[ClerView123]

My ex and I parted ways last year without an official goodbye, but a quick conversation after she got herself into financial straits and two kids at home - and just said: "I think I need to work this out on my own..."

I sucked it up and didn't say a word other than I loved her. I went by the next day and we chatted, but I didn't say an official goodbye, I just stopped calling and visiting.
She called a few months later, but left no message. So, I kept my silence.

A year went by and I ran into her and the kids in the park. She said she had a busy year, and that the kids talked about me all the time. She didn't say she missed me or needed to talk. Just that "I had called. You didn't call me back. I figured you thought I was too much of a b-*** (she had been pretty cold leading to the break-up)."

She mentioned the year alone was good for her. A lot of quiet time and exercise... and had been working hard in school... "

We hugged, she asked where I was going and smiled and walked me to my car with kids around me. And then smiled and walked away... that was 3 weeks ago.

As a woman, do you think she was playing it cool and cared, or was breaking us up for good? I just don't know what to do here and have tried to give her space.

[artlady]

She seems to have survived intact so I would say she is getting on with her life.
A single Mom does not have the luxury of giving in to heartbreak and drama.She is on a mission to be a Mom and that takes precedence over everything.
She gave no indication from my vantage point that she wanted to pick up where you left off.
She was nice to you ,as she sounds like a mature person who can put things in their proper perspective.

[redhed35]

I think perhaps the break up has done her the world of good..

That sounds harsh.

But,I will say this,she was happy to see you,seemed friendly.. I would suggest a quick call if you wanted too,ask her out for coffee,if she refuses,then you know,if not,take it from there.

By the way.the men here give good sound advice and their input is invaluable!
You never know where the nugget of advice will come from.

[Ash123]

Ok, from the guys side, I'll translate for you for the women, since I think I know where you were going/wondering:

a) why didn't she leave a message long ago?
b) if she said she was a b*** as a reason she thought you didn't call back (what she said when she ran into you), was she inviting sympathy or not in terms of communicating more?

Ladies? :-)

[redhed35]

Ok, from the guys side, i'll translate for you for the women, since I think I know where you were going/wondering:

a) why didn't she leave a message long ago?
b) if she said she was a b*** as a reason she thought you didn't call back, was she inviting sympathy or not to communicate more?

ladies? :-)

Perhaps she was having one of those nights where she realised her part in the break up.

Just a plain old apoligy?

Depends on the tone of the message.

A phone call months ago does not really come into play now as he didn't respond at the time,and they have spoken since and ended the conversation on good terms.

[TrueFaith]

Hello there. Somtime people just need space, if its for a year or two.

the big question is. Was you really happy with her? And was she really happy with you?
in my view its bad to go back to things, always move forward, in life never back.
if you can build something off this. Like maybe a friendship then work towards something else. Then go for it.

I just don't think you should waist your time and effort.
because I know for a fact if you really love someone, and they make you feel good.
don't you want them in your life, and with you, for every part of it? Good and bad?

will she dump you again when things get to tough?
these are questions you have to really ask yourself
at the end of the day it is your life my friend, and your emotions on the line.

best of luck

P.S I'm not a women. But ill give you my advice =)

Regards

[Starry nights]

My ex and I parted ways last year without an official goodbye, but a quick conversation after she got herself into financial straits and two kids at home - and just said: "I think I need to work this out on my own..."

I sucked it up and didn't say a word other than I loved her. I went by the next day and we chatted, but I didn't say an official goodbye, I just stopped calling and visiting.
She called a few months later, but left no message. So, I kept my silence.

A year went by and I ran into her and the kids in the park. She said she had a busy year, and that the kids talked about me all the time. She didn't say she missed me or needed to talk. Just that "I had called. You didn't call me back. I figured you thought I was too much of a b-*** (she had been pretty cold leading to the break-up)."

She mentioned the year alone was good for her. A lot of quiet time and exercise....and had been working hard in school..."

