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    classyCaddy1955's Avatar
    classyCaddy1955 Posts: 13, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Mar 22, 2009, 04:14 PM
    Brushing off hurtful remarks about your looks
    I don't get it. If someone doesn't like you for personal problems, they rag on your looks. I've never had high self esteem or confidence so once anyone says I have a big nose or my lips are too small I get offended. And I wish I didn't, I really do. I just don't know how not to get offended by the low blows people throw at me. Some people say some really hurtful things. I never call anyone ugly, or say they have something wrong with their face to inslut them. It's what gives them charatcher, am I right? After all, it's not even their fault. You can't choose how you want to look, everyone's beautiful to me--inside and out. Well some people aren't so pretty on the inside.

    I just get hurt too eaisly by silly remarks. And it brings myself confidence and esteem even lower than before. I shouldn't let thoes things get to me... but I'm only human. An old friend and I had a falling out and she just called me ugly names and said my nose was too big and I have an ugly face and other things that just hurt deep down. Looks like the day has took a turn for the worse.:(

    Does anyone have some adivce for me to follow? How to not let these things eat at me on the inside because lord knows it isn't healthy. I'd really appreicate it, thank you.
    league's Avatar
    league Posts: 3, Reputation: 0
    New Member

    Mar 22, 2009, 04:24 PM

    That is how others try to deflect things off themselves by saying mean and not so nice things to other people. You need not to pay attention to them, our own light and beauty is from within and I truly believe we all get what help from whatever anyone wants to say is karma... I believe what comes around goes around. So don't let them get to you.. I know easier said than done...
    unspeaken21's Avatar
    unspeaken21 Posts: 69, Reputation: 10
    Junior Member

    Mar 22, 2009, 04:38 PM

    People are so mean... Some are so Rude!

    They say such things because they know it your weakness and they know its going to affect you the most...

    Im so sorry...
    The only advice I have is work on strengthening your weakness and Try not to surround yourself with inconsiderate shallow people..

    Good luck!
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert

    Mar 22, 2009, 09:09 PM
    When those sorts of things are said, they really sting. Especially if it is totally unexpected from someone you trust and love. It is an emotional blow, and it hurts.

    The worst of angry words come out in the heat of an argument, and are probably not meant, and the person saying them wishes they never had. Your friend needs to apologize and you need to give her notice that if it happens again, the friendship is over. Friends build you up, not tear you down.

    Once is an accident, twice is on purpose. I would not forgive a second time.

    When others who are not so close make a nasty comment as to your physical appearance, and this will take practice, think: "Are these words important to me? Am I going to let it ruin my day?" then, tell yourself NO! And turn and walk away. For a persistent person, simply ask them "Why did you say that?" and let them squirm a bit, then walk away.

    Even a few seconds to think and absorb the words is enough for you to take charge of how you are going to handle them. You will feel GREAT when you accept that, again with some practise, you will naturally control how you react, and truly mean it. You won't be revisiting it and getting upset with the remarks playing over and over in your head.

    The only things hurtful words do is hurt. They serve no other purpose and you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the why's.

    Hear the words, ask yourself those two questions, turn away and have a good time by being in control, and in charge, of how you respond to these attacks.
    Sunflowers's Avatar
    Sunflowers Posts: 218, Reputation: 23
    Full Member

    Mar 22, 2009, 09:24 PM

    Another reason people use this tactic when argueing is to divert the attention away from the subject at hand. Ignore any comments that are not related to the actual discussion.

    Or say something like -I've seen a mirror before I am perfectly aware of how I look. However I fail to see what my looks has to do with (whatever the problem is), and if you can't stay on topic there is no point in discussing this further.

