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    So0icy's Avatar
    So0icy Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 18, 2008, 06:49 PM
    Un-married stay-at-home infant dad fighting for custody
    Ok so this is what's going on. My daughter's mother and I have been happily together for 4 years. We started as high school sweethearts. When she became pregnant, she moved from her parents mobile home, into my parents apartment with me. My daughter's mother, gave birth to my daughter at age 18, I was 20. The baby came home from the hospital to live with ,my parents, my daughter's mother, and me. About 2 months after my daughter's birth, her mother began a full time career. She was young, smart, and, motivated. She is also pursuing further education. I, not intrested in career or further education, began to raise our infant daughter daily from 8 Am to about 7Pm. I would change, bathe, feed, and care for her. When the infant's mother would return from work, she would often take my daughter to see her maternal grandmother and maternal stepgrandfather, or so she said. As I later found out, she was quite often dropping the baby off with them and going out, until midnite or later. We continued like this, until my daughter was about 4 months. I was watching my daughter as usual, when me and her mother had a small argument. My daughters mother, then took off to work with my child and never returned. I later found out, and have proof, was that she left me for another man that was living with her parents. She brought over my child once about 2 days after taking off with her, so I could be with my child while her mother worked. While my daughter's mother was at work, I confronted her about this "man" and asked if that was why she was leaving me and taking my child. She responded with the police, and her peeved off family at my door demanding the child. I refused, and the next day she filed for an emergency relief. She claimed that I constantly abuse drugs and have an anger problem. Needless to say she was denied. Later on that same day, my father was outside with my child in his arms. My child's mother and maternal grandmother, knocked him on the ground, and began attempting to rip my daughter from his arms. My father let go to aviod serious injury to the child. I filed for a protective order against domestic abuse for my daughter, against her mother, and my father filed assault charges against the child's mother and maternal grandmother. My child's mother has now, filed for full custody and is asking me for child support and suppervised visitation, even though I was taking care of our daughter and completely dependent on my daughters mother for finanical support. I can provide my daughter with a smoke-free, drug-free, abuse-free home. I am member of an american indian tribe and have a $50,000 + trust fund for when I'm 21. This Indian tribe could also provide my daughter with, $8,000 - $10,000 per capita check a year for life, and free schooling through her life. I have several missdemenor convictions, caused by a troubled time in my early adult life. I have now and have been, since my daughters first cry, dedicated my life to my child. My child's mother, on the other hand has been arrested for drugs with my daughter in the same car. She is now in a drug diversion program, which will sted the drug charge after completion. My child's mother also has a very big, and close family, determined to threaten me, scare me, and lie about me, anything to receive full custody. The child's maternal family has a history of alcohol, drug, sex abuse. My questions are: What is my next step, how can I protect myself from false accusations ,how can I increase my chance of a continued and meaningful relationship with my infant daughter, and what is the best way to go about ensuring my daughter will have the best life possible.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #2

    Apr 18, 2008, 07:00 PM
    You need to go to family court and file for custody. Tell them everything and be willing to cooperate like random drug tests or whatever it takes. Tell them everything you can think of. Tell them that you can provide the time and attention your daughter needs, whereas the mom works and doesn't have as much time and has had drug issues. Hopefully at the very least you would get is joint custody with divided visitation.
    Izannah's Avatar
    Izannah Posts: 125, Reputation: 18
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    #3

    Apr 18, 2008, 07:58 PM
    Actually, since you are Native American, your best bet is to go through your tribe. Is the mother also Native American? ICWA (Indian Child Welfare Act) makes it possible for your tribe to basically override the US courts/laws and literally take over the case. I take it from your posting that you are registered with your tribe so you should have access to services that can help you with this.
    KalFour's Avatar
    KalFour Posts: 332, Reputation: 46
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    #4

    Apr 18, 2008, 08:14 PM
    I have no idea about the legal system where you live.
    Just wanted to say, sincerely, good luck. I really hope this works out for you.