We hugged, she asked where I was going and smiled and walked me to my car with kids around me. And then smiled and walked away...that was 3 weeks ago.

As a woman, do you think she was playing it cool and cared, or was breaking us up for good? I just don't know what to do here and have tried to give her space.

I agree with Red here.This woman is matured and seems to have picked up the pieces and moved on.You,on the other hand,don't seem to have had closure here.So,basically I see it this way--you are the one who needs closure and not her.So THIS IS ABOUT YOU and how you need to know WHERE YOU ACTUALLY STAND.

So go ahead,just give her a call and ask her out.If she agrees,great,you get a chance at understanding what's on her mind and what you need to do.If she disagrees to go out with you,cut it short and put it across very straight to her as in something like"Its been a year,do you think the time apart has changed anything between us" or something along those lines.Then just take her word as the final say on the matter and take your decision.

[Catsmine]

Clerview, what I read from your question is that you're living on different timelines. With two kids, a year is a complete lifestyle change for her, with or without a relationship, every year. You seem to regard it as an extended coffeebreak.

It's been three weeks since you ran into her again and you're still wondering whether to even call her!? She might remember that she ran into you again, but there have been at least two crises in her life since then.

I'm a guy, and we always hear don't rush things, but you listened way too much.

[clearview1234]

There's a couple details to add to this and our meeting:

After her first call at three months that I did not respond to (she left no message),

- a month or so later she also gave an actress who was moving to LA my email to get info on LA (I used to live there). I gave the girl some info.

-Then 6 months later she got in touch with my sister to give her some clothes for my niece that her daughter had grown out of...


I did not respond because no direct communication had been made with me.

As a woman, would you ever communicate in this manner? Was she scared? Or am I missing something?

Our last meeting was surreal because I have worked hard to give her space and not let us repeat or get hurt. She said she had been living like a nun (little extra $ or time)... But I still care a lot for her, and was happy to let her life get in order...

I want to be a man, but feel like something is undone, but don't want to go back if not wise.


(*note - my login name has changed slightly, so I logged in again, after I could not recall or retrieve my first password.)

[redhed35]

You are doing an autopsy on very dead relationship!

You have already done the autopsy...

Move on to a new phase and call her for a coffee,or don't..

Rehashing what is past is not going to change the last conversation you had with her.. which you said went well...

If your not sure you want her don't pursue this woman.

This women is doing OK by your account,don't ring and start things up again if your not going to follow through.

[talaniman]

You could have avoided this whole 3 week emotional ordeal, by just asking her if it was okay to call her again. (she broke it off with you, remember? If not, DON'T FORGET!) Also she didn't invite you to call her either.

Seeing her again has stirred some old feelings and triggered your curiosity, but if you can't handle rejection, or whatever else she may come up with, leave her alone, and take it for what it is, a chance meeting.

She seems to have gotten herself together without you and maybe its best to leave her alone. She was just being friendly, and had she been wanting you back on any level, she would have given you an indication, but no where in her post has she done that. (No, not even in the contacts she has had with your family either).

Bottom line, and our opinions notwithstanding, what do you want to do about this????

I ask because, I doubt either of you wants to go backward, but your confused by your own feelings.

[clerview1234]

Indeed.
My road to how.

She had just laid it on me that if I thought she was a b**** she could understand why I didn't call. But she had. She was right, it was partially that, but also that I didn't want to date more unless I knew she had my back. It was a fear I guess. After the dress for my niece. And a mutual friend asking for both of our help I guess I wondered. But I diodn't want to walk into a disaster - and I wanted a woman's take on the episode I guess.

There were kids all around us and it was tough to talk, and it was a talk I'd wanted to have for a while...

Just sorting it out...

[talaniman]

There is no rush, give it some thought. The worst decisions are the ones we make impulsively.

Ask yourself, what has really changed, and would you be thinking like this if you did randomly run into her?