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    candyursa123's Avatar
    candyursa123 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 24, 2013, 03:58 PM
    I want Birkenstocks, but one of my parents won't let me ?
    How do I convince her to let me buy them? My dad agrees with it and is totally fine, but for my mom, she doesn't want me spending 80-90$ on a piece of 'wood' I'm going to pay for the shoes with my own money and she still doesn't allow it. Im a 12 year old respectful , kind, and quiet girl. I don't know why my mom isn't letting me buy the shoes, I mean I'm paying with my own money... I already feel like if I ask her for it, Im hurting her feelings or something. All I want is a pair of Kairo Birkenstocks for the season. Im also going to a 5 day trip with my school in cabins and stuff. So how do I convince her to let me buy them? Im trying to be as nice and respectful as I am.
    Please do not leave any mean , rude , or disturbing comments down below, if you guys can suggest anything please help me out , Thanks!
    -Jennifer
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #2

    May 24, 2013, 04:03 PM
    I search for shoes (and clothes) on eBay. Even though I am retired and even have a small inheritance, I just don't like to spend more than about $25 for shoes.
    Keep in mind that you are still growing, and what will you do with expensive shoes next year? (I sell on eBay too, so if they don't fit me, I sell them.)
    You say you have your own money, but who pays your internet bill? Phone? Food? House? Your parents spend thousands on you each year, and you won't realize it until you are a starving 20 something. That's the extent of my old lady
    Lecture!

    I just looked on eBay... only a few under $80, so maybe that idea is out.

    Here's what I would do: Have a yard sale. Get the whole family involved. Ask mom if you can sell $40 worth of your own stuff, will she go along with your purchase. And if they don't fit next summer, you can have another sale.

    PS: I don't think Birkenstocks are good for hiking? You need a good sneaker type shoes around your ankles. I have a thick ankle from a sprain hiking 50 years ago.
    candyursa123's Avatar
    candyursa123 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    May 24, 2013, 04:06 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    I search for shoes (and clothes) on ebay. Even though I am retired and even have a small inheritance, I just don't like to spend more than about $25 for shoes.
    Keep in mind that you are still growing, and what will you do with expensive shoes next year? (I sell on ebay too, so if they don't fit me, I sell them.)
    You say you have your own money, but who pays your internet bill? Phone? Food? House? Your parents spend thousands on you each year, and you won't realize it til you are a starving 20 something. That's the extent of my old lady lecture!
    Well thank you, but my question is, how do I convince her to let me buy them?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #4

    May 24, 2013, 04:12 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by candyursa123 View Post
    Well thank you, but my question is, how do i convince her to let me buy them?
    I was adding to my reply while you were typing, I think.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #5

    May 24, 2013, 04:17 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by candyursa123 View Post
    Well thank you, but my question is, how do i convince her to let me buy them?
    I don't think you can.

    I'm looking at this from the point of view of a mom. You're 12, that means that these $90 shoes won't fit you next year. It's a waste of money. Your mom is probably like me, she had to wear hand me downs, she had to work very hard for her money and never had $90 to spend on a pair of shoes. If she did, she realized that $90 could buy more than just one pair of shoes, and she spent her money wisely.

    Then again, my mom was like you. My mom always believed in getting the best you can afford. In fact, when I was 18 we went shopping and she talked me into buying a silk blouse. I paid for it with money I had earned babysitting and working. The blouse was $80. I bought it because I did like it, and my mom was so excited about it. I wore that blouse 3 times, I was too afraid to wear it because of how much it cost, I was afraid it would get ruined. Spending that much on a blouse literally made me ill, because I knew how hard I had worked to make that money, and I could have bought many shirts and pants, and even shoes, with that money, instead I got one blouse. Still makes me sick to this day.

    How did you earn the money? Did you work for it, or did your parents simply give it to you for doing nothing? If you worked for it, I would make the argument that you earned the money, you saved the money, and you should be able to spend it the way you want to spend it. I'd also say that even though your mom likely has her reasons, valid reasons, for saying no, there are some lessons one has to learn by oneself.

    In the end, if mom says no, it's no. She's your mom, what she says goes.

    Good luck.
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    candyursa123 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    May 24, 2013, 04:19 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Alty View Post
    I don't think you can.

    I'm looking at this from the point of view of a mom. You're 12, that means that these $90 shoes won't fit you next year. It's a waste of money. Your mom is probably like me, she had to wear hand me downs, she had to work very hard for her money and never had $90 to spend on a pair of shoes. If she did, she realized that $90 could buy more than just one pair of shoes, and she spent her money wisely.

    Then again, my mom was like you. My mom always believed in getting the best you can afford. In fact, when I was 18 we went shopping and she talked me into buying a silk blouse. I paid for it with money I had earned babysitting and working. The blouse was $80. I bought it because I did like it, and my mom was so excited about it. I wore that blouse 3 times, I was too afraid to wear it because of how much it cost, I was afraid it would get ruined. Spending that much on a blouse literally made me ill, because I knew how hard I had worked to make that money, and I could have bought many shirts and pants, and even shoes, with that money, instead I got one blouse. Still makes me sick to this day.

    How did you earn the money? Did you work for it, or did your parents simply give it to you for doing nothing? If you worked for it, I would make the argument that you earned the money, you saved the money, and you should be able to spend it the way you want to spend it. I'd also say that even though your mom likely has her reasons, valid reasons, for saying no, there are some lessons one has to learn by oneself.

    In the end, if mom says no, it's no. She's your mom, what she says goes.

    Good luck.
    Yeah, I earned the money by washing dishes for her, thanks anyway
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #7

    May 24, 2013, 04:27 PM
    WASHING DISHES - FOR YOUR MOTHER?

