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    embiddonovan's Avatar
    embiddonovan Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 19, 2019, 04:35 PM
    Is my teacher strongly attached to me? (In a non-sexual way)
    I am a 16 year old boy in my junior year of high school. My math teacher is in her mid 20s and most of the boys in my school have a huge crush on her. A couple months ago she asked me if I was OK because I looked sad. I asked to talk to her after school and she said OK. We talked for 2hours and 30 minutes about so many things. I told her about my drug use and the times I have been high with her and in her class. She smiled a lot and told me about her smoking habits and how she understands what Im going through so well. She told me that in high school she smoked a lot and had nobody to help her out when she needed it. After that I've come by to her room after school to help her volunteer or just to talk. She lets me input grades for my class and grade the tests and quizzes for my class. According to other students she has never let any volunteer grade their own classes work assignments. One day she also told me that she was going to stop smoking weed all of winter for me. She has also mentioned that she's talked about me and my smoking habits to her therapist. She helps me for my ACT and goes over questions I get wrong several lunches a week. Im worried that I have been talking to her too much because I don't want to ruin this powerful connection. I can't tell if it is unique to have this bond or if other students have talked to their teachers about drugs and personal information. That first time we talked (for those 2hours) she said that what we said in the room should not leave the room. I notice in class she stares at me quite frequently. After class every day I either ask her if I can come volunteer/ or get ACT help the following day or she says something to me. I can't tell if its normal. Lastly, at another time I was talking to her about deep and she started crying and we cried together. The next day we had exams and I handed in my test (Im one of her top students in all her classes) and she looked over it and gave it back to me pointing at a question telling me to fix it. Is she attached to me?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,303, Reputation: 7691
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    #2

    Jan 19, 2019, 04:48 PM
    Most likely no, she is just a good teacher, perhaps trying to help you though a bad time in your life, (since most students don't cry with their teachers over a test
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,870, Reputation: 5429
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    #3

    Jan 19, 2019, 05:13 PM
    She lets me input grades for my class and grade the tests and quizzes for my class. According to other students she has never let any volunteer grade their own classes work assignments.
    Um, this doesn't sound ethical.

    She's your teacher, not your therapist. Or, does she want to become your girlfriend?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,870, Reputation: 5429
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    #4

    Jan 19, 2019, 06:15 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    Most likely no, she is just a good teacher, perhaps trying to help you though a bad time in your life, (since most students don't cry with their teachers over a test
    I have to disagee. She is NOT a good teacher in that she isn't keeping her professional distance from this student. Did you read his entire post?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,135, Reputation: 10852
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    #5

    Jan 20, 2019, 09:48 AM
    I think you both have formed an attachment that crosses some boundaries and surprised her therapist has not warned her of it. I guess it's up to you to back off this needy dependence for each other, since she cannot. That the conversation has not been had is the red flag that is very unhealthy if ignored.

    I wouldn't think a 16 year old would pick up on it, but glad you have and I hope you act accordingly and not get carried away by this unhealthy attachment, and back away from it. I think the lines between teacher and student have clearly become blurred and I just don't think that's healthy for either of you.

    What do you think?
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 3,998, Reputation: 468
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    #6

    Jan 20, 2019, 10:02 AM
    This is a big red flag! Listening to a student and helping them study is appropriate. But, being alone with a student is never appropriate, ever! Inputting grades is also unethical.
    embiddonovan's Avatar
    embiddonovan Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jan 20, 2019, 11:10 AM
    @talaniman

    Thank you for your advice!
    I don't want to stop it though, it is a really good support system for me and she is able to motivate me to do better in school and my preparations for college. I think her therapist has told her to stop being open with me because my teacher told me that "you aren't supposed to be friends with students" but its OK with her. And I am usually the one that initiates the conversations, but she responds to them in a very open way. I am just worried that I have been spending too much time with her because other students have started to notice and I just don't want it to become awkward. I'm confused as to what I should do to ensure that maybe we can keep having the talks just with no awkwardness or anything.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,135, Reputation: 10852
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    #8

    Jan 20, 2019, 04:51 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by embiddonovan View Post
    @talaniman

    Thank you for your advice!
    I don't want to stop it though, it is a really good support system for me and she is able to motivate me to do better in school and my preparations for college. I think her therapist has told her to stop being open with me because my teacher told me that "you aren't supposed to be friends with students" but its OK with her. And I am usually the one that initiates the conversations, but she responds to them in a very open way. I am just worried that I have been spending too much time with her because other students have started to notice and I just don't want it to become awkward. I'm confused as to what I should do to ensure that maybe we can keep having the talks just with no awkwardness or anything.
    I have already sugggested you back away and refrain from the personal stuff at least and would advise she do the same. You are a young teen and of course would be confused about not doing that which benefits you. There is no excuse for your teacher though who is obviously young and inexperienced in such matters. Now you know something isn't that right which is why you posted, so maybe the awkwardness is telling you to think and do the right thing.

    Deserves some thought I really believe.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,870, Reputation: 5429
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    #9

    Jan 20, 2019, 05:27 PM
    I am just worried that I have been spending too much time with her because other students have started to notice and I just don't want it to become awkward.
    It will become more than awkward. As a former teacher, I know that students will complain about this to their parents and maybe to other teachers. Eventually, the principal or head of the school will be told or will hear about your teacher's permissiveness and private talks with you. She will be scolded, probably brought before the school board, and maybe get only a warning or she may be fired. (I don't know how this sort of thing is handled where you live, but that's what would happen in my neck of the woods.)
    ma0641's Avatar
    ma0641 Posts: 15,681, Reputation: 1012
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    #10

    Jan 20, 2019, 05:57 PM
    Didn't you ask this under a different name? Even ended in "donovan?" Didn't like the answers? Please don't waste a volunteers time..

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