    Kal
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Apr 18, 2008, 10:29 PM
    Where ever you have to go, (court or tribal court) do so, and get full custody of your child. And child support, from the mother.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #6

    Apr 19, 2008, 06:46 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Izannah
    Actually, since you are Native American, your best bet is to go through your tribe. Is the mother also Native American? ICWA (Indian Child Welfare Act) makes it possible for your tribe to basically override the US courts/laws and literally take over the case. I take it from your posting that you are registered with your tribe so you should have access to services that can help you with this.

    In my area you HAVE to go through the Tribal Council.
    So0icy's Avatar
    So0icy Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Apr 19, 2008, 08:00 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Izannah
    Actually, since you are Native American, your best bet is to go through your tribe. Is the mother also Native American? ICWA (Indian Child Welfare Act) makes it possible for your tribe to basically override the US courts/laws and literally take over the case. I take it from your posting that you are registered with your tribe so you should have access to services that can help you with this.

    Thank you, I will be contacting the tribal court. Would it make a difference that the whole custody issue is in Maryland, and my tribe is in lafayette louisana ?
    Izannah's Avatar
    Izannah Posts: 125, Reputation: 18
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    #8

    Apr 19, 2008, 08:19 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by So0icy
    Would it make a difference that the whole custody issue is in maryland, and my tribe is in lafayette louisana ?
    I don't believe it would make a difference as it would still fall under the "jurisdiction" of your tribe. Your Council rep should be able to tell you or put you in touch with whoever handles the ICWA requests/matters for your tribe.

    In Nebraska, we have several tribes in the area. It doesn't matter which tribe a person belongs to, they all can take over a case from the state's jurisdiction, regardless of where the tribal nation is located. At least there has never been a distinction made that I've come across. (insert "not an expert" disclaimer here... :p ) Again, your Council rep will be able to give you the most accurate information.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #9

    Apr 19, 2008, 08:38 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by So0icy
    Thank you, i will be contacting the tribal court. Would it make a difference that the whole custody issue is in maryland, and my tribe is in lafayette louisana ?


    There are several Nations in my area and I know people from out of State go back to their own Nation to be heard - why don't you call and ask and then take it from there?
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #10

    Apr 19, 2008, 10:23 AM
    I think that contacting the Tribal court is an excellent idea and I think you would have a better chance. Our Child Protective system stinks!
    I would could your Tribal Court in Lafayette and ask them what is the best way to go about going through them. Best Wishes!
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #11

    Apr 19, 2008, 10:49 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u
    I think that contacting the Tribal court is an excellent idea and I think you would have a better chance. Our Child Protective system stinks!
    I would could your Tribal Court in Lafayette and ask them what is the best way to go about going through them. Best Wishes!

    I think this case is from Pennsylvania (your end of the woods!) but there was a custody fight heard outside the Nation; mother lost; mother then fled to the Nation; no one could get onto Sovereign land to get the child back; Tribal Court heard the custody fight and mother won - I think it's still on appeal.

    When I work on Sovereign land I have to register with the Nation's security first and get permission.
    Izannah's Avatar
    Izannah Posts: 125, Reputation: 18
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    #12

    Apr 19, 2008, 11:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u
    Our Child Protective system stinks!
    The CPS system is what it is. It is only as strong or weak as the laws that define the policy and the workers and administration overseeing the operations. Quite often, the CPS front-line workers are limited in what they can do by the "higher ups" who make decisions based on dollars instead of what most would consider the right thing to do. This often puts the CPS system at odds with the judicial system, service providers and the public in general. How do you change that? Vote, lobby, write your governor... yadda, yadda, yadda...

    On the other hand, more often than not, the public is not privy to the true details of a case and only make assumptions based on incorrect facts. Usually the public only hears about the high profile cases or the worst possible situation and there's a huge emotional outcry.

    If everyone would take it to it's most basic definition, the focus would be on what is in the best interests of the child, where it should be. Unfortunately, the "best interest of the child" may not always be what the public may think would be best, again, they may not know all of the facts. Luckily, there are several players in each case (judges, guardians ad litem, contracted service providers, consultants of various degrees, etc... ) to keep things balanced, to keep the emotions of the case in check, so to speak.

