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    Depressedbrxt's Avatar
    Depressedbrxt Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 10, 2016, 10:52 AM
    Please Answer my question ASAP!! Need Advice
    Okay so I'm almost 13, every since I was 5 years old I've cried myself to sleep almost every night. It all happened when I was born, I was born a day early since my father wouldn't be at my birth. Ever since I remember my (so like 5) my dad would have my older sister and stay outside for hours maybe all day just so my mom would have peace and quite.

    One day my mom finally stood up and got divorced. After my mother got divorced to him she started dating another guy (I was just going into grade) we had moved to another state. Her new boyfriend seemed nice but I was wrong. The month after my new baby brother (4th sibling) was born he found out that my mom started cheating on him. So one day I opened the door and he ran into my moms room and started beating on her and yelling at her. (My brother hasn't seen since and he's 5 now). After that my mom started dating another guy, they got married and had a child. I wouldn't say he ever made a dent in my life though.

    I'm just going into third grade now and my mom started dating a new guy, they were together for two years. He was always a weird guy, like he seemed mentally crazy. While we were living his house I would have to get my younger sister and brother up, we're all two years a part. My brother is pretty much mentally crazy, in the mornings sometimes I would have to fight for my life. My brother would always try to stab me with a knife (not a butter knife). Also while we were there he had three other children, one of his sons always hit me and bruised my every where, my mom wouldn't doing anything about it. Once we moved out I got better. But he still came over often, then they broke up. One night I was up to about 12 watching TV with my mom and she saw a light out side, so she went out there too see what was happening and before I knew it there were cops and yelling and my older sister was scared, she had been getting rapped for about three months by her ex boyfriend. (I'm about in 5th grade). There has been a lot more stories like this.

    Well now to my dad, when he got married to my step mom now, they would always bring me into their room and tell me mean stuff about my mom. Also once my step mom told me that my dad never cared about me until she came into his life, he was there didn't say anything, he didn't say it was a lie, so pretty much he can't loved for 11 years of my life, he has locked me and my two sibling in the garage before, for almost 5 hours without food just because someone had brought chocolate upstairs.

    About a year ago my uncle committed suicide the day before his grandson was born, my grandma died that year, and that's when I finally stopped being strong, and started self harming, I pretty much being eaten by my demons, I always tried to hold back the urges to cut but it didn't work. Finally I went on the Internet and made a friend who I now call him family and he's about 17 he's helped me through the pain. But I believe I need more help then talking with someone over the Internet every day. He's suppose to come see me soon, I can't wait.

    Moral of my story I've been through a lot in my life more then a normal child, and it's possible for me to be murdered before I'm twenty by my moms boyfriend, I've taken tests that say I have extreme depression, I've starved myself for days, self harmed, never had any friends and barely talked in elementary school, but I did find a friend who always brightens up my day. I've found some one to talk too about my feelings, but I'm scared for my future. What's going to happen to me? Please someone give advice. Also I've read a lot about foster care and how it can be horrible, but I don't know any other option.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,926, Reputation: 5430
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    #2

    Mar 10, 2016, 11:10 AM
    Your teachers haven't noticed that you cut and don't talk and are losing weight and are majorly depressed? Then it's time to talk to the school nurse or counselor or a teacher you like. Please keep us involved in your life and report back!
    Depressedbrxt's Avatar
    Depressedbrxt Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Mar 10, 2016, 11:21 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Your teachers haven't noticed that you cut and don't talk and are losing weight and are majorly depressed? Then it's time to talk to the school nurse or counselor or a teacher you like. Please keep us involved in your life and report back!
    They have realized that I've cut and depressed,move been sent to the school counselor, all they said was to get a professional therapists. Which I have and all of them send me back
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    Wondergirl Posts: 37,926, Reputation: 5430
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    #4

    Mar 10, 2016, 11:24 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Depressedbrxt View Post
    They have realized that I've cut and depressed,move been sent to the school counselor, all they said was to get a professional therapists. Which I have and all of them send me back
    They give up on you? Or do you quit therapy?
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    Depressedbrxt Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Mar 10, 2016, 11:36 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    They give up on you? Or do you quit therapy?
    Well I'm not exactly depressed durning the day, I always try to be funny and smiley during the day, I guess I was like that with my therapist, so they didn't find anything wrong, they pretty much just think I'm looking for attention but really I'm not
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    Wondergirl Posts: 37,926, Reputation: 5430
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    #6

    Mar 10, 2016, 11:58 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Depressedbrxt View Post
    Well I'm not exactly depressed durning the day, I always try to be funny and smiley during the day, I guess I was like that with my therapist, so they didn't find anything wrong, they pretty much just think I'm looking for attention but really I'm not
    So stomp your foot and tell the therapist what you've told us. And yeah, you ARE looking for attention in all sorts of negative ways. You want to be loved. You don't think anyone cares about you. You're crying out for help! You want the pain to go away. Can't they see that???
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    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #7

    Mar 10, 2016, 04:14 PM
    You need to tell your school therapist, and the therapist that you're seeing, what you told us. Tell them the entire story. CPS (Child protection services) need to get involved. If what you're saying is true, you should have been removed from this home the moment you were born.

