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    Hpoole0527's Avatar
    Hpoole0527 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Mar 31, 2018, 09:28 PM
    Estranged brother claims to have hired PI to find me and my children
    I have been estranged from my family for nearly 2 years now after a fight to get my eldest daughter back into my life which is a long story short I was a minor and left her with them in hopes of taking her back once I had a stable situation. She is the product of unwanted attention from my older brother which was allowed to continue for years by grandmother. She does not know this at this time.

    My estranged brother barged into my home days after I got my daughter from school and scared me (I was always frightened of him) blackmailed me and took my daughter. I got her back again days later and have tried to keep them out of my life. They called DCFS claiming I wanted to harm my children and I was hearing voices and I had a gun in the home. So of course I have an open case at this point. I didn't hear from them for about a year until a few days ago I found out he was asking my only friend if he had heard from me. I have been paranoid and couldn't even trust my friends for this reason. Against my better judgement I sent a message over Facebook to tell him to stop trying to find my family.

    I received a message back claiming he has traced tens of thousands of dollars in grandmother's debt to me which is a load of garbage but this family knows how to get around paper trails. Also stating that I can't keep my daughter from them, that they miss her and I am depriving her of people who want her to thrive. He claimed he has hired a private investigator to find me and my family and that he has already looked into the school systems to find that my oldest was not in public school. I was homeschooling her for fear of them stalking her as well as the possibility of her being autistic.

    She has a case with harbor regional center proving she was in a toxic environment with those people, she has improved so incredibly in the past year and a half, improved in speech and social skills and academics. She was 8 years old and wetting the bed every night, couldn't tie her shoes or button her pants or feed herself or get ready for school and didn't do any of her homework since grandmother did it for her. (Apparently due to her guilt on how she was conceived) she had begun to show signs of turrets and tics and had a slur to her words which has all cleared up. She is now enrolled in public school due to DCFS involvement and their desire for her to do so.

    I need to know what, if anything, I can do to protect my family. His final claims are that he will come after me, press charges against me claiming grandmother doesn't want to but if I don't "respond in a mature manner" that he will do what she could not. Also that the PI and everything can go away, all depending on what I do. These absolutely feel like threats to me and I am diagnosed with anxiety via my therapist, grew up with depression living in that toxic household, and I am now looking for advice.

    Since I am here, I would also love to know if there is anything legal I can do at this point about my brother (not the same one who is threatening me he is half brother, I am not fearful of the one who raped me, I simply hate him and won't let him near me or my daughter, now all of my children) I know it is past the 10 year mark and I don't think I can get Justice, but something to know he won't be able to harm any other innocence.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855

    Apr 1, 2018, 06:22 AM
    Does DCFS know the whole story or just what your brother has told them? Specifically the paternity of your daughter? How do you support yourself and your family? How many other kids do you have? Ages please, kids, brothers, and YOU. Where were your parents in all of this? Please clarify the conflict between you and your OTHER brother. This was a well written horror story, but vague on real facts, but obviously with much emotions, and I would like to get the facts straight of this traumatic event.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646

    Apr 1, 2018, 07:05 AM
    Who has legal custody of the child in question?
    Hpoole0527's Avatar
    Hpoole0527 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Apr 1, 2018, 10:01 AM
    DCFS knows the basics as I did a cft meeting and they asked about my history. For years I could not tell anyone about the truth of my daughter, only in the last 2 years have I felt strong enough to tell people what I went through as I was quiet about the whole situation after trying to tell my friends while my daughter was still an infant and they admitted to not believing me. I do apologize about the vague details, I am writing all of this on my cell phone since I don't have a computer.

    I did tell DCFS several months ago who the true father of my eldest is. They did not ask to go into detail or give further information only telling me that my daughter deserves to know. I live with my partner, transgender of 27 who receives SSI and survivors and who also went through toxic upbringing. I am also in the process of getting a good paying job through the department of rehab referred through my therapist. As well as using the 2012 Nissan Sentra my babies God Mom acquired for me to do work for GrubHub and soon Lyft. With help from DCFS and harbor interfaith we got over being homeless the beginning of the year and are in a nice 2 bedroom apartment (which also means THEY don't know where we are.) We are all covered by medical and I have been on top of making sure everyone is healthy besides currently half the family having a cold.