    Uh-oh. I have to go, but I think you are in for a lot of flack. (Did you see my yard sale suggestion?)
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #8

    May 24, 2013, 04:32 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by candyursa123 View Post
    Yeah, I earned the money by washing dishes for her, thanks anyway
    Your mother pays you to wash the dishes you use? Does she also pay you to clean the room you messed up? Does she pay you to put away the groceries you eat? Wow!

    I have kids, a 10 year old and a 14 year old. My 14 year old is paid to pick up the dog crap in the back yard. He doesn't get paid enough to buy $90 shoes. I pay him because he didn't choose to have the dogs, I did, and picking up the poop is not a fun job. The dishes, and everything else in the house, he doesn't get paid for, nor does my 10 year old. She gets paid to pull weeds, and help mow the lawn. The rest, well, they eat off the dishes, they eat the food I buy, they make messes. Cleaning things in the house, that's not something I pay for. Why would I, I do most of it and I don't get paid to do it!

    Just wow! Spoiled kids, it makes me sick.
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    candyursa123 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    May 24, 2013, 04:36 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Alty View Post
    Your mother pays you to wash the dishes you use? Does she also pay you to clean the room you messed up? Does she pay you to put away the groceries you eat? Wow!

    I have kids, a 10 year old and a 14 year old. My 14 year old is paid to pick up the dog crap in the back yard. He doesn't get paid enough to buy $90 shoes. I pay him because he didn't choose to have the dogs, I did, and picking up the poop is not a fun job. The dishes, and everything else in the house, he doesn't get paid for, nor does my 10 year old. She gets paid to pull weeds, and help mow the lawn. The rest, well, they eat off the dishes, they eat the food I buy, they make messes. Cleaning things in the house, that's not something I pay for. Why would I, I do most of it and I don't get paid to do it!

    Just wow! Spoiled kids, it makes me sick.
    Well, just in fact, I don't care if your 10 YEAR OLD does THIS and THAT. Each family has its own rules, by the way were you stupid enough to buy the blouse? My mo gives me money because she MIGHT think I NEED it for something, maybe your family rules are different than mines, of course it is, don't go around saying she's spoiled etc.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,799, Reputation: 5431
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    #10

    May 24, 2013, 04:40 PM
    I'm still stuck on the "need" for Birkenstocks for a class trip to cabins (in the woods?). My sons were always given a list of clothes and supplies to bring with. That meant sturdy shoes and hiking boots and rain boots and heavy socks, with no sandals allowed.
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    candyursa123 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    May 24, 2013, 04:41 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    I'm still stuck on the "need" for Birkenstocks for a class trip to cabins (in the woods?). My sons were always given a list of clothes and supplies to bring with. That meant sturdy shoes and hiking boots and rain boots and heavy socks, with no sandals allowed.
    Im using the Birkenstocks because I want to, got to a problem?
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    Wondergirl Posts: 38,799, Reputation: 5431
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    #12

    May 24, 2013, 04:42 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by candyursa123 View Post
    Im using the Birkenstocks because I want to, gotta a problem?
    So no snakes or spiders or biting insects will be hanging about? You want the Birkenstocks to be able to show off, right?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #13

    May 24, 2013, 04:52 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by candyursa123 View Post
    Well, just in fact, I dont care if your 10 YEAR OLD does THIS and THAT. each family has its own rules, by the way were you stupid enough to buy the blouse? My mo gives me money because she MIGHT think I NEED it for something, maybe your family rules are different than mines, of course it is, dont go around saying shes spoiled etc.
    You just said I was stupid for buying the blouse? What does that make you for buying a pair of shoes that are even more expensive than the blouse I bought (which I still have by the way, and it still fits), that won't even fit you next year?

    Stupid is as stupid does little girl.

    You are spoiled. I call them like I see them.
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    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #14

    May 24, 2013, 04:54 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    So no snakes or spiders or biting insects will be hanging about? You want the Birkenstocks to be able to show off, right?
    Bingo! Have to spread the love, but I totally agree. Spoiled child, privileged child that gets paid to do something she should be doing for free, wants what she wants, and that's it.

    I wonder why mom waited so long to say no? Mom should have said no 12 years ago, then princess would have learned some values.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #15

    May 24, 2013, 06:38 PM
    I'm the only one who gave you a suggestion - twice.
    You'd rather get your panties in a wad.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #16

    May 24, 2013, 06:42 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    I'm the only one who gave you a suggestion - twice.
    You'd rather get your panties in a wad.
    Actually, I gave her a suggestion as well.

    She rather be a snot nosed brat though. She never wanted advice, she just wants her $90 shoes, and she's ticked because her mother finally grew a spine and said no to her little privileged princess.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #17

    May 25, 2013, 02:03 AM
    You asked for advice about how to convince your mother, but you seem to be totally blind to the fact that convincing anyone about anything means discussing the logic of what it is you want.
    I guess that is age 12 mentality. I like to think I was more rational at your age, but I don't know. I had no money at 12; no allowance (my mother was constantly punishing me by taking it away months in advance - I never saw a dime). I was a good kid and an excellent student but my mother was always angry at all of us.
    Later I babysat and spent that however I wanted. Even my irrational mother knew she couldn't prevent that. And I spent it on books. No one can disapprove of that.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,799, Reputation: 5431
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    #18

    May 25, 2013, 07:33 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    You asked for advice about how to convince your mother, but you seem to be totally blind to the fact that convincing anyone about anything means discussing the logic of what it is you want.
    And a five-day outing in cabins suggests to me woods and hikes and dirt paths and bugs and spiders and mosquitoes and snakes and weeds and underbrush and long pants and heavy socks and hiking boots. Birkenstocks, not so much, especially not $90 ones.

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