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XxSideshowPunkxX · Sep 22, 2007, 07:19 AM

OK, here's the deal...

I met this AMAZING girl back in March. In May, she came over one night, and told me that she was completely in love with me, and that I make her feel like nobody else ever has before. She said that she wanted desperately to move in with me, because it hurts her to be away from me for any amount of time. About a week after that, I got kicked out of my apartment and had to find a new one. We found one together, and she signed the lease with me. I explained to her beforehand that it's not a game, and not to sign it if she thought it was. She told me she'd be moved in by Halloween, which I thought was reasonable. Well, it's now September, and she has not said a single thing to her parents about moving in with me. She says she doesn't know when she'll be able to. She says she doesn't have the "balls" as she puts it, to stand up to her parents. By the way, she's 21, and I'm 24.

Up to this point, she has been helping me pay for the rent here, helping with the bills, etc. She's not showing any signs of not wanting to pursue this relationship further. How long should I sit here and wait for her? I love her more than anything in the world, but I can't help feeling like she's been dragging me along up to this point as far as moving in is concerned. To this day, she tells me, in her own words, that she "wants this so bad she can taste it." She lives about an hour away from me, and comes out to see me every single night after work, which is like 12am or so. I don't understand her reasoning behind this, and I need someone else's opinion, because every single time I bring it up to her, she breaks down crying, knowing that I'll stop talking about it because I'm in love with her, and don't want to see her crying. Someone help!

edzmedz · Sep 22, 2007, 07:43 AM

She obviously has her reasons. If you really love her like u say u do, you must wait for her. Apart from this issue, is everything between you two OK?

XxSideshowPunkxX · Sep 22, 2007, 07:48 AM

Yeah, everything's been perfectly fine! We celebrated our 6 month anniversary yesterday, and everything was awesome! She's the only girl I've ever been with that I feel I can be myself around, instead of holding back all the time. She says it's the same way with me. This seems to be the only issue between us, and although I don't want to keep bringing it up, I can't sit here and act like I'm not thinking about it. I am. A lot. I'm willing to wait for her, but there has to be some sort of limit.

Emland · Sep 22, 2007, 07:58 AM

Is she the old fashioned type? Perhaps her parents are the kind that will disown her if she moves in with someone that isn't a husband.

Just a thought.

edzmedz · Sep 22, 2007, 09:38 AM

Well if it's a longterm thing between the two of u , what's a few more months?. if you feel there is a limit to waiting like u say , then wait for a few more days (after the last time u mentioned this) then tell her u are willing to wait but she needs to specify a date when she will give you a definitive answer even if it's in 10years. (of course u can say it without meaning it)
Anyway are u sure about this?? Trust me most relationships go very badly when it involves living together! A relationship lasts about 70% less of what it is supposed to when the partners live together. There is even a new trend now where married couples live separately in their apartments and it works! They can stay for a night at each other's place but they don't live together. Well then again that's in France so... hehe I am not sure:)

XxSideshowPunkxX · Sep 22, 2007, 01:12 PM

See, that's the whole thing. I have NO PROBLEM waiting for her... if she gives me some sort of time frame. I DO have a problem being told something will happen, and then watching it not happen over and over again. It makes me feel like I'm being led on in a way. Hey, if she said to me, "I'll move in July 5th, 2009," I'd be happier than a pig in , because then at least I'd have some kind of answer. Right now, it's open-ended, and I hate that.

J_9 · Sep 22, 2007, 01:22 PM

Why don't the two of you talk to her parents TOGETHER!! It will show them that the two of you are committed and are making decisions together.

She gave you a time frame, she said "by Halloween." Halloween is still a month away.

XxSideshowPunkxX · Sep 22, 2007, 01:24 PM

I actually had that idea like 2 months ago. I figured it would be the mature thing to do, to show that this isn't something that's just going to go away. She's too afraid to... or at least that's the reason she's giving.

XxSideshowPunkxX · Oct 1, 2007, 07:18 PM

OK, so here's an update. Today she came over, and we got in a discussion about this whole situation. A friend of mine suggested that maybe she doesn't want to move in because we're having financial problems right now. I brought that up to her, and told her that "a friend" told me that, and it seems pretty valid. RIGHT AWAY, she gets her back up, and goes, "I wish my friends wouldn't talk to you like that." Now, truth be told, I did NOT speak to ANY of her friends, which leads me to believe that she said that to one of her friends, and was worried they told me. MY thing is, if that's her reasoning behind this, then that's fine. I just wish she would have told me that from the start, instead of feeding me excuse after pathetic excuse all along. She denies having said anything like that to any of her friends, but I honestly don't believe her. Any ideas? Think she DID say something? I would be aggravated if she was talking to one of her friends about something like that before me, since it basically is OUR LIFE together that she's talking about... I feel like I should be the first one told, no?

edzmedz · Oct 2, 2007, 08:28 AM

Get serious! If she has any friends at all, especially "girlfriends", than this is the topic you should be worried the least about . You DON'T want to know what other stuff they talk about lol.

deathgoddess388 · Oct 6, 2007, 02:04 PM

I had the same problem I have a hard time standing up to my parents you should just wait the boyfriend that just broke up with me waited for a year and a half and we broke up cause he could not wait anymore trust me it will hurt her if u give up and she will have a hard time healing. So keep strong if you love this girl then wait until she is strong enough to stand up for herself comfort her and tell her that you will be able to do this and it will happen.

XxSideshowPunkxX · Oct 10, 2007, 04:06 PM

I DO love this girl, but isn't there some kind of limit? I don't want to hurt her, but it's hurting ME playing this little game with her. We actually just had a long talk about it last night, and still nothing has changed. I would be more than willing to keep waiting, but the thing is that it doesn't exactly seem like she EVER plans on doing anything about this. I don't want to put it this way, but it's starting to feel like her dad has the money, and I'm just her little f*** toy. I guess I'm just going to have to sit here and wait for the rest of my life, until there's no more time left to wait.