    You don't deserve to be treated like this, but it's sadly up to you. If you don't tell people what's going on, they can't intervene and help you. They cannot remove you from this home and get you the help you need, unless you tell them what's going on, and keep telling them until something is done. They'll assess your living conditions, and you, and if what you say is real, and they find evidence of it, you'll be taken from your home and placed into foster care until you're 18.

    If you're not willing to do that, there's really nothing anyone else can do. We can talk to you, we can try to help, but the only real help you'll get relies on you telling on your mom and dad, and the other adults in your life, telling therapists what's going on, and getting the hell out of that house.

    If what you're saying is true, then you really need to get out. No, foster care isn't ideal, it's a crap system, but no more crappy than what you're dealing with now. You need help, and you need it now. So stop pretending to be happy and cheerful and tell the people that are in a position to help you, the truth.
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    #8

    Mar 10, 2016, 09:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Alty View Post
    You need to tell your school therapist, and the therapist that you're seeing, what you told us. Tell them the entire story. CPS (Child protection services) need to get involved. If what you're saying is true, you should have been removed from this home the moment you were born.

    You don't deserve to be treated like this, but it's sadly up to you. If you don't tell people what's going on, they can't intervene and help you. They cannot remove you from this home and get you the help you need, unless you tell them what's going on, and keep telling them until something is done. They'll assess your living conditions, and you, and if what you say is real, and they find evidence of it, you'll be taken from your home and placed into foster care until you're 18.

    If you're not willing to do that, there's really nothing anyone else can do. We can talk to you, we can try to help, but the only real help you'll get relies on you telling on your mom and dad, and the other adults in your life, telling therapists what's going on, and getting the hell out of that house.

    If what you're saying is true, then you really need to get out. No, foster care isn't ideal, it's a crap system, but no more crappy than what you're dealing with now. You need help, and you need it now. So stop pretending to be happy and cheerful and tell the people that are in a position to help you, the truth.
    Do you think my therapist actually can help me get to a foster home?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,305, Reputation: 7692
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    #9

    Mar 10, 2016, 10:35 PM
    Foster care is decided by Children and Family Services, who would do an investigation of your home and life. They would decide if you were , in their opinion, in real danger.

    They may (or may not) talk to your therapist. CPS real goal is keeping children in, or returning them to the home if at all possible.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,305, Reputation: 7692
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    #10

    Mar 10, 2016, 10:42 PM
    I guess while it is a bad over all life, I am not seeing the danger today

    Sister was being "date raped" by ex boyfriend (no real threat to her)
    Mothers ex boyfriend, abused her after finding out she was cheating. Still not threat to her.

    Uncle killed his self, no threat to her.

    Grandma died, not a threat

    Step mom talking , happens, not a physical threat.

    Internet friend, I see him as the biggest threat this girl has, a person who may be positioning themselves to control or abuse her

    I would like to hear about what is happening this last 12 months, not 10 years ago, not 5 years ago.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5645
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    #11

    Mar 10, 2016, 11:05 PM
    Are you currently being physically abused? Sexually molested? Not 5 years ago, now, this week? This month? If there is no verbal, physical, sexual abuse or neglect, you will not be removed from your home.

    Starving yourself and cutting will not get you removed since you are the one doing it to yourself. No one else is starving you, no one else is cutting you.

    You are playing a VERY DANGEROUS game with this so-called 17 year old. Have you ever heard of child molesters and predators? Well, that is exactly what he is. Do not meet him in person. Only sick 17 year old boys want anything to do with 13 year old girls and that is sex. Do not send him nude or half nude pictures of you. If he hasn't asked yet, he will.

    Now, you need to be honest with your therapist and tell him/her that you are self-harming. You need help, but foster care isn't the help you need.
    Depressedbrxt's Avatar
    Depressedbrxt Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Mar 11, 2016, 08:21 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    Are you currently being physically abused? Sexually molested? Not 5 years ago, now, this week? This month? If there is no verbal, physical, sexual abuse or neglect, you will not be removed from your home.

    Starving yourself and cutting will not get you removed since you are the one doing it to yourself. No one else is starving you, no one else is cutting you.

    You are playing a VERY DANGEROUS game with this so-called 17 year old. Have you ever heard of child molesters and predators? Well, that is exactly what he is. Do not meet him in person. Only sick 17 year old boys want anything to do with 13 year old girls and that is sex. Do not send him nude or half nude pictures of you. If he hasn't asked yet, he will.

