[breakaway90]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site and I've never actually used anything like this before. But I figured I would post my story to see if you have any advice regarding my situation with my ex boyfriend.

We dated for a little over year, and he was my first real love. In the beginning of February he broke up with me, and it was so unexpected and heart breaking for me (as it probably is for everyone else). This was my first heart break and of course I made all the stupid mistakes. I kept in touch with him for the whole month of February and even went to visit him at his school (we go to separate colleges) after the first two weeks. He kept saying he "cared and wanted to be good friends."

At the end of February I couldn't take it anymore- he was treating me terribly and we were friends on his terms only. So I stopped talking to him completely. He sent a few emails asking me to reply and saying he was annoyed that I wouldn't talk to him. After one month of NC I broke and we started to talk again. He told me he still has feelings for me and thought he always would. So I was stupid and went back again, and basically went through April and May with him pulling me back and forth and stringing me along, changing his mind over and over. He ended it abruptly at the start of June saying that he "wouldn't be interested in anyone like me ever again".

So I stopped talking to him again and basically he would text me every 2-3 weeks just to say hey and see what I was up to. I always replied and acted very distant, and then he would say he really wanted to hang out with me. After a month of avoiding seeing him I tried to make plans with him to see a movie and he cancelled the night before so he could see it with his cousins instead. I was furious because he was the one begging me to hang out. I knew then that I needed to give up and forget him.

So today I have made great progress compared to the first few months after the break up, and I'm feeling a lot happier. I have plenty to do with other friends, a summer job, and I am going back to school in a couple of weeks. But the problem is that even though I feel happy again, I am recently starting to miss my ex a lot. I went a good month being happy without him and not caring, but now I am back to thinking of him all the time again. I don't understand why because I have not seen or contacted him, and he hasn't contacted me either. I understand that it's over and I want so badly to move on 100% but it feels nearly impossible because I think of him everyday still. A part of me hopes that someday he will come back to me and things will work out between us again. Do you think I should give up hope and try to forget him? He's a whole different person than the guy I knew and I have trouble accepting that he won't ever be a part of my life again. We were best friends for a while before we even started dating, and I fell for him hard. How do I accept that I've lost him and he's not coming back? Is it time for me to give up?

Just a note- I am not at the grieving point of a break up where I am obsessing over every detail, crying all the time, and feeling depressed. I went through that already and I am actually quite happy with my life. I just need advice on how to deal with the feelings I still have for him and the hope that someday things will work out between us again.

[liz28]

Hw was your first love so your going mess him but you seem to be on the right track. Give yourself some time and in the meantime when thoughts of him enter your mind think of something else.

I glad you are where your are right now and no matter what don't break NC. Keep your head up!

[talaniman]

Stop worrying about working things out with him in the future. Plan your future without him in it, and enjoy it.