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    franksandbeans's Avatar
    franksandbeans Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 31, 2007, 10:59 AM
    Wife left, took kids while I was at work
    Ill try to keep this a short as possible.

    7 months ago I came home from work to a note from my wife. Her dad and her had concocted a plan for him to drive here and take her and our kids to their house out of state.

    I called the police, nothing they could do. I called family services and was told "a custodial parent has the right to take the kids wherever. Get a lawyer"

    The kids are finishing up school next week and I want to bring them back here, but Im getting a lot of backlash from her. Stuff like "well Ill have to check their schedules" (shedules for kids under 8? ) and "I dont know about that, we'll see."

    Our basic marital problem is where we live. She hates it here and wants to live close to her parents (what a fantastic reason to break up a marriage :rolleyes: )

    Anyway, what rights do I have to go get my kids? She doesn't even work from crying out loud. I send her money for stuff she needs. Yet she wants to tell me where we should live, but that's a completely different story.

    Neither of us has been to a lawyer as I assumed eventually things would be resolved.
    pluckyflamingo's Avatar
    pluckyflamingo Posts: 220, Reputation: 17
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    #2

    May 31, 2007, 11:33 AM
    Well apparently there aren't fixing themselves. If you cared enough about your kids it shouldn't take you this long to fight for them. My parents went through the same thing and my father sounded exactly like you. If you love them at all you would get a lawyer and quit being such a wimp before you lose more valuable time with your chilren.
    franksandbeans's Avatar
    franksandbeans Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    May 31, 2007, 11:35 AM
    Nice answer a-hole. Are you my wife?

    Next please.
    Tuscany's Avatar
    Tuscany Posts: 1,049, Reputation: 229
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    #4

    May 31, 2007, 11:37 AM
    Get a Lawyer and find out what your rights are.
    As father of those children you still have rights.
    pluckyflamingo's Avatar
    pluckyflamingo Posts: 220, Reputation: 17
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    #5

    May 31, 2007, 11:41 AM
    I can see why she left you with that attitude, I was just giving advice because I have been there you jerk. Grow up!
    franksandbeans's Avatar
    franksandbeans Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    May 31, 2007, 11:43 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by pluckyflamingo
    I can see why she left you with that attitude, I was just giving advice because I have been there you jerk. Grow up!
    My only attitude is towards you and your "if you cared for you kids" comment jerk.

    Of course I care for them. It's a complicated situation and your "quite being a wimp" answer is no solution.
    pluckyflamingo's Avatar
    pluckyflamingo Posts: 220, Reputation: 17
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    #7

    May 31, 2007, 11:44 AM
    Well if someone told you to get a lawyer right off the bat get a lawyer. It is as simple as that
    jstrike's Avatar
    jstrike Posts: 418, Reputation: 44
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    #8

    May 31, 2007, 11:45 AM
    I'm not a lawyer so this is just my advice and thoughts... take it for what it's worth.

    I've was very close to a divorce several years ago... fortunately we got some counseling, worked through our problems and are now both happier than ever. Counseling should be something to consider for both of you as well if you want to restore your marriage.

    She has the right to take the kids anywhere as long as she is taking care of them. If you want to see your kids then drive out to see them. You might want to do this during the week while they are still in school so you know they'll be home. She cannot keep you from seeing your children no matter where she is. She can refuse to bring them to you but she can't refuse you access to them. If they are home and she refuses to let you see them don't argue/fight with her, just call the local police right there... This is NOT the best thing for the kids but it will tell her that you mean business about seeing your kids. The last thing you need in a situation like this is to get arrested for domestic violence... especially in another state.

    If you don't want a divorce then it sounds like your way out of this may be to move closer to her parents. (Assuming you can find work there) My wife is very close to her mother and distance can be rough even though we only live an hour away from her.

    If you want to get a divorce then hire an attorney and freeze your assets. Do not give her any money without getting a signed receipt from her. (My boss learned this one the hard way) You're kids are the most importing thing and you still need to take care of them. A signed receipt for anything that you give her will show that they are receiving money. I may be wrong (again, I'm not a lawyer) but I don't think you're under any financial obligation to her... just your kids. You have adequate food/clothing and shelter for her and your children where you are living... she's just choosing not to accept it.