N0help4u · Oct 10, 2007, 04:32 PM

My parents always made me feel like I wasn't allowed to do anything without their approval.
So if she is anything like I was she wants to wait until the last second because she has to live with them in the meantime and they WILL either put their foot down and say NO or they will spend the time nagging her about how bad her decisions are, she doesn't know what she is getting herself into, etc... So it is just easier to wait until you don't have to have the daily try to make you feel guilty for going against them.
Have you told her that if she doesn't want to move in with you that you will still love her but you don't want to be left up in the air about it?
I think you should try and get her to tell you why Halloween? I think if you ask her that and she doesn't have an answer it might be she is stringing you along. She just might be afraid that if she says she doesn't want to move in you will give up on her and look for somebody else that will.
Keep talking and trying to get to the bottom of it. Halloween is only about three weeks away so give her the time and space for now. Then Halloween if she still is procrastinating tell her she needs to start making some decisions.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 10, 2007, 06:18 PM

I think she made a commitment she was not ready to make and does not know how to get out of it. I know I would not move in with a guy I've only been dating 6 months. She probably thought it was all so romantic at first, but she is probably not thrilled with shacking up.
I'll bet if you told her that you'd understand if she didn't want to move in with you, and that you will find a place on your own, she'd be OK with that.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 10, 2007, 06:21 PM

Why don't you just get a place on your own anyway and be done with it. Nobody's making you stay there and take half of her money.

gbabe · Oct 10, 2007, 08:34 PM

She seems like a practical person, when you really love sumone, thoughts of a future with this person would definitely run through your mind..
U begin to weigh the pro’s and con’s of the future of the relationship.. especially if your the female, who needs security in many senses, financial, emotional,etc,

U know what, maybe she is insecure hence unsure, u say she splits d bills with you, she makes all the effort to see you everyday 12am after work, do you put in any effort in the relationship,besides paying your share of rent/bills/making the effort to see her/show care for her safety, she sees u 12am everyday?( yup its obvious you love her alrite).. no offense intended you

Its all this little things that will matter in her deciding if she’s doing the right thing, sorry if I'm being brutally blunt, but what is she going to tell her parents about u? Oh you, “I make an hours trip at 12am everynite to see the luv of my life,,and another thing,,I also pay half his rent/bills”?.
Common, its totally unreal for someone who says he cares and loves a girl..

I’m also saying this because I just got out of a relationship becos of this, I couldn’t explain to my parents why he was the one, trust me he wanted to explain on my behalf, but in your heart you know, life is not just based on emotions,there's reality too,

It hurt like hell to let him go, but its better then a lifetime of insecurity,

So stop asking her to move in with u, show not tell her you care, u want to give her security, you are able to take care of her, trust me things will change

XxSideshowPunkxX · Oct 11, 2007, 07:43 AM

I'm not asking her anymore. I spend every cent of what I make on the bills here. I refuse her money every single time, and every single time she doesn't give me an option. The reason I don't go to see her is because I don't have a car. If I did, trust me, I would go see her a LOT. You all are right, now that I've been reading through all the responses. I guess I'm not good enough for her. She DOESN'T have a single thing to tell her parents about me. I wouldn't want to put her through a lifetime of insecurity, either. Maybe the best thing at this point would be to call things off with her? I've had my share of relationships, and even been married once before, but I've NEVER felt this way about someone else... even my ex wife. For those interested, NO this girl was not the "other woman," I never cheated on my wife, and I met this girl long after my wife left me for someone else. The whole reason I even started this post was not because she wouldn't move in with me. It was because I haven't gotten a reason why. It makes me feel like she's hiding some reason from me that she's afraid to tell me. I just want a DEFINITIVE answer, that's all. If she DOESN'T want to move in with me, then that's fine, but TELL ME! I don't think it's fair that I should be sitting here thinking about something that may never happen. There are no words to explain the kind of pain I would feel if I ever did let her go, but I guess it would be best for her. I'm backed against a wall, and I need all the help I can get with this situation. By the way, I want to thank all of you for the answers and advice. Believe it or not, it has helped me quite a bit with this.

N0help4u · Oct 11, 2007, 09:43 AM

I think you are good enough for her. I think she really really loves you or she wouldn't help you financially and she wouldn't come see you every night at midnight after she has worked.
I think it could even crush her that she invested her time, money and love into her and then would break up with her.
I really think she is afraid of her parents and you should let her love you in her own way and let her have the time to deal with how she is going to make the transition from her parents to you.

XxSideshowPunkxX · Oct 11, 2007, 10:32 AM

That's what I plan to do from this moment forward. You're right. Not all of us can just get up and leave our parents right away like I did. Some people need more time. Some people have different ways of dealing with it. I DO love her, more than anything or anyone else in the world, and I will wait for her. I will wait as long as it takes for her to feel comfortable making this change.

XxSideshowPunkxX · Oct 20, 2007, 11:02 PM

OK, so SHE brought this up in conversation like 2 days ago, and told me she doesn't know why she said Halloween. She told me she thought it would be easier to do than it turned out to be. She said she doesn't know when she'll be moved in. I've basically realized that I no longer have the emotional energy required to deal with a relationship. I just can't f***ing do it anymore. Not just with her, with ANYONE. I think I just want to be single. It's all too much of a headache. Mind you, I've never broken up with anyone before, but I don't know what's going to happen this time. I've been lied to for 7 months. It's our 7 month anniversary tomorrow. I guess it's time to do a LOT of serious thinking, huh?