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    alicia0987's Avatar
    alicia0987 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 22, 2014, 12:03 PM
    How do I help my boyfriend get out of the foster home he's in at 18
    My boyfriend is in foster care and my parents are doing foster care and the home he is at isn't abiding by the rules what do I do we've reported and everything I need help
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    Sep 22, 2014, 12:09 PM
    What he doing still in foster care at 18. I thought you aged out of the system the day you became an adult.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,928, Reputation: 5430
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    #3

    Sep 22, 2014, 02:10 PM
    In IL, smoothy, 21 is the cutoff. Not sure where she lives.

    If your parents do fostering, they must know a few social workers. Have they been in on these reports? Who did your parents report the poor fostering to?
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    alicia0987 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Sep 23, 2014, 11:25 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    In IL, smoothy, 21 is the cutoff. Not sure where she lives.

    If your parents do fostering, they must know a few social workers. Have they been in on these reports? Who did your parents report the poor fostering to?
    They already have reported her numerous times but in the State of Alabama you can age out at the age of 18 and his social worker many people have reported her and so have my parents
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    alicia0987 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Sep 23, 2014, 11:32 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    What he doing still in foster care at 18. I thought you aged out of the system the day you became an adult.
    He's birthday is in 5 to 4 weeks on October 27 and you do
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    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #6

    Sep 23, 2014, 12:31 PM
    If he ages out at 18 where you live... I doubt anything will change before his birthday then, thats a month away give or take a couple days, by the time ite reported.. they investigate and make any decisions, he will be 18, out of the system and the foster parents will stop getting paid for taking care of him. At that point he is free to go wherever he wants. Only nobody is going to be getting paid to support him. The only places it would matter is as was pointed out...if you are in a place that places the age of 21 to age out of the system.
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    alicia0987 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Sep 29, 2014, 11:07 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    If he ages out at 18 where you live... I doubt anything will change before his birthday then, thats a month away give or take a couple days, by the time ite reported.. they investigate and make any decisions, he will be 18, out of the system and the foster parents will stop getting paid for taking care of him. At that point he is free to go wherever he wants. Only nobody is going to be getting paid to support him. The only places it would matter is as was pointed out...if you are in a place that places the age of 21 to age out of the system.
    I mean its been going on for a long time and now he has to have surgury on his ACL tomarrow and I want to be there but they won't let me cause he's banned to see me out of school and or talk to out of school until he gets out and goes where his real mom is and I am severely scared of losing him to where he will leave me I don't want him leaving me cause I know its stressful of all of everything going on at once and no one will do anything thanks for the advice I appreciatte it
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #8

    Sep 29, 2014, 11:21 AM
    If he leaves you in the next couple months for something that petty, then he wasn't worth having and he would have left you anyway over something else.

    People go through this every day... and honestly... its a great way to see how serious he was about you to begin with. If he leaves then you are both better off. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm saying that because too many people stay with someone for the very worst of reasons. And your fear of what MIGHT happen is one of them. If he's going to leave over that... then count on him leaving over anything else too. Do you want someone that's going to leave you over something small and minor? I don't think so. That's a very good definition of a very bad relationship. People who both actually do care a lot about each other do not leave the other for small or minor things or inconvieniences.

    THere isn't anything you or anyone is going to be able to do before he turns 18, there just isn't enough time, even if you had someone to pay the significant legal fees. Just like the end of a ball game... the clock is about to run out, there really isn't much you can do before it does. And I believe you said that he said that he will age out of the system when he turns 18 where you live. He will then be free to do whatever he wants as long as he finds his own place to live.
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    alicia0987 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Sep 29, 2014, 11:53 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    If he leaves you in the next couple months for something that petty, then he wasn't worth having and he would have left you anyway over something else.

    People go through this every day... and honestly... its a great way to see how serious he was about you to begin with. If he leaves then you are both better off. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm saying that because too many people stay with someone for the very worst of reasons. And your fear of what MIGHT happen is one of them. If he's going to leave over that... then count on him leaving over anything else too. Do you want someone that's going to leave you over something small and minor? I don't think so. That's a very good definition of a very bad relationship. People who both actually do care a lot about each other do not leave the other for small or minor things or inconvieniences.

    THere isn't anything you or anyone is going to be able to do before he turns 18, there just isn't enough time, even if you had someone to pay the significant legal fees. Just like the end of a ball game... the clock is about to run out, there really isn't much you can do before it does. And I believe you said that he said that he will age out of the system when he turns 18 where you live. He will then be free to do whatever he wants as long as he finds his own place to live.
    Thank you I just feel like I should talk to someone but its just a fear cause I've had it done to me quite a few times and I am fighting cause I love him and I do know he does as well I guess were just going to have to take day by day until he does turn 18
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    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #10

    Sep 29, 2014, 12:04 PM
    Just remember anyone worth having will stand by your side through thick or thin. If they leave over petty thngs... then you really are better off without them.

    You might only begin to grasp what I'm saying right now... but as you get older you are going to understand the wisdom behind that. Friends are not all created equally... many who you consider good friends are really only friends of convienience... they quickly find other things to do and excuses to be away shortly after youneed something... and they frequently were the people asking for help and stuff long before then.

    Boyfriends and girlfriends really aren't any different.Its how you separate the ones that are there as long as there is something in it for them... from those who truly want to be with you. And yes there will be bumps and bruises along the way as you learn this... as well has some seriously hurt fellings when you find out the true nature of some of these people. THe ones that survive the trials and tribulations....will usually be around a long time.

    But you are at the age where people are getting out of school, and moving on with their lives.....you will be seeing a lot of this in the next few years.

    I've packed up and made major relocations several times, Twice moving internationally....some friiends I've had all that time...many others went by the wayside.

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