for personal calls, but you never asked her about a business matter during a private call and were then rebuffed and asked to be quiet.

    You're the one that complained that she interrupted you during a personal call while you were being paid to work, your manager didn't need to see you on the phone, you complained about it!
    Thanks for reply again

    Quote Originally Posted by Precious7 View Post
    Keep everything in record, for eg: emails conversation, as an evidence for you, in case something happens in future. It may help you, who knows.
    Thank you you very right I was to do that, I just afraid that it can be easily shrugged off by manager, who will believ me, simple healthcare assistant?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #7

    Feb 6, 2015, 04:09 PM
    I think you are in danger of being fired or let go. You say that you know that no one likes complainers, but you did, about a very minor thing.
    'I complained to my manager that if she could speak to my colleague and advise her to respect me by talking friendly with me, not interrupting me, and giving me privacy if I ask her.'
    OUCH! That is something you should handle yourself. It is considered trivial. It isn't work related.
    It won't do any good to go over anyone else's head.
    Divtogh's Avatar
    Divtogh Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Feb 6, 2015, 05:01 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    I think you are in danger of being fired or let go. You say that you know that no one likes complainers, but you did, about a very minor thing.
    'I complained to my manager that if she could speak to my colleague and advise her to respect me by talking friendly with me, not interrupting me, and giving me privacy if I ask her.'
    OUCH! That is something you should handle yourself. It is considered trivial. It isn't work related.
    It won't do any good to go over anyone else's head.
    Hmm, yes makes sense what you are saying.

    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    I think you are in danger of being fired or let go. You say that you know that no one likes complainers, but you did, about a very minor thing.
    'I complained to my manager that if she could speak to my colleague and advise her to respect me by talking friendly with me, not interrupting me, and giving me privacy if I ask her.'
    OUCH! That is something you should handle yourself. It is considered trivial. It isn't work related.
    It won't do any good to go over anyone else's head.
    Hmm, yes makes sense what you are saying. Good point you made. Just to add on that I can perfectly handle everything myself but then she will complain, that's why I complained first (it happened in the past, I was complained about being rude to someone who was rude to me. So I was told- if you (me) instead of returning back angry response would talk to me then it would be much better) so- I tried both but unsuccessfully
    Divtogh's Avatar
    Divtogh Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Feb 6, 2015, 05:59 PM
    Thank you for all of your answers, now I'm thinking that if I speak to them and behave to them in ignorant disrespectful way ( just the way they do to me) but perform at my job to the high standards, they cannot dismiss me. Good professional performance is the main thing keeping me at work?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #10

    Feb 6, 2015, 06:25 PM
    There are two sides to every story, more when you're dealing with co-workers. You're telling your side, and when we post about something bad we tend to favor ourselves, paint ourselves in a good light, pretend that we do no wrong, we're angels, it's someone else's fault.

    Look at the situation and be honest with yourself. Are you completely innocent? We already know you aren't because you make personal calls when you're at work. You don't get paid to make personal calls at work. Are you maybe trying to make others look worse because you know that you're not great eitehr?

    Bottom line, most companies are at will employees. That means that they can fire you just because they don't like you, and there's nothing you can do about it. They don't need a reason.

    In this case they do have a reason, many of them. You're a complainer, you also use office time to make personal calls. That's more than enough to fire you and they don't even need that much.

    If you still have a job now, do your job, stop making personal calls during work, stop worrying about what other people do during work, stop complaining, and just do your job!
    Divtogh's Avatar
    Divtogh Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Feb 7, 2015, 12:54 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Alty View Post
    There are two sides to every story, more when you're dealing with co-workers. You're telling your side, and when we post about something bad we tend to favor ourselves, paint ourselves in a good light, pretend that we do no wrong, we're angels, it's someone else's fault.

    Look at the situation and be honest with yourself. Are you completely innocent? We already know you aren't because you make personal calls when you're at work. You don't get paid to make personal calls at work. Are you maybe trying to make others look worse because you know that you're not great eitehr?

    Bottom line, most companies are at will employees. That means that they can fire you just because they don't like you, and there's nothing you can do about it. They don't need a reason.

    In this case they do have a reason, many of them. You're a complainer, you also use office time to make personal calls. That's more than enough to fire you and they don't even need that much.

