I married my (now) ex-husband in 1997 in Maryland. 2 days later, we moved to Indiana, where he had been living for a year.
A few months later, in 1998, he had an affair. As a result, in 1999, my stepson was born. I have been his 2nd mom since he was 2 months old. He is now 10.
His dad and I separated in August 2008 (not by my choice). Divorce was final in January 2009.
I love my son and consider myself his primary care-giver when ever he was with us because my ex has many hobbies. (my neighbors have even commented that it seemed the my son was always with me.)
During the first 5 or so years of his life, we had him every weekend and only needed a babysitter 4 times. After that, he was with us 1 night per week, and every other weekend.
When my ex and I separated, I did not see my son for about a month and a half. At that time, my son's mom, the custodial parent, allowed me to see him a few hours about 2 times per month. Since we only have a few hours together, we usually do something, like go bowling, or ride bikes, or attend an event. It would appear on the outside that I am spoiling, but when you have limited time, you make the most of the quality time...
During the last several months, my ex sometimes tells me I have to go through my son's mom to see him, then sometimes tells me I have to go through him.
(my ex owes me several thousand dollars for bills that I took over when we divorced, but I have not made an attempt to get the money because he makes it seem like he will prevent me from seeing my son.)
There is no stability in this arrangement for my son. I want what is best for him, and I fully believe that maintaining a relationship with me is the best thing. With my ex's history and how my ex and I have always perceived my son's mom's attituded, I honestly think that I (and my son's stepdad) are the more stable of the 4 of his parents.
I am meeting with my son's mom and my ex on Sunday, but my son's mom is holding all of the power at this point.
Do I have any legal rights (indiana) to maintain a strong parental relationship with my son?
Thank you!!

My uncle and aunt have gone through this, you can go to court for custody or the adoption option you can choose. It is up to the biological parent basically for visitaions right or if the mom signs her rights.

What does "It is up to the biological parent basically for visitaions {sic} right or if the mom signs her rights" mean? It doesn't even make sense.

Is your experience with this in Indiana?

I have researched and I find no such provision in Indiana law - the stepmother is NOT related to the child. She may file for visitaiton but there is no law which says she will get it.

Her best best is to try to negotiate some time with the child.

Agreed.There is No such statute.
Some cases:
Caban v. Healey, 634 N.E.2d 540 (Ind. Ct. App. 1994) (affirming visitation to stepmother who had acted as child's parent for most of child's life); Collins v. Gilbreath, 403 N.E.2d 921 (Ind. Ct. App. 1980) (court may grant visitation to stepparent on showing of best interests of child over objection of natural parent).

As a step-parent you have no inherent rights to visitation.
Legal reality - you have no chance at all.