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    rkris's Avatar
    rkris Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    May 6, 2010, 09:47 AM
    Help wanted for a daughter...
    I met a girl during an official tour of duty; I'm 42 years old, married with a 14 years son and a loving wife. What I've always wanted was a daughter but somehow destiny had something else in store for me.
    The girl is 19 years old and with her family of parents and elder brother and a younger sister. Somehow we clicked and we consider ourselves as family now. She really loves me as her father, in fact more than her biological father and I love her more than anything else in the world. Her career, her life has become the focal point of my life.
    The problem is that her father is a very orthodox Indian and believes that girls are to be married off the moment they turn 18 or maximum after doing graduation. I've even asked her parents to let me treat her as my God-daughter (or that I should be her God-Father). But they are mum on the subject. They are not saying 'No'. So there is hope.
    How can I be of help to her; she's a very talented person. I want her to be helped to work and do well; her parents esp. her father is a difficult man and not very supportive of his daughters esp. going out and being independent. How can I help her without bringing any more trouble on her from her biological-fathers side?
    Help me please, it's really troubling me a lot.
    ebaines's Avatar
    ebaines Posts: 12,131, Reputation: 1307
    Expert
     
    #2

    May 6, 2010, 11:56 AM

    I'm struck that the family is Indian (Hindu or Muslim, I assume) and yet you want to be a "Godfather," which is a christain notion - a Godparent's role is to raise the child as a good christian if the parents are unable to. No wonder the father is put off!

    I would be very wary if some 42-year old guy started hanging around my children. You seem to have gone way overboard on this - you say this girl is the "focal point" of your life - but what about your wife, or your own son? My advice is take a deep breath, recognize that you are treading where you don't belong at the expense of your own family, and back away an appropriate distance. Do NOT try to interject yourself between the girl and her family. Arranged marriages are the norm in many cultures - so unless you are seeing some sort of abuse taking place here be supportive of the girl's family.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #3

    May 6, 2010, 03:08 PM
    Ebains has some very good points there.

    In addition to that, I have a few that might help in coming up with appropriate responses for you.

    1. What country do you live in.
    2. Is this girl living in your home?
    3. Why do the parents allow this relationship at all.
    4. Why, after all these years, do you suddenly 'click' with a girl, and consider her your daughter? What were the circumstances surrounding this.
    5. What does your wife think about this, and your son.
    6. You say in your question, "Help wanted for daughter", but she is not your daughter.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #4

    May 6, 2010, 03:18 PM

    Personally I'm surprised that the parents let her anywhere near you.

    She's not a child, she's an adult, a young adult, but adult nonetheless. You're a 42 year old man having a relationship with a 19 year old woman, and frankly, it's a bit strange that you feel this deeply for her to the point where you want to make decisions in her life.

    She has parents, she doesn't need another father.

    I'm not accusing you, but the passion with which you speak about her, and the fact that you barely even mention your wife and son, I'm getting the feeling that there's more going on here then a "father daughter relationship" or you wish there was.

    I'd also like the answers to the questions Jake asked.

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