OK, I just recently found out that my sons mother who I haven't heard from in about 7 yrs changed his name to her husbands last name without my consent. I have not seen my son since he was a 1 1/2 when his mother got married and took him from me. We went to court a few times and the judge gave her the decision to let me see my son or not. Well she has chosen not to let him see me. I pay child support every month, they take it out of my paycheck, they get my tax returns every year and last year got my stimulus check. Now the husband wants to adopt my son after 7 years. I found out that they changed his name a few shorts months after we went our separate ways. When I asked them how they changed his name they said " we could not locate you" and that is what they told the courts and they bought it? They did not even try to locate me. I mean if child support is taken out of my check shouldn't the state be able to locate me? Because they can sure locate the child support. I can not believe that we live in a world that a mother can go to court and request to change a child name without the bio-fathers consent and the court says OK sure!! My question is how can they do that? They live in New Jersey and I live in Florida and we have lived in those places since the split, but the original court hearing was in Virginia where we lived when we had the child. Someone please help me understand this.. Can I file a fraudulent claim against them for telling the judge they couldn't locate me when they did not even try??

I am so sorry this happened to you. It cost my son $30,000 to get custuody of my granddaughter, and his x wife never paid child support even though she was suppose to.
If you have the money for attorneys, expect them to take it slow, and it will cost you a fortune. My husband paid child support and never saw his kids once because his x took the kids from Idaho to PA and told the courts she did not want my husband to ever see or have the kids. Her mother had money, because he did not have the money to go back to PA to fight this, the court said "OK" and now that there of age, they will not even talk to him. They where baby's when he last saw them. So yes the courts do stupid things, and you will have to go to the state they live, and hire an attorney there to fight the adoption, and yes the courts know where you are. It will depend on the attorney you get to get what you want. Sad but true. Today some men do have a chance to fight for there children, but for the most part I don't think they have changed that much to help men. I'll pray for you and hope you can get an answer. Good Luck. Sorry I cannot give positive report, but try and get an attorney that fights for men. Someone on this sight should be able to help you find someone on "Fathers Rights", dig into the help areas of Attorneys. I have not been able to get spell check on this sight, so I hope you forgive any words that are spelt wrong.

Thank you so much for your support... I am to the point where I am just drained with fighting with her and her family and I have all but agreed to letting the stepfather adopt him, but they changed his name back in 2002 and I have been paying support all these years not knowing that they even changed his name. She NEVER even tried to contact me.. What drives people to do these things. I do not have the money to keep fighting, and her grandparents are millionaires, literally. I have no chance what so ever... I am screwed

Hi, today I hate to say it but woman have become brutal when they get a divorce.
The devil is alive and well. I hate what people do to children, and move people in and out of there lives and make decisions not understanding the consequenses of what it will do to the child when they grow up.
I know there is a group of Attorneys that will fight for you in your situation, I think there called "Fathers Rights". I mentioned that and
Hopefully when more people read this there
Will be someone to contact you. Look them up on the internet "Attorneys for Fathers Rights".
They might have a fund set up to help you pay
For this. Woman actually go through the same thing as you. Its just what you can do if you have money, or family with money that will
Help drive those evil thoughts in peoples heads. Check out the sites, and I will to, I think I can contact a friend that worked with these attorneys, but I will help you look for this
Group of Attorneys. Hang in there.

It sounds to me like you aren't telling us everything. No court will decide to let the custodial parent decide if they want to allow visitation. Have you been to court to request it or did you not bother showing up for the custody hearing?

Why do you care about a name change? You obviously don't care enough for your child to try to be a part of his life. What difference does a name make?

Yes, you can go to court and file a suit against them and probably have the name change overturned, but for what purpose? They can and probably will simply continue to call the child whatever they want which is perfectly legal. Yeah, they lied on the paperwork and they should have been able to get in touch with you. They may get a slap on the wrist for that.

Bottom line... look at what is important. You have essentially forgone contact with your child for 7 years... but care about a name change?

