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    Unhappyatwork's Avatar
    Unhappyatwork Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 14, 2017, 12:36 PM
    Told by my boss the CEO thinks my hair looks unbrushed
    A few months ago I landed what I thought was the perfect job for me. After some time I found that I was at odds with my manager who tends to be very snippy and micromages mine and my other coworkers every move. Last Monday I had my first performance review. My work was stellar and things were good but as I was getting up to leave my managaer told me the CEO had approached her with concerns about my hair looking unbrushed. They were concerned because I was out in the public. Obviously very hurt and embarrassed about that I mentioned a few things I had going on personally (I am 5 months pregnant and losing hair) but overall I don't feel like it's true. Maybe she saw me when I came in on a windy day or was wearing a hat in the winter time. I am always very courteous about my hair (I shower twice a day shampoo and conditioner) and I carry I brush with me wherever I go. I have thin hair and it tends to stray easy but like I said I'm pretty conscious about it and brush it more often then most. I took the next day off to cry about it and I went to her supervisor to discuss the conversation I had with my manager and some of the other problems I have had with her. She told me that my manager approached her and told me that she was sorry to have the conversation with me. She also said that the CEO is known to make comments with little support and evidence and for what it's worth she was surprised to hear that she never saw anything out of place and thought I dressed professionally including my hair. I have had other people at work complimenting my hair from time to time, and a close coworker who we are very real with each other also thinks it was out of line. While that made me feel better in some ways I am exteremly self conscious now and borderline obsessive with my hair placement. I'm nervous to be anywhere near the CEO or my manager. I found out I was pregnant three weeks after I started here and I know being a one person department that it probably wasn't too exciting for my manager or the CEO but I can't help but feel a little "pushed" on because of that. Should I go to HR? I have started looking for other jobs but I am really disappointed because I love the job minus my managers management style and now this issue. Thoughts?
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #2

    Apr 14, 2017, 01:18 PM
    I think you are too sensitive. If you are going to be in business, you need to develop a thicker skin.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,215, Reputation: 10853
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    #3

    Apr 14, 2017, 02:47 PM
    I wouldn't let anyone ruin my day with a rude comment or behavior, let alone make me leave a dream job. While I think you may be overly sensitive, you may have good reason being 5 months pregnant, which can be stressful by itself. I think Scottgem is correct, there is no guarantee that another job will be better or have better managers so maybe talking to your doctor first would be better than starting a big thing with your job by going to HR.

    I took the next day off to cry about it and I went to her supervisor to discuss the conversation I had with my manager and some of the other problems I have had with her. She told me that my manager approached her and told me that she was sorry to have the conversation with me. She also said that the CEO is known to make comments with little support and evidence and for what it's worth she was surprised to hear that she never saw anything out of place and thought I dressed professionally including my hair.
    This seems like such a small thing to not be able to move beyond.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #4

    Apr 14, 2017, 03:19 PM
    Can you tell us whether or not this fits 'hormones of pregnancy' behavior for you?
    Because you ARE being too sensitive. Taking the day off to cry? Goodness.
    The CEO was not out of line. You represent the company.
    Out of line is getting personal, or touching inappropriately, or suggesting that you wear tighter skirts.

    As for getting pregnant right after starting a new job... of course they aren't thrilled. You are costing them in training time, just for starters.

    If your manager micromanages and it's driving you nuts, that's a totally different matter. Continue to look for that new job - AFTER you are back from baby care, not before, unless it's a high turnover summer job anyway.

    Going to HR about all this is sure way to get in deeper than just being pregnant early into a job.
    Unhappyatwork's Avatar
    Unhappyatwork Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Apr 14, 2017, 03:35 PM
    Really took the day off to take a breather and regroup. Because otherwise my "emotions" would get ahead of me.

    By the way I didn't know I was pregnant when I accepted the position. I found out three weeks later. I wouldn't have left my former job had I known because I had a much better maternity policy there not to mention I had vacation and sick time built up unlike here.

    Maybe I am being too sensitive, it's been nagging at me all week. I have never had this problem before and I am a stellar employee. It just came from a weird place and a weird feeling. How does one move past?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #6

    Apr 14, 2017, 03:48 PM
    In the business world, this is real life, if you can not handle this, you will find it almost anywhere. You need to get harder if you want to stay in your line of work in a large or med company
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,215, Reputation: 10853
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    #7

    Apr 14, 2017, 05:02 PM
    Having a great support system helps you get through difficult periods. Usually that means good friends and family. Do you have those kinds of people in your life?
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,293, Reputation: 5645
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    #8

    Apr 14, 2017, 08:29 PM
    This is coming from a woman with thin hair. After my chemo I didn't regrow all of my hair. It is thinning and I have bald spots if not brushed right. So, I feel your pain.

    With that said, you are being overly sensitive. You took a day off to cry? Regroup? It's really time to grow some thicker skin.

    A vitamin called Biotin is okay to take during pregnancy, it should help you with the hair loss. After taking it for about 3 months I notice my hair seems to be thicker. Also, you might want to get a hairstyle that can be backcombed to make it appear like you have more hair.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #9

    Apr 15, 2017, 04:53 AM
    ''How does one move past?''

    I tend to be someone who acts concretely to solve emotional disruptions (and I have plenty of them)!
    If hormones are making you extra sensitive, there's not a lot of help in giving you toughness advice.
    If I were pregnant and unhappy, I would go through hell and high water to get away from the stress. Is there any way you can take a whole year or even two off? Anyone to support you, even going back to family?

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