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baseballguy5 · Nov 12, 2009, 08:20 PM

I have a child that I have never met. The mother is asking for child support however, this woman says that shed rather not have me in the picture at all. She says she's fine without my money and would rather me not be in and out of the child's life. She lives in another state we both have separate relationships. Is there any way for me to not pay child support if the mother does not want it?

justcurious55 · Nov 12, 2009, 08:28 PM

She's asking for child support but says she doesn't want it? That doesn't make sense. Is there a court order for child support? If there is, even if she says you don't have to follow it, she can still go back at any time later and sue you for back child support.

If there's no court order, then no, you don't really have to pay child support. Since there's no way for it to be enforced that you take responsibility for your child without the court. But child support and visitation is about the child, what's best for the child. Not just all about what one parent wants. Can I ask why you've never met your child?

Fr_Chuck · Nov 12, 2009, 08:40 PM

Just ask her to not go to court and ask for support. That is easy,

If she did not really want child support she would have never filed in the first place.

If she has never got a court order you don't owe anything. Once she gets a court order, there is no way out of it.

But to be honest, think of what you will say in 16 years to this child when they appear at your door and asks why you did not want to be in their life.

baseballguy5 · Nov 12, 2009, 09:05 PM

There is a court order.. I have all the papers. I'm ready to go and pay support and all that jazz. However this is turning into a big issue and she doesn't want me in and out of the kids life. She says it will cause pain to the child that way. I just need to know if its possible or not. This girl isn't making the situation easier.. granted I wasn't perfect either. She just wants me out of the picture. And I see that as a reasonable, logical answer.. I just want to know my options.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 12, 2009, 09:09 PM

No, lets say you agree and don't pay for three years, and then all of a sudden she has to collect some state welfare, and the state gets involved,

You would be real surprised when they handcuff you for non payment and sit in jail till you make payment arrangements to make up all the back suport.

Had she not wanted support she would not have went to court.

Next it does not matter what she thinks, she really wants the money and not you,
But you don't need to be "IN and OUT" you need to set up regular visits, regular phone calls and be part of the child's life.

With email, text message, free long distance, video message on internet, there is no reason not to be part of someone's life

baseballguy5 · Nov 12, 2009, 09:12 PM

I know she doesn't want me haha. She's trying to get me out of the picture. And I might be OK with it. I just don't want it bite me in the butt legally... such as sitting in a jail cell. I suppose you'd have to know all the details of the case to help.

justcurious55 · Nov 12, 2009, 09:24 PM

Then maybe you should give us the details. Although, I can't think of any detail that would convince me that you should just stay out of your child's life. Like chuck said, what are you going to say 16 years to this child? Do you really think that "you mom didn't want me around." is going to be a good excuse for the kid?

Synnen · Nov 13, 2009, 05:58 AM

She wants child support enough to file for it.

GREAT! Make your payments and support the child you helped bring into the world.

NEXT--get a lawyer and go after visitation rights. Make sure that regardless how the mother WANTS things that you WILL be part of your child's life--and use your court ordered visitation to enforce that.

If SHE is the one in contempt of court for blocking your visitations, then SHE is the one that ends up in trouble and going to jail.

jmjoseph · Nov 13, 2009, 06:35 AM

It would be better to support your child and not be in the picture, than to have a child that does without.

I personally, would want to be a part of my own child's life.

Why are you trying to get out of paying support to your own flesh and blood?

s_cianci · Nov 13, 2009, 06:36 AM

Have you been proven to be the father (by means of a DNA test)? Has she sued you for child support? If she doesn't take any action against you, then you won't be paying child support. However, if she should ever apply for public assistance, one of the conditions for eligibility will be for her to pursue an action of child support against you. If such an action is initiated, an adjudication of paternity will have to be issued, which requires either a DNA test or you signing an affidavit of paternity. Personally, if it comes down to that, I'd advise you to go for the DNA test as opposed to merely signing an affidavit of paternity ; that way there's no doubt.. Once you're proven to be the dad, the court will require you to document your income and, based on that, a support amount will be set. Also, if you want it, you can file your own motion for visitation, even if she doesn't want you to have it. Her not wanting you in the child's life does not preclude you from doing so if you wish to be, but you need a court order.

s_cianci · Nov 13, 2009, 06:37 AM

if there is, even if she says you don't have to follow it, she can still go back at any time later and sue you for back child support.

Absolutely. If there is a court order in place, follow it to the letter, even if she indicates otherwise.