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Laura0175 · Sep 5, 2007, 10:33 AM

My husband and I are divorceing after 15 years of marriage. We have 3 children a boy 14, two girls 10 and 6. My husband is putting a lot of pressure on our son to come and live with him. Me and my son have always been a lot closer than him and his father. When he reponded in the divorce papers we is asking for custody of just our son. My son tells me he doesn't want to be the one to choose between us. He wants our son to testify in court, but my son is refusing. What are the chances of him actually getting custody of our son?

LearningAsIGo · Sep 5, 2007, 11:01 AM

Well, of course its up to the judge to determine but if your son is 14 and unwilling to testify... as well as the fact that your ex only wants ONE child, the judge won't look very highly upon that.

I just have to say.. how TERRIBLE for your ex to put his children through that pain! Singling one out is awful, just awful.
It's been 15 years since I was in that situation with my parents, but I know at 14 they didn't put me on the stand in front of the court to testify. They sat me down with some sort of court liaison to discuss what I wanted. Either way, no kid should be put between his parents.
Good luck to you and the kiddos.

tawnynkids · Sep 5, 2007, 05:35 PM

As far as I know if your son were to "testify" it would be in the judges chambers or with a mediator privately away from the actual court room and the parents. As I also understand it they never ask the child who they want to live with. They just ask them questions about their personal relationship with each of you and about them personally (school, friends etc.) If your son choses to express a preference the judge very likely take that into serious consideration and won't tell anyone about it. The judge would privately take the child's desire and weigh it with everything else and decide what is in the child/ren's best interest.

Judges tend to give the majority of custody to the parent who has been the primary caretaker, not separate siblings and try to place the children and order visitation in such a way as to disrupt the child/ren's lives as little as possible.

Judges do not like to separate siblings and for one parent to single a child out to ask for custody... well without guaranteeing anything let's just say not likely going to happen! He's not likely to gain any sort of favor with a judge doing that.