I will agree with steve you either did not have an attorney and signed anything she put in front of you, or you are not telling us the entire story.

No, you could have went back to court anytime assuming you are not a threat to the children or have some serious criminal record and gotten court ordered visits. The simple truth nad I will be brutal, you choose not to see them for what ever reason.

And I will agree you can most likely get it changed, but after 7 yeasrs why do you NOW care,

If you want to do something more important, try and be part of the child's life for the rest of it,

1st of all Chuck and Steve, that is right you do not know the whole story. I care deeply for my child and I have made every attempt to keep in touch with child as I could and what my financial situation would allow me to. I do not have a lot of money, bottom line is the mother of my child ran up numerous credit cards in my name and left me holding the bundle and cheated on me numerous times and I was the dumb one to stay with her, but that was my choice. I have been to court many times over the last 7 years, and so has her grandparents and their high priced lawyer. No I didn't have an attorney the very first time that we went to court because her and I agreed to keep it simple then she totally screwed me over and brought a lawyer, and yes I was a naïve kid who didn't know a lot. But for you guys to sit there and make me sound like the bad guy and a terrible father, how dare you!! I have paid my child support every month since she left, my responsibility. I have not been able to start a life of my own while she has my child and a life, so you say why do I care about a name change, because it is all I have left. That is my child and I was looking for advice and instead I got punched in the gut. People like you must live in a fantasy world were everything is perfect and money and happiness grows on trees and falls from the sky, but for normal people it isn't like that, so thank you for your 2 cents but next time if you don't have the answer then just keep your opinions to yourself and do not answer...

We are not judging you as a father or a person - we are judging you the same way a court would. Impartially.

We both DID give you an answer and a fairly accurate one at that. The court may or may not reverse the name change but the first thing that they are going to ask is "is this in the best interest of the child". They will look at your visitation history and wonder why changing things is in the best interest of the child.

I cannot see why it is.

It is not all you have. You are ENTITLED to visitation if you went and fought for it. I don't care if they have a lawyer or not. You go and tell the court that you want visitation and it will be granted, at some level. Yeah, you will have to travel and incur expense to get it, but that isn't the fault of the court or your ex. There is nothing that says you cannot move.

I am sorry you feel as though you were getting attacked... but I assure you their lawyer will do the same and not be nearly as objective as we are.

To answer your question… People lie all the time to get what they want. They would have to have show a reasonable effort to get in contact with you. What ever they did and the fact that you weren't there told the judge that you didn't care. Right or wrong that is what happened seven years ago. Now the child is enrolled in school and with doctors, daycare, sports, etc all using the legal name not the birth name. Going to court now they would have a good reason to keep it as it is. You not having visited the child, be it because of them, money or some other reason, will have little say in getting the name changed back.

This may not be the case with you, but most NCP that have the child support taken from their paychecks have not paid the support in the past or because the CP can't locate them and asks the CSE to do it for them. Just because the CSE can find your employment to doc your pay doesn't mean that they shared the information with the CP or that they have your home address and can give that to the CP. Remember that most of the NCP's that have their income tax refunds intercepted is because of a child support arrearage amount that needs to be paid. That only confirms to most people that you couldn't be found at one time.

My advice is if you want to have contact with the child, file the papers with the court for visitation. Then see the child as much as you can. Once a relationship is formed then file papers to have the child's name changed back. IMO the name changing back is a long shot at this point, it's been so long and the fact that you didn't know about it for years, and wouldn't know if they didn't contact you about the adoption, only tells the court that you haven't had any contact with the child – they won't care about the reason. On the other hand if you don't want or can't see the child regularly then allow the step dad to adopt.

Thank you for all of your help... I am just going to give up, I have no more fight in me...

Sorry to hear that.

