How to give a cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail; get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set aside for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessertspoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T Shirt away and fetch a new one from bedroom.

12) Call the fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13) Tie the little b*****d's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for the RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

16) How to give a dog a pill... Wrap it in bacon

That's a good one!

I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Just had to share it. Sadly, there's a lot of truth there. :)

That is pretty good. The whole time I just imagined giving our husky his pills and just wrapping it in roast beef. Lol

That's just how it is.. lol!

Can't you just visualize it? I can! :p

LOL
Those silly cats ;)

LOL so true! :D now I ask the vet if it comes in liquid so much easier to squirt it down they're throats then trying to get them to swallow a pill :D

I had to laugh out loud on that one. Kind of reminds me of having my 11 lb Jack Russell terrier, Twinkie, get her nails trimmed. It would take me and the vet tech to hold her while she had a muzzle on her beak and the vet herself to trim the nails. Then we progressed to my son wearing goggles and his thick, heavy long gauntleted leather welding gloves and him holding her down and me trimming the nails. Now he does not need to wear the gloves and goggles but just holds her down and I trim them while dog growls. It only took us 7 years to get to this point though... You should see her after a bath. She loves a bath but will actually bite you if you dare try and dry her with a towel. She prefers the carpet(?) instead. Silly dog.

We had to give our cat a pill every day for a month and on the 4th day figured out if we crushed the pill into a powder and rubbed it on the cat's teeth and gums a little bit at a time they would lick it off and not spit it out... that worked really well!

Thanks, I'm still smiling. Laughed so hard two of my dogs came to see if I was okay.

My aunts dog will snuff out the pill and drop it on the floor and eat the bacon, smart dog!

LOLOL!! Alty! That ROCKED!!

Wow... soooo true. So, so true. :)