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    cfaith719's Avatar
    cfaith719 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 1, 2012, 01:37 AM
    How to prove a mother unfit?
    I am 16 years old and I decided to come live with my mother. I had lived with my aunt and uncle since I was 3 or 4 and they had told me and my mom that they had guardianship of me and we found out that was a lie. So I planned to move to my moms behind my families back and they are pretty upset with me and my mom. My brothers have never lived with my mom because my family did not let my mom come and get them. My father who is a convicted felon and is currently in jail had told my mother years ago that she would never get us kids and if she tried he would get her knee caps taken out. I have 3 brothers and they currently speak with my mother. My aunt keeps telling me that my brothers are going to go before a judge and tell the judge my mother is an unfit mother just because she came and picked me up to live with her. What do you need exactly to prove to a judge that a mother is unfit?
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #2

    Jan 1, 2012, 05:36 AM
    We don't know where you are, and that matters. If your relatives don't have guardianship of you how to they get medical treatment for you, enroll you in school, do things of a legal nature?

    At any rate - in order to prove a mother unfit she has to be a danger to the "child" (and you are considered a child because you are legal age) emotionally or physically. This can include unstable behavior (such as drugs, drinking, mental illness) or the inability to keep a clean house, prepare meals, provide emotional and physical security for the child.

    I don't understand how/why your mother was told your family had guardianship. She would know whether she signed guardianship papers and I would think she would have asked for proof.

    Her "taking" you - if that is what she did - may be considered to be bad parenting because she chose not to go through the legal system and removed you from what was considered (I would "guess") a stable environment.

    I think the background here is going to be very important.

    Something in this story isn't right.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,687, Reputation: 1438
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    #3

    Jan 1, 2012, 06:11 AM
    Also your mother may be guilty of parental kidnapping from the way your saying it. If you have been under someone else's care for the last 12 years the courts may look dimly on your mothers attempt to steal you away. Also about the kneecapping comment. If that came from your mother then that re-enforces the fact that your mother is an unfit parent as a parent should never drg the child into a custody dispute. Its odd that she waited so long.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,970, Reputation: 6056
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    #4

    Jan 1, 2012, 06:13 AM
    At 16, you cannot decide where to live. You are still a minor so only a court can decide who has custody of you. If you just leave and move in with mom, it would backfire. She could be accused of kidnapping and that would end any chance of you living with her.

    If you want to move in with her, then she needs to go to court and petition for custody. If she does this and if your aunt and uncle can't prove that they have legal guardianship, then the aunt and uncle will be the ones in trouble (how did you find out it was a lie, by the way?)
    AK lawyer's Avatar
    AK lawyer Posts: 12,592, Reputation: 977
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    #5

    Jan 1, 2012, 08:28 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    ... Something in this story isn't right.
    People lie and tell half-truths all the time. In this case I would suspect what the aunt, uncle, and mother told the OP.

    Also, in the real world, people don't always go to court and get a judge to make an order. Litigation is expensive and time-consuming. More-often-than-not, real people simply take charge of the situation and do what has to be done. This may involve not telling the child the full story.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,970, Reputation: 6056
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    #6

    Jan 1, 2012, 09:45 AM
    Doctors are probably very lax in this area. I doubt if they often ask the party that brings in a child for proof that they can approve medical care. But hospitals and schools are more stringent. Since the OP has stated she has lived with the aunt and uncle since pre-school age, I wonder how they were able to register her in school.

    But this is all speculation on our part. Hopefully the OP will return and fill in some of the many blanks here.
    cfaith719's Avatar
    cfaith719 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jan 1, 2012, 11:22 PM
    Ummmmm I live in Arkansas and first of all my mother did not drag me into a custody battle... my family has kept my mother from me for years because of the crap my father had told them and my family believed a hibitual liar... my mother found out got an attorney so she didn't kidnap who ever said she could be in trouble for kidnapping me... and I'm pretty sure in the state of Arkansas when you turn 12 you can go before a judge and tell them who you want to live with and he will base his answer mostly on what the kid wants... so I am of the age to choose where I want to live... but my mom and moms attorney does not have a clue how my aunt and uncle got to register me in school and how they got state medicaid for me... but since I was in little I was told that my aunt and uncle has guardianship of me and when I told my mother I wanted to come live with her she went and got an attorney and the attorney looked through the court to see if any guardianship papers were filed and they didn't have a document in the court system saying that my aunt and uncle had filed for guardianship of me.. but we have just found out that they do have papers for guardianship but they aren't legal.. my father had faked the papers.. but why would my mother go to court and file for a petition to get custody of me when my aunt and uncle don't have anything saying that I'm legally tied to them... and I think her coming and taking me is not bad parenting I think my family did some bad parenting by keeping me from my mother and robbing my mother of raising me... and she waited this long because my family practically controlled her life... she wanted her kids but my family wouldn't let her... so I think yalls opinions are not helpful and they are crap sorry but they are
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,970, Reputation: 6056
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    #8

    Jan 2, 2012, 04:15 AM
    First, I don't know where you are getting your information, but the fact is a child (under 18) CANNOT choose who to live with. Some states have guidelines as to how much weight to put on the child's preference, but the decision is up to the court, NOT the child.

    Second, we base our answers on what you tell us. Had you given us more info in the beginning (especially that your mother had retained an attorney) our answers might have been different. So don't blame us if you did not find the answers helpful, we can only work with what we are told. Your very first answer said that the background would be important.

    According to your original post, you lived with your aunt and uncle for 12 years. Even if it turns out they illegally kept you, I still feel that your mother would have been better off legally reaffirming custody rather than just have you move in. I'm wondering if her attorney actually advised her to do that. Most attorneys are conservative and would not advise a client to do something without legal backing.

    But the die is cast now. I doubt if your aunt and uncle would contest this since, to do so, would bring to light that they illegally kept you from your mother. In fact, if I were your mother I would file suit for parental interference among other things. She should talk to her attorney about what she can press against them.

    As to your brothers trying to find mom unfit. They would have to provide proof she is a danger to you. Ignoring the law by picking you up, could get their case heard, but its not enough, especially, under these circumstances, to get her declared unfit. And, again, the best defense is a good offense. She should go on the offensive and charge your aunt and uncle with anything she can.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #9

    Jan 2, 2012, 08:46 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by cfaith719 View Post
    ..but why would my mother go to court and file for a petition to get custody of me when my aunt and uncle don't have anything saying that im legally tied to them...and i think her coming and taking me is not bad parenting i think my family did some bad parenting by keeping me from my mother and robbing my mother of raising me....and she waited this long because my family practically controlled her life...she wanted her kids but my family wouldn't let her....so i think yalls opinions are not helpful and they are crap sorry but they are

    I think you are getting your legal information from a bad source. Able to chose where to live at age 12? Absolutely not the law.

    Maybe if you had posted the entire scenario right from the beginning you would have saved everyone a lot of time, trouble and research.

    I know you don't "think" your mother taking you was bad parenting. Unfortunately it's not about what you "think." It's about what the Court decides - if it gets that far.

    I still don't understand why it took your mother so long to come and get you if that was her intention the whole time. I am assuming she paid support. Who ordered the support payment?

    Or did she pay nothing while your aunt and uncle raised you?

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