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    momma5's Avatar
    momma5 Posts: 134, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    Mar 13, 2015, 04:01 PM
    Threatening to hold in contempt
    I've posted before about the same child (my 8yo autistic son) and his father, but I can't find the posts...
    Anyhow, me and his father agreed back in December that maintaining child's schedule made things better for him as far as his autism went. We also agreed to split spring break to include his weekends not getting mixed up. Didn't hear anything from him nor was anything said prior to today (3/13) when at 5pm he starts his texting of where "his son" was and threatening me over and over to take me back to court. Mind you, not 2 months ago child's therapist found out fathers brother in law was coaching child to say he was seeing me and my husband touching each other inappropriatel, etc. Obviously therapist was able to put 2 and 2 together and see who was stirring the pot. Child comes home every other Sunday saying he doesn't have to listen to me or my husband because when he turns 12 he won't live with us anymore and tells me his father calls me ugly names and that my husband beats him. I'm at my with end with this. His family doesn't take child's autism seriously. And I feel lost getting accused every 6 months of something else. Help!!
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
    Ultra Member

    Mar 13, 2015, 04:24 PM
    Obviously, you need a lawyer to address this kind of issues but there is a point at which the child just benefits from you letting go of some things. Like the schedule thing - you may feel a change in schedule is disruptive and I can see that being true, but arguing about it is more disruptive. It can be handled with the child as a teachable moment where you explain in advance and show on a big calendar on the refrigerator that spring break and holidays and summer are different than school days and weeks. He may balk and get distressed but he will have schedule adjustments his entire life, so experiencing them now, you can draw on it next time. "Remember it was different for spring break and that upset you? But it ended up being ok. Sometimes it is different but we will always tell you".

    As for comments of an Inappropriate type, I would let some of that slide too. You can just respond with a sense of humor like "well, Daddy and I dont agree about that. The rules are the same. Sometimes daddy just talks about ideas that aren't decided yet I'll let you know if anything is going to be different".

    In in other words, unless you want to raise your child in a war zone and spend your retirement AND his educatin funds on lawyers, calm down and pick your battles. Give in once in a while. Make trades sometimes instead of digging in your heels. And try mediating instead of fighting every detail. If you must fight, get a lawyer and take out your wallet.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,227, Reputation: 10853

    Mar 13, 2015, 04:39 PM

    You can find all your posts on your profile page under questions.

    No doubt though that presently you need a lawyer, and your son doctor, to workout a court ordered custody/visitation plan that takes the special needs of your son into account, and making adjustments is not that unusual going forward as he gets older.

    Neither is exes that disagree on most things but if you have legal, and medical professionals on YOUR side, you have a greater chance of prevailing, no matter what he does every 6 months.
    momma5's Avatar
    momma5 Posts: 134, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    Mar 13, 2015, 05:26 PM
    Again, he's the one threatening to hold me in contempt. And while yes it would be nice to put everything aside, my son is autistic. Even the slightest difference in his schedule is difficult for him. He doesn't handle change at all. I've always looked the other way. And every time something else gets brought up. I'm very frustrated.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,227, Reputation: 10853

    Mar 13, 2015, 06:17 PM
    I wouldn't worry until he actually does something that sends you to court. If your ducks are in a row, then all he can do is threaten, which amounts to pushing your buttons. Nothing to really do about that except don't get frustrated because he knows what buttons to push.

    That's why he is an ex. Right?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692

    Mar 14, 2015, 06:17 AM
    My ex wife Susan, took me back to court at least twice a year, sometimes three times a year. So, have an attorney to answer his issues, You can not stop him from filing, and if the court will accept the motion and hear the case, you have to go.

    Keep using the counseling for the child, and document everything and the issues the ex husband is doing.

    So, tell him see me in court, if you listen to his threats, he affects you, if he threatens in phone calls, hang up when he does. Don't waste your time talking.
    If he wants to do it, just say , see you in court. And prepare for court.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,695, Reputation: 1438
    Internet Research Expert

    Mar 14, 2015, 08:27 AM
    If you do end up in court then ask for a parental evaluation to be done. That will help make permanent any changes in custody that will be made by the courts. What (from your version) he is doing is child abuse. The courts will not tolerate that.

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