    Now, you need to be honest with your therapist and tell him/her that you are self-harming. You need help, but foster care isn't the help you need.
    Thank you for answering and giving me advice, all that happened in this past month was my mother got engaged to a man that's about six years younger then her. I hate the idea of him being in my life because he his constantly hitting my siblings,everyday this happens. But I guess all he does to me is constantly getting me in trouble for everything I do. And I know what he is doing to me is not abusive in any way so they couldn't do anything about. This past year though I've been sent to mental hospital for all the cutting all over my body. I've been shut down to were I feel almost no emotion. But I've gotten better because of the 17 year old I've none him for a year now and he helped a lot. I believe he his not doing me harm or never will. He not that kind of guy. So to sum it up it's gotten some what better.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    I guess while it is a bad over all life, I am not seeing the danger today

    Sister was being "date raped" by ex boyfriend (no real threat to her)
    Mothers ex boyfriend, abused her after finding out she was cheating. Still not threat to her.

    Uncle killed his self, no threat to her.

    Grandma died, not a threat

    Step mom talking , happens, not a physical threat.

    Internet friend, I see him as the biggest threat this girl has, a person who may be positioning themselves to control or abuse her

    I would like to hear about what is happening this last 12 months, not 10 years ago, not 5 years ago.
    could you read my post above please and thank you for answering my question and giving me advice and actually all of that affects me
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,281, Reputation: 10853
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    #13

    Mar 11, 2016, 08:50 AM
    I think your whole family could use some help personally, but you are the only one that can help yourself, so some real honesty with your counselors, and therapist is what's crucial here, but the real danger I see is you latching on to this stranger over the internet that you have become dependent on as a feel good friend. You make sure your therapists are aware of that IMPORTANT fact.

    I am surprised that there is no family counselling, or an investigation already into your home environment. I suspect there will be soon but for now you focus on being HONEST with the professionals you are involved with.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5645
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    #14

    Mar 11, 2016, 09:01 AM
    Honey, I have a 14 year old. He's my 4th child. I know how your brain is wired.

    It doesn't matter how old your mother's boyfriend is, they are adults. If he is phisically abusing your siblings, it is your responsibility to report it.

    You were hospitalized for a good reason. You were committing self harm.

    Now, back to that 17 year old... He is grooming you. He is telling you what you want to hear because he knows it will make you feel good and you will trust him. He probably wants to meet you, pick you up from school, meet you at the mall, or come to your house when your mother is not there. Most likely he is not 17. Most likely he is 30 or 40 and pretending to be 17 so you will not get grossed out.

    He wants you to trust him so that he can take advantage of you. He wants to have sex with you whether Or not you want to. He is a pervert.

    I have raised 4 children, 3 of them boys, and not ONE of them was interested in a 13 year old when they were 17. There is something mentally wrong with a 17 year old that is interested in a 13 year old. This sicko is taking advantage of your depression. He isn't interested in your mind or your feelings. He is interested in what's between your legs!
    Depressedbrxt's Avatar
    Depressedbrxt Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Mar 11, 2016, 10:15 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    Honey, I have a 14 year old. He's my 4th child. I know how your brain is wired.

    It doesn't matter how old your mother's boyfriend is, they are adults. If he is phisically abusing your siblings, it is your responsibility to report it.

    You were hospitalized for a good reason. You were committing self harm.

    Now, back to that 17 year old... He is grooming you. He is telling you what you want to hear because he knows it will make you feel good and you will trust him. He probably wants to meet you, pick you up from school, meet you at the mall, or come to your house when your mother is not there. Most likely he is not 17. Most likely he is 30 or 40 and pretending to be 17 so you will not get grossed out.

    He wants you to trust him so that he can take advantage of you. He wants to have sex with you whether Or not you want to. He is a pervert.

    I have raised 4 children, 3 of them boys, and not ONE of them was interested in a 13 year old when they were 17. There is something mentally wrong with a 17 year old that is interested in a 13 year old. This sicko is taking advantage of your depression. He isn't interested in your mind or your feelings. He is interested in what's between your legs!
    I just want to say I know he's not 30-40 years old because I know his friends and family members, I've seen videos of him on the bus to school and I know they aren't anyone else's videos because you can't upload videos onto snapchat. Also he's not a pervert or he would have already asked for photos since it has been over a year and I believe if he wasn't in my life in someway I would have been dead long ago
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    Wondergirl Posts: 37,926, Reputation: 5430
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    #16

    Mar 11, 2016, 10:41 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Depressedbrxt View Post
    I just want to say I know he's not 30-40 years old because I know his friends and family members, I've seen videos of him on the bus to school and I know they aren't anyone else's videos because you can't upload videos onto snapchat. Also he's not a pervert or he would have already asked for photos since it has been over a year and I believe if he wasn't in my life in someway I would have been dead long ago
    If you found him on the Internet (you said, "I made a friend on the Internet"), how do you know his friends and family? And you're 12, not yet 13. As J_9 said, 17 y/o guys don't hang out with 12 y/o girls unless they have "something" in mind.
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    #17

    Mar 11, 2016, 12:00 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    If you found him on the Internet (you said, "I made a friend on the Internet"), how do you know his friends and family? And you're 12, not yet 13. As J_9 said, 17 y/o guys don't hang out with 12 y/o girls unless they have "something" in mind.
    I know his friends and family from his Instagram, I've actually talk to his friends and his grandma and I've talked to his older and younger brother. His mother and father know about me. He has sent videos of his mother and him to me so I know he isn't fake.

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