    If you still have a job now, do your job, stop making personal calls during work, stop worrying about what other people do during work, stop complaining, and just do your job!
    Thanks I like your answers and agree with you 100%. Then what to do if someone is rude to me in fron of others even?
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #12

    Feb 7, 2015, 03:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Divtogh View Post
    Thanks I like your answers and agree with you 100%. Then what to do if someone is rude to me in fron of others even?
    There is no excuse for rudeness. If someone is rude to you then turn your back on them and walk away. What is the sense in a retort and an argument ?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,105, Reputation: 10852
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    #13

    Feb 7, 2015, 06:54 AM
    These are some very petty office squabbles, more personal than professional, and that's where they should be dealt with, personally between you and your "offender". That you have a supervisor involved is what raises it to a new level. That's never good for a workplace. I don't know where in the world you are or what your cultural norms are, but where I come from you cover your own arse at work, and deal with adversaries personally either by ignoring them, or pushing back on a personal level.

    Rude people never seem to go away, nor do bullies, but being passive only encourages them to continue, so you better figure out how to stand up for yourself, instead of just taking it in the shorts whenever they decide to make you a target.

    Here is a good article to read through and it may give you insights on how you can handle your situation.

    5 Steps for Handling a Workplace Bully - US News

    And this one,

    http://www.doorway-to-self-esteem.co...g-at-work.html

    Most people who are bullied are not helpless. They have just not yet learnt how to handle bullying behaviour successfully. Of course, I am referring to adults here, and verbal or emotional bullying and not physical abuse.
    I'm making this point because part of the reason that people end up being bullied at work is that they are often passive and feel helpless.
    Feeling helpless is what keeps you trapped in a bad situation. Before you can get yourself out, you have to be able to act on your own behalf instead of waiting to be rescued. We might not be able to choose what happens to us, but we most definitely can choose how to respond
    Pretty clear you need to stand up for yourself a whole lot more.
    Divtogh's Avatar
    Divtogh Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Feb 7, 2015, 09:13 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    These are some very petty office squabbles, more personal than professional, and that's where they should be dealt with, personally between you and your "offender". That you have a supervisor involved is what raises it to a new level. That's never good for a workplace. I don't know where in the world you are or what your cultural norms are, but where I come from you cover your own arse at work, and deal with adversaries personally either by ignoring them, or pushing back on a personal level.

    Rude people never seem to go away, nor do bullies, but being passive only encourages them to continue, so you better figure out how to stand up for yourself, instead of just taking it in the shorts whenever they decide to make you a target.

    Here is a good article to read through and it may give you insights on how you can handle your situation.

    5 Steps for Handling a Workplace Bully - US News

    And this one,

    Bullying At Work Prevention Guide




    Pretty clear you need to stand up for yourself a whole lot more.
    Thank you very much talaniman, you described me- I'm passive, good girl at work, so yes you right- I'm being taken advantage. I'd like to be strong but I'm afraid that I can be complained about and fired as 'being bully' myself plus forged evidence. You put here very good articles for me , thank you very much for that! Reading them right now :)
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #15

    Feb 8, 2015, 06:13 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Divtogh View Post
    Thanks I like your answers and agree with you 100%. Then what to do if someone is rude to me in fron of others even?
    You equate rudeness to someone interrupting a personal call of yours while you're at work, and not on a break. That's not rude, not in my book. Was the other employee trying to ask about something work related and you shushed her to continue your personal call?

    If you do what you're paid to do, and only concentrate on that, deal with personal issues when you're at home, not at work, then you're fine. The person that you think was rude to you, was interrupting a personal call, not a work call, while you were both at work!

    Concentrate on your work. Unless you need to deal with others to do your work, who cares what they say or do. Do what you're paid to do, and leave them to either fail or succeed on their own. But the way you're doing it now you're making yourself out to be a bad employee and a complainer.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7691
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    #16

    Feb 8, 2015, 11:24 PM
    Managers are not there to play "mother or father" it is your issue to either ignore,or get along with co/workers. If you have a problem with a coworker, go talk to them.
    Instead of complaining about the lock door, what is the company policy? If the policy states you cannot lock the door, don't, get that clarified as to a policy.

    The other worker or workers are walking over you because you allow it. On the personal bank call, really leaving the work area first, and then using the phone is more proper.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,105, Reputation: 10852
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    #17

    Feb 9, 2015, 08:00 AM
    When you don't stand for yourself, you fall for anything others throw at you.

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