    I firmly believe that marriages should last a lifetime... sadly many don't. I sincerely hope that you two can work through your problems and fix whatever is wrong in your relationship. For the sake of both you and your children.

    If I'm wrong about something I've said here someone please let me know.

    Good Luck.
    franksandbeans's Avatar
    franksandbeans Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    May 31, 2007, 11:45 AM
    Since you start uber-important topic like "potty training a ferrett" and "korn cds" and "comedy movies" Id rather take advice from someone else.
    pluckyflamingo's Avatar
    pluckyflamingo Posts: 220, Reputation: 17
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    #10

    May 31, 2007, 11:48 AM
    Yeah franksandbeans I am 20 years old so what I was giving you advice not from a parents point of view I was giving it from the kids point of view.
    franksandbeans's Avatar
    franksandbeans Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    May 31, 2007, 11:50 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by jstrike
    I'm not a lawyer so this is just my advice and thoughts....take it for what it's worth.

    I've was very close to a divorce several years ago...fortunately we got some counseling, worked through our problems and are now both happier than ever. Counseling should be something to consider for both of you as well if you want to restore your marriage.

    She has the right to take the kids anywhere as long as she is taking care of them. If you want to see your kids then drive out to see them. You might want to do this during the week while they are still in school so you know they'll be home. She cannot keep you from seeing your children no matter where she is. She can refuse to bring them to you but she can't refuse you access to them. If they are home and she refuses to let you see them don't argue/fight with her, just call the local police right there....This is NOT the best thing for the kids but it will tell her that you mean business about seeing your kids. The last thing you need in a situation like this is to get arrested for domestic violence....especially in another state.

    If you don't want a divorce then it sounds like your way out of this may be to move closer to her parents. (Assuming you can find work there) My wife is very close to her mother and distance can be rough even though we only live an hour away from her.

    If you want to get a divorce then hire an attorney and freeze your assets. Do not give her any money without getting a signed receipt from her. (My boss learned this one the hard way) You're kids are the most importing thing and you still need to take care of them. A signed receipt for anything that you give her will show that they are receiving money. I may be wrong (again, I'm not a lawyer) but I don't think you're under any financial obligation to her....just your kids. You have adequate food/clothing and shelter for her and your children where you are living....she's just choosing not to accept it.

    I firmly believe that marriages should last a lifetime...sadly many don't. I sincerely hope that you two can work through your problems and fix whatever is wrong in your relationship. For the sake of both you and your children.

    If I'm wrong about something I've said here someone please let me know.

    Good Luck.
    Thanks for the advice, I do appreciate it.

    Thing is I Don't want to get divorced, and if I run to an attorney right off the bat like others suggest (not talking about you), what does that look like to her? That's what some people can't seem to understand.

    We've been through some rough spots before, and as I said they resolved themselves because she still claims she loves me. But this time, I just don't know.
    franksandbeans's Avatar
    franksandbeans Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    May 31, 2007, 11:52 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by pluckyflamingo
    Yeah franksandbeans I am 20 years old so what I was giving you advice not from a parents point of view I was giving it from the kids point of view.
    Look, I wasn't trying to jump down your throat. Its just complicated situation and its not as easy as "do this and its fixed" you know?
    pluckyflamingo's Avatar
    pluckyflamingo Posts: 220, Reputation: 17
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    #13

    May 31, 2007, 11:53 AM
    Okay I am not trying to be mean here but in one of your comments you said she wanted to be closer to her family. Now I do not know what position financially/career options. But what is keeping you from moving to where she is?
    franksandbeans's Avatar
    franksandbeans Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    May 31, 2007, 12:01 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by pluckyflamingo
    Okay I am not trying to be mean here but in one of your comments you said she wanted to be closer to her family. Now I do not know what position financially/career options. But what is keeping you from moving to where she is?
    Well that's where it gets complicated. I have NO problem moving somewhere, anywhere else.
    However, I don't have a college degree, I have virtually no marketable skill set. I worked at an autoparts manufacturing plant that recently closed. I made good money there but cannot make even half that anywhere else. Also, we HAVE to have very good benefits. We have 2 kids with health issues so taking some lamer job isn't going to cut it.

    Im still essentially drawing a paycheck from my old job, and will for 2yrs, with benefits. In that time I have to go back to school and get a degree of some kind. The benefits from my old job will pay for schooling too, but I can't just move away and say "i want to go to this school" in a different state.

