We live in tn and my husband wants to adopt my little girl, mind you her real father has never been there and never wanted to meet her. He said he'd sign his rights over but then next time I called he's nowhere to be found. So now I don't know how to go about getting destiny's last name changed so she can carry my husbands last name(I also have 2 sons w/ my husband)i don't want her to feel different. Also on average how much does it cost to have done??

By the way she was born in tx, we moved to fl( which is where she was concived)and now have settled in tn. My husband is the only father she knows.

You try to find the bio dad and you hire a lawyer and take it through the courts. If he can not be found then there may be other ways. Like notification through publication. But that's what your going to need to do. Also you can ask about changing the sir name at the time of the adoption.

You will need an attorney to prepare the paper work. The attorney will advise you how to attempt to contact the bio father to get his agreement. If you follow his advice and can't find the father, you should get the adoption anyway.

If you can find him and he will sign his rights over, you should be able to find an attorney in the 3000 or so, ( and up)
If you can't find him and have to try service though publication, you are looking most likely at several thousand more

Why is it that when u have a good man willing to take care of another mans kid. Why is it the sperm donor has a say? Or y is it that we have to pay so much? Don't they understand average joe's like us have bills to meet? I'm not asking for states $ or his $ so y do we have to fork out an arm and leg to make our lives easier while her sperm donors kicking it in paridise somewhere? Is there a cheaper way?

He's not a sperm donor - as was said very recently he's a man you had sex with. You had his child. Now you don't like him any more.

Sperm donors are handed a jar and a magazine and pointed toward the bathroom.

Of you want to discuss the situation this is a good question for a discussion board.

If you want the legal answer you already got it. You need an Attorney to prepare the paperwork and find the father.

First, as Judy said he was not a "sperm donor". YOU decided to have sex with him so now you live with the consequences.

Second, this site does NOT allow chat speak. I have to wonder at someone old enough to have a child continuing to use chat speak when unnecessary.

Well your right I did lay down and have sex w/ him. And I am taking care of my responsibilities. He's the one that's not. So there for he is a sprem donor. We got pregnant and he peeled plain and simple. Don't sound much different then a donation to me... thanks for your helps and your smart mouth coment. I didn't know is was against the law to voice my opinion...

This is a legal board for legal advice, and it is specific, if he was a sperm donor then the law is different, if he was a lover, a boyfriend he was someone you choose to perhaps have a child with and it was a choice you made.

The father of the child has rights, if he wishes to give up those rights to allow another man to take over those rights and obligations, then he can.

And you also made a choice to cheat your child out of the child's right to support from the bio father, and that is your right to do that.

And of course if the father was paying support you may have the money to pay an attorney.

It costs a lot since this is a very serious legal issue and it has to be done very specificly. It has to be done with attorneys and can get costly if the bio father does not wish to sign over rights.

It's not against the law to voice your opinion. It should be against the law to be stupid and hostile.

If you disagree with the advice you have been given go to the Court Clerk, get a set of adoption papers, fill them out the way you think the system works, file them and see what happens.

Then come back and let us know.

No I'm just trying to understand why we have to pay so much. Listen when I was pregnant he dropped me off at my sisters house and left me. Told me he didn't want me or the kid... so your saying its my fault and I have to pay for it. Don't u think I suffer enough knowing that he's her father and he don't want her and has moved so I can't find him for her. Really what am I to do. I'm not rich... and its not fair that my little girl is going to feel different then us. I just think that as a parent who is doing all I can to make ends meet and want my little girl to legelly be adopted by my husband we should have to find a man that was never there. Remember he's never even seen her!! Sorry if I come off angry, its that I don't understand. Sorry to be such a bother guess I had to let it out some how. Once again sorry

So... why haven't you gone after him for support, if you can't afford anything?

The problem here is this: The law has to be FAIR. For every guy that just skips out in this world, there's another couple where the MOTHER is the one hiding the kid from him, and not letting him try to be a father.

So the law looks at it as this: You BOTH have rights to the child, and if one of you wants the other to relinquish those rights, you have to PAY for that--and that includes contacting the other parent, court costs, legal costs, whatever.

Yes, it seems unfair to YOU---but think of the guy out there that WANTS to be a daddy to his child and the mother keeps moving and hiding because she doesn't like HIM, because he wouldn't marry her when she got pregnant, or because he asked if it was his, or whatever. How can the law be fair if it doesn't look at ALL possibilities?

It may not be the way you want it--but it's there because it's fair.

As far as the sperm donor thing--please remember that you are being OFFENSIVE with that term for someone you slept with. I don't raise my child--I placed her for adoption--so, since I "ran out", does that make me an "egg donor" for not "stepping up"?

Look--you might not like the system the way it currently is, but you have to step through the hoops to attempt this--and that includes paying for things. If you can't afford it, then talk to a lawyer about going after child support.

Look on the bright side! 40 years ago, you would have HAD to place your child for adoption (and not an open adoption, either) or MARRY the jerk that left you. At least you get to raise your child.

Whether I think he should be punished, whether I think you have or haven't suffered enough, whether he dropped you off when you were "prego" or not doesn't matter.

What matters is what the Law says and that's what I gave you.

I'm sorry this has happened to you; I'm sorry you had sex with a loser; I'm sorry the loser fathered your child; I'm sorry the father never saw her.

Again - no matter how sorry I am it doesn't change the Law.

Synnen answered your question, but what it boiled down to is IT IS THE LAW!

I told you that chat speak is not allowed here. If you can't type in complete words and sentences your posts will be removed.