    I'm sure you look fine. You are so right about how our different faces add to our character. How boring it would be if we all looked flawless.
    XOXOlove's Avatar
    XOXOlove Posts: 830, Reputation: 131
    Senior Member

    Mar 22, 2009, 09:49 PM

    I hate people who call others ugly too. It's so snobby! Girls at my school always get jealous of girls who are really smart, kind, or pretty and say "she's ugly." it doesn't matter if others don't like the way you look. Look the way you want to and ignore people who say mean things to you or tell them back that they aren't so pretty either with their ugly attitude. I know it can really get to you when someone says mean things. You just have to remind yourself that you don't think that you are what they see you as and that you don't have to change to look prettier for them.
    Sunflowers's Avatar
    Sunflowers Posts: 218, Reputation: 23
    Full Member

    Mar 22, 2009, 10:57 PM

    Pretty is as pretty does so ugly comments help identify ugly people :)
    classyCaddy1955's Avatar
    classyCaddy1955 Posts: 13, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Mar 23, 2009, 09:54 AM

    First off, thank you for all the advice! I realize that ugly comments do make ugly people (thank you Sunflowers!) and that the person who makes ugly remarks at you has their own personal issues that they need to come to peace with.

    Yesterday was a bad day, but today I'm walking out of the door with a new perspective... you are who you are, don't let anyone try to tell you different. And I am beautiful, very. :)
    0rphan's Avatar
    0rphan Posts: 1,282, Reputation: 240
    Ultra Member

    Mar 26, 2009, 02:19 PM

    Hi classycaddy1955... when people argue no matter what the reason, they will often say the first hurtful thing that comes into their head, just to hurt the other person... usually afterwards, they are very sorry and genuinly do not remember saying some of the things.

    I think there is an element of jealousy here, I think your friend would like to be like you but just doesn't know how.

    For now I would ignore her comments, see if she apologizes, hang out with another friend who doesn't abuse you in this way.

    I think after a while your first friend will miss you and want to make peace... give her the chance, if she is sincere explain to her how her insults affect you and that if she wishes to be your friend then she has to behave like one.
    color of nIght's Avatar
    color of nIght Posts: 1, Reputation: 2
    New Member

    Apr 4, 2009, 12:47 AM
    Oh Hun... mean spirited souls come in all sizes, status and ages... sad to say. But true beauty starts within yourself... look in the mirror... you're a beautiful soul vs the person with the ugly heart to have the nerve to make such rude comments about you. Just think... you can easily change your looks.. with make-up or a great haircut but she'll never be able to change her vicious little hating heart.=)

    Bravo and the best to you...
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
    Ultra Member

    Apr 14, 2009, 07:44 AM

    I develop tough skin over the years. I used to be called all sorts of names but I realize people say bad things to you because they are miserable and want you to react in a negative way. When they see you are letting their words effect you they will continue to push your buttons.

    I been called flat chested, ugly, big nose/lips, even had a few racist remarks threw my way and it did hurt me. I used to ask my mother "why are people so mean?" My mother just told me "people are who they are and in life you going come across someone that try to put you down no matter what or what walk of life your in. I just have to find a way not to let their words affect me nor let it turn me into a mean person like them".

    When they say you have a big nose or lips- smile and say "I know don't you just love it?" That would throw them off because they are going see their words aren't affecting you and move on to someone else to bother.

    You just have to love the skin your in and embrace everything about yourself.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
    Ultra Member

    Apr 14, 2009, 08:25 AM

    When I was 15 I was skinny and had long red hair and wore big ugly thick glasses,I got called all sorts of names,man,I cried.

    But,instead of wreaking my confidence I decided it would make me stronger,and I gave off an air of confidence even if I didn't feel it.

    You are better.

    And as I got older that confidence grew.

    Today,I'm a hot redhead,and I love me.

    Don't let them break you down'you are beautiful no matter what they sayyy'
    LovesTheSun13's Avatar
    LovesTheSun13 Posts: 68, Reputation: -2
    Junior Member

    Jul 5, 2009, 02:27 PM
    Ugh, I understand 100%. Sometimes, someone says something to me, for example that I gained weight which I did. I just feel like saying "When somebody gains weight, they know, they don't need an insensitive person like you pointing it out." Besides, who gives a crap if I gained a bit of weight? I'm better off just not being told. When someone says that stuff to me, I just keep in mind that in most cases, they're trying to bring me down to their low, friendless level because they feel awful about themselves too, but I know that it's not always easy to forget what they said.

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