    However, my wife thinks since Im not working anymore its just as easy as picking up and moving wherever. Like I said, she doesn't work, hasn't worked in 10+yrs. I realize a stay-at-home mom is important, but I do not feel in her position, not contributing financially, she really has any right to say where we live.

    She even uses the excuse "why are you are so worried about getting a good paying job?" Hello? We have 4 kids, making minimum wage isn't going to cut it.

    Anyway, like it said, things are very complicated.

    Edit - just want to follow up on this sentence: "I realize a stay-at-home mom is important, but I do not feel in her position, not contributing financially, she really has any right to say where we live"

    She obviously should have a right to opinion on where we live. BUT, I don't feel she has any right to tell me "move here and get a job to support us." She has made no effort herself to work, and quite frankly I doubt she will until our younger kids are in school.
    pluckyflamingo's Avatar
    pluckyflamingo Posts: 220, Reputation: 17
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    #15

    May 31, 2007, 12:09 PM
    Okay I understand the school issue, but have you at least asked the people who control your benefits if they would still pay for you in another state. And since you are in another state have you asked your wife or her family to maybe help relocate you. It is kind of hard for you to do it all by yourself but if you have people in the other state that can help you find a non minimum wage job. Plus if the kids are in school have you mentioned to her a part time job? I don't know the rules in many states but you can be a substitute teacher at the school your kids go to if she wants to be close. But there are sooo many different jobs that would hire part time. Now what do her parents think of all this?
    franksandbeans's Avatar
    franksandbeans Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    May 31, 2007, 12:14 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by pluckyflamingo
    Now what do her parents think of all this?
    Her parents hate my guts and wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire.

    As far as the paid schooling goes, Im not 100% sure. I don't think I can just go anywhere I want to. They have programs set up with in-state schools, but as far as paying for something out of state, I don't think so but I can't say for 100% fact.

    However, where she currently is now, she claims she doesn't want to live there! And there are no colleges within reasonable distance anyway.

    So where does she want to live? Your guess is as good as mine. Ive asked and the answer is "I dont know, anywhere." See, she doesn't look to the future AT ALL, its all about the here and right now. I guess at least Im trying to be responsible. :rolleyes:
    jstrike's Avatar
    jstrike Posts: 418, Reputation: 44
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    #17

    May 31, 2007, 12:27 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by franksandbeans
    As far as the paid schooling goes, Im not 100% sure. I dont think I can just go anywhere I want to. They have programs set up with in-state schools, but as far as paying for something out of state, I dont think so but I can't say for 100% fact.
    Several years ago Chrysler closed a plant near where I live and they did the same thing for all their workers. Most of it was with tech schools in the area. However there are always student loans, grants, etc... if you want to go somewhere else. You are investing in not only your future but your kids as well. Cheesy as it sounds, it's true.
    franksandbeans's Avatar
    franksandbeans Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    May 31, 2007, 12:37 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by jstrike
    Several years ago Chrysler closed a plant near where I live and they did the same thing for all their workers. Most of it was with tech schools in the area. However there are always student loans, grants, etc... if you want to go somewhere else. You are investing in not only your future but your kids as well. Cheesy as it sounds, it's true.
    That's basically the exact situation Im in. It was a GM parts supplier. They pulled all the work, sent it elsewhere, and closed us down.

    I realize people lose their jobs all the time. Im not the first and won't be the last to find myself in this kind of situation. But when you are in it, it definitely is hard to just pick up and go somewhere with no degree, essentially no skill or any kind, and HOPE you can get a semi-decent job.

    And the position my wife puts me in makes it even harder if you ask me. Ive been the sole provider for our family for 10+ years. But she wants me to just pack up and go with absolutely no plan at all.
    jstrike's Avatar
    jstrike Posts: 418, Reputation: 44
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    #19

    May 31, 2007, 12:43 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by franksandbeans
    Thats basically the exact situation Im in. It was a GM parts supplier. They pulled all the work, sent it elsewhere, and closed us down.
    Delphi?

    Not trying to pry... I live near the Oak Creek plant that was shut down.
    franksandbeans's Avatar
    franksandbeans Posts: 22, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    May 31, 2007, 12:52 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by jstrike
    Delphi?

    Not trying to pry...I live near the Oak Creek plant that was shut down.
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