    I am 25, my partner 27, my eldest 10, my twins 16 months. I grew up with grandmother, half brother, brother and sister. Mother died when I was 11 months old and father fled to Texas. I am the youngest, brother 11 months older, sister 2 years older, half brother at least 3 years older and he was dishonorably discharged from the army when my daughter was 2 years old. My conflict with my half brother is long and varied as I have been the black sheep in the family ever since I found a friend in my (at the time) neighbor who sheltered me in times of need and got me pets and gave me snacks and money on holidays and my birthdays. She remembers clearly many times when I would run to her door crying either because something happened at home or because my younger cousin punched or hit me. My grandmother's boyfriend of several years had begun molesting me and my sister when I was 11. It took a while before it became obvious and he was kicked out of the home and my uncle with his abusive 3 kids moved into the home. I don't know why but he was allowed to bring with him a dresser drawer full of unmarked porn and eventually threw away a ton of "in the family" books which of course his kids found and that led to more sexual behavior within the home. Because of my history with the boyfriend I was targeted and my grandmother's excuse was always that my brother didn't know what he was doing and because of his asbergers/autism as well as her long work hours. This is all things that made me a black sheep and I retaliated by unfortunately stealing from grandmother. My half brother adores her and this made him become harsh with me. He would threaten my pets, force me to clean until things were literally spotless, and force me to do the type of training he did in the army. Finally when I was 14 even though I was in severe denial it was found that I was pregnant. Which also made me a Target for my sister who was a runaway multiple times and who was trying to get pregnant before 16. Everyone thought of my brother as an angel so of course I was the terrible one for hating him and not wanting him near me. Even today they shelter him and help him any way they can. I don't know what it was, perhaps my fear of the family, or trauma, but even at the hospital giving birth I had nurses and doctors ridiculing me because I had to claim I didn't know who the father was, that it was a friend from school. Which was easy for people to believe since my sister had basically been, for lack of better term, a school slut. The day I came home with my daughter my grandmother took her and tried to hand her to my brother to hold and I threatened to not come out of the car if that happened. Since my half brother was paying for all her equipment at the time I was constantly being told to "act like a good mom" whenever he was around. Even now they try to claim I'm a horrible Mom and told my partner this the first day they met her.

    Honestly there is so much more I can say but I would need to access a computer to type it all out. But thank you so much for responding, I hope I've given the correct information and if not please just ask. Also I have full custody of all my children, there was only ever a verbal agreement that they would care for her when I was still a minor.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855

    Apr 1, 2018, 11:33 AM
    Thank you so much for your added input and my apologies if I seemed harsh or didn't believe you. I actually have a great deal of empathy for your situation with your dysfunctional family and it's heartening to hear YOU have not given into the stress you have to be under and are working to overcome those wounds you suffered.

    From where I sit, from what you have written, you are already on a good path of healing and redemption, and correct me if I misread where YOU have custody of your daughterS, so anything your brother, or his PI does has to go through the court, or it's patently ILLEGAL. The issue seems to be you are afraid of what your brother can do with this PI, but with DCFS involved, as long as you stay away from your family, and stick to your plan, your efforts should prevail in a court of law with documentation of facts, and maybe a restraining order, or cease and desist order may have to be issued. Your case worker can best advise you on this kind of legal action, and important that you let them know of any threats your brother throws at you. Stay focused and don't let his threats intimidate you or distract you, or lead you to any bad or impulsive actions that can undermine your efforts to achieve your goal of making a safe, healthy, and happy environment for YOUR kids and partner.

    Quite the challenge, but you seem to have risen above other challenges before, so just continue to hang in there, while you go through the system, and let the process work. You may bear many emotional scars that say where you have been, but those scars don't have to define where you are going. Be confident you are doing the right thing, and have NO fear of the pathetic brother that life has given you. Screw him and his PI! He's but another challenge to overcome. Keep your eyes on the goal and not the obstacles.

    Much Luck

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