    The system does not always work, there are serious flaws... but there are also success stories and children that get chances they would not have had if CPS intervention had not taken place.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #13

    Apr 19, 2008, 11:19 AM
    With everything I have gone through and what others I have talked to have gone through it is not the strength or weakness of the law. They lie and do what they want!
    JUST MY experience: (I can tell same type stories of what they did to others)
    They took my two boys when they were pre teen
    They said it would not be fair to take the older one and not the younger
    Because it would have an emotional impact that I wanted one and not the other
    They left my two daughters with me
    On visits I made chicken queisadia they went into court and said in a very negative tone
    That I made them pancakes and chicken for dinner. They said that I threw bags of chips at them and said here is your dinner. They MADE me quit my job. I kept telling them I would quit in three months in May. They kept arguing that I had to get on welfare and they even got me on Section 8. I finally quit a month earlier than I planned because their insistence.
    Went into court and they laughed and said "She quit her job!" I said you all insisted. They said
    "We can not MAKE you do anything" and continued laughing. Judge would not allow me to say anything. My court appointed attorney took their side because they were placing my one son with a rich guy that had all kinds of connections.
    After court I asked them why they tell all those lies. They said they can say whatever they want in court it is up to me to prove otherwise. How do I prove otherwise when the Judge is going by their reputation with them and refusing me to defend myself?
    How do you prove otherwise when the Judges were staring at the ceiling and not listening and not allowing me to say anything? They had told the Judge, again in negative tone, "She has mental issues." My therapist even said she didn't know why they were "out to get me" I could write a book on what all they pulled on me. I have talked to people in Canada, California, Australia and they all said they had similar experiences.
    Yet you tell them a guy is molesting his kids and they do not want to touch that. The guy that lived upstairs of me had been molesting his daughters for at least 9 yrs. My oldest daughter, and the kids uncle both called to report him.
    They said we will need his name, address and more information and hung up right away before they got to even tell them much of anything.


    I think he would be best to do whatever it takes to go through the tribe!
    Izannah's Avatar
    Izannah Posts: 125, Reputation: 18
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    #14

    Apr 19, 2008, 01:21 PM
    I appreciate you sharing your story, and I'm sorry you had such a hard time. Some of it I find very hard to believe but as I talked about in my previous post, without all of the facts and information, I won't even attempt a response to the situation in particular.

    I still stand by my earlier statement: The system does not always work, there are serious flaws... but there are also success stories and children that get chances they would not have had if CPS intervention had not taken place.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #15

    Apr 19, 2008, 01:59 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Izannah
    I appreciate you sharing your story, and I'm sorry you had such a hard time. Some of it I find very hard to believe but as I talked about in my previous post, without all of the facts and information, I won't even attempt a response to the situation in particular.

    I still stand by my earlier statement: The system does not always work, there are serious flaws...but there are also success stories and children that get chances they would not have had if CPS intervention had not taken place.

    Unfortunately - and people post things, adding and omitting details all the time - in this case, I truly believe this is true.

    Have had some private messages and she really did get raked over the coals.

    I see from past experience why you would question this and, of course, I've talked to the "other side" but "Nohelp" is not some irrational person and I believe it happened.

    I have seen some very strange things in the various Court systems, sometimes almost beyond belief.
    Izannah's Avatar
    Izannah Posts: 125, Reputation: 18
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    #16

    Apr 19, 2008, 02:52 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
    Unfortunately - and people post things, adding and omitting details all the time - in this case, I truly believe this is true.

    Have had some private messages and she really did get raked over the coals.

    I see from past experience why you would question this and, of course, I've talked to the "other side" but "Nohelp" is not some irrational person and I believe it happened.

    I have seen some very strange things in the various Court systems, sometimes almost beyond belief.
    Oh I completely agree. I've seen first hand where a certain family may be identified and quite literally harassed by "the system." Bad things happen to good people all the time, sometimes justice is not on your side even when your are right.

    All that I wanted to get across is that the CPS system is, unfortunately, a necessity. There are pros and cons to everything, that was my point. Nohelp stated that our child protective system sucks... I felt that was a very one sided view and wanted to post the other side of the coin.

    By no means is every case the same, there are far far too many variables. Not every state has the resources (human or financial) or the ability to properly maintain their children and family services programs. However, we cannot say that these programs can not also provide good services and good results to those who need them. Thousands of children have been saved from abusers and given opportunities to actually lead happy productive lives.

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