You are half right... give up the name change. Who cares. "A rose by any other name still smells as sweet". Fight for what is important... your rights as a father (i.e. visitation)

I was just reading your question and how ignorant and stupid some people can sometimes be and cruel for that matter. First of all why he got the visitation like that is none of our business, what matters is that he is now wanting to show interest for his child and whether he paid child support willingly or forcefully he should have the right to be able to see his child. Give the child the oppurtunity to meet his/her father and if he wants nothing to do with the father let the child decide. We live in such a cruel world, where people lie to get what they want. The only thing I can say about the name change, is that it was a very low blow on her behalf. What she probably did, because she needs proof that she searched for you. She could have put an ad in the paper searching for you giving you a certain amount of time for you to contact her or the courts, after you did not reply, she just had to tell the cours she did such thing and you did not respond, so that makes you an absent parent. Yeah and used a paper where you do not live or you receive. I understand you are paying your childsupport, and the courts were proabably not aware of it, being that you all are in different states. My question to you is have you contacted the Attorney General where you are paying your child support and asked them what if anything they might be able to do for you? Do not listen to the ignorance of some people, why and how you got your visitation the way you did is non of anybodies business. If you shall ever get your rights the right way you should get them is up too the courts. Another reason why your visitation was the way it was is because your child was very young at the time and probably because you all lived or were planning on living a distance away from each other. I again sugget you contact the Attorney General where you are paying your CS. Good Luck... If you want your rights and your child wants to get to know you I think if it is God's will you should get them... Take Care..

If you give up, that is your choice. Many people make missteps in visititation/custody and support. We are not judging you. We are assessing you objectively which you are not able to do.

1. Tell the court you do not approve.
2. Fight for visitation. You do not need a lawyer to do this. Many family courts either have family law facilitators or court clerks who will help you with the necessary paperwork.

If you give up on your child that easily there is nothing we can do to help you. Visitation issues are draining but if you want to see your child, you must fight and if you don't want the name changed, you must fight. If you have no more fight in you, then so be it. But if I were you I would fight.

I am so sad to see this story. I have a son who has been absolutely ripped away from me by my ex and her parents. My son and I had the best relationship, he was such a happy little boy. I decided right away when I found out I was going to be a father at 17, that I did not want a relationship with his mother. I have always seen him and quit school to get a job right then. When he was 3 1/2 I got married and had 2 other children and his mother went nuts. Although my son loves his step mother, brother and sister(that is really why she went nuts, because he loves everyone). Right then she filed a court case and everything else is just a disaster. She has said I have done everything from stalking her to threatening to buy a gun for her, at times she has made my son say bad things about me, but I don't blame him, like I said she is nuts. My son was destroyed by children's aid and the police (SHE called them 8 times and each time nothing happened to me because I did nothing wrong) but that still ruined my son. Sooooo, I took an access schedule and got screwed over. My son said he wanted the fighting to stop, and as soon as I heard him say that I signed anything that came my way, even though I was not in my best interest. Now my son has a medical condition and his mother said she will not give him the meds and treatment prescribed. She said this 2 days ago and will not communicate with me, I can't see or speak with my son. I am really scared because my son has had psychological issues lately (saying he hates his life)and I need to be there for him, he is only 8. I am writing today because I read the story above and although I don't understand why you would give up on your kids I do understand how you feel hopeless and that nobody listens. Even though I have made all my decisions in the best interest of my son, everyone says "the parents need to stop fighting". I don't do anything, all I say is I want to see him more and be informed of any speacial activities (which I voluntarily pay for) or special events he will have in his life. I am not a deadbeat dad and because his mother makes up lies all the time I am GENERALIZED. You would think I was a serial killer by the things she says.The sad part is that I live in Toronto Canada and this is happening here too.
I am a good dad and I shouldn't have to give up on my son. I have paid more than $50,000 to defend myself and all of that is just a distraction because my son loves me and his family and his mom can't stand it. PRETTY SAD IF YOU ASK ME. All I am asking everyone is to pay more attention, many mothers are not victims and are really just bitter and jealous but the more people protect these women before finding out the truth, the more real victims will suffer like my mother did.