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momma5 · Jul 14, 2012, 10:23 AM

I'm married n have 2 stepdaughters. Their bio mother hasn't been around n 6 years (girls are 9 and 6) . She hasn't offered to see the girls and doesn't pay any kind of support. I want to adopt them and the sad thing is of we mention anything to her about it she'll suddenly say how she wants to see them and get involved but then as always she never does. It's a vicious cycle with her. We live in Oklahoma and honestly she lives 15 minutes away. I've been with them for 3 years n I'm as responsible as they come : physically emotionally and financially . What's the best way to go about this? Were all tired of her games n would like to give this finallization. She has another child that is 12 that was adopted by his step mother as well so this is a pretty repiticious thing with her. Thank you all.

ScottGem · Jul 14, 2012, 11:43 AM

File for adoption and show the court her history. The court should grant the adoption.

momma5 · Jul 14, 2012, 12:03 PM

That's what I want to do. But I worry that when she gets served with papers of termination shell fight and suddenly say she wants something to do with the girls but then nothing goes further. That's how it usually goes. The girls know me as mom and refer to me as that. And I want them to have that stability and know that I'm not going anywhere.

JudyKayTee · Jul 14, 2012, 12:08 PM

You only have two options - if you want to adopt you either need the birth mother's consent OR you need to prove she's a danger (physically or mentally) to the children and get her parental rights removed.

There are no other options.

If she isn't paying support why isn't your husband pursuing her for the money?

momma5 · Jul 14, 2012, 12:26 PM

We've pursued support many times. She gets served for support and stops working. And she works under the table for most of her jobs she's had so she won't have to file taxes. It's a ridiculous cycle to say the least. As far as being a danger she hasn't been around n the girls do not know her so would that be enough for grounds of adopting ?

JudyKayTee · Jul 14, 2012, 12:30 PM

An Attorney would have to look at the law in your State - I don't see this as neglect. You can't force someone to be a parent.

My other concern is your cutting - just be aware that, if the mother is aware, this could be a problem for you - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...-681889-2.html

She works off the books, under the table? Hire an investigator. I do exactly this same thing for a living.

momma5 · Jul 14, 2012, 12:37 PM

My history has already been addressed by a court system. And that's what that is.. . it's the past. This is a present problem and that's why I posted the question. The girls want me to adopt them and while they're 9 & 6 I do respect that this is their future. My ex husband tried to use my past as grounds for gaining custody and the judge said he failed miserably. I understand some things are taboo w people and I'm OK with that. I'm more than willing to talk to people about it because I'm stronger because of it. But back to the subject at hand.. . I want what's best for them and she isn't.

ScottGem · Jul 14, 2012, 01:43 PM

We don't know if a judge will look at her history and approve the adoption. The only thing you can do is try.

momma5 · Jul 14, 2012, 02:45 PM

Thank you for your replies. And yes we intend to try at least. That's all anyone can do.