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    brandinatay's Avatar
    brandinatay Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Mar 26, 2009, 07:32 PM
    Sister having a baby and wants me to adopt the child
    I live in rochester New York and my 15 year old sister is pregnant and she wants me and my boyfriend to adopt it I just wanted to know what to do and how to go through with finalizing it
    stevetcg's Avatar
    stevetcg Posts: 3,693, Reputation: 353
    Ultra Member

    Mar 27, 2009, 04:19 AM

    Sounds kind of simple, but you hire a lawyer. This isn't something you can do on your own.

    I assume you are over 18, right?
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443

    Mar 28, 2009, 05:52 AM

    Honestly--while sister seems to have made up her mind completely, you need to get both her and yourself into adoption counseling---by someone OTHER than an adoption agency. You can find counselors that specialize in adoption in your phone book, or by calling your physician and asking for a referral.

    She THINKS she wants you to adopt her child. I am betting, though, that what her ideas on adoption are and what YOUR ideas on adoption are --those are two different things, and I'm betting that both points of view don't take into consideration what adoption LAW is like.

    Look--I think it's lovely that you're willing to help your sister out. I ALSO know, from being a birthmom and having worked with many birthmoms throughout the years that a family member adopting your child is one of the toughest adjustments to make mentally and emotionally. I also don't know of a single birthmother (personally) who chose to have a family member adopt and is now on good terms with her family.

    Look--when you choose adoption, you really don't understand everything that you're giving up. And to SEE what you've given up, at every single family event, at every supper at your parents', at weddings, funerals, baptisms, birthday parties---well, it's like pouring lemon juice and salt into an already painful wound, and worst of all, no one understands YOUR point of view on things, because they see the family members who adopted your child as having "bailed you out' and you should "just get over it".

    If the child who is placed for adoption is still with the family, NO ONE in the family seems to understand the grieving that is needed by the birthmother.

    PLEASE---before you contact a lawyer, contact a counselor. Help your sister find out what it is she TRULY wants to do. If it really and truly is to give her child to you in adoption--then GREAT! You've made sure that she has a stable mental and emotional platform from which to make that decision.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
    Internet Research Expert

    Mar 28, 2009, 07:57 AM

    Where is the father of the child?? And how old is the father of this child ? Also its not likely that both you and your boyfriend will be able to adopt the child. Many states require that adoptions that go to couples be married for at least 1 years time so they know there is some history of stability.

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