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    Drrock's Avatar
    Drrock Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 11, 2006, 07:19 AM
    Child support
    HEllo, My wife and I have a 17 yr old son. We live in Wa state. Our son has always had behavioral problems, 2 yrs ago he started threatening his younger brotherand sister and us as well. His maternal grandmother and Aunt offered to take him in, so we gave guardianship over to them. They live in MAine. Now the state of Maine has been coming after me for child support because his aunt applied for tanf. She told them she did not want to puesue state enforced support from us. However they told her if she did not she would lose all benefits even for her own children. Ok so they have been garnishing my wages Now they have given up their guardianship and he is now a ward of the state in a group home. I have recently lost my job and have to move to another state to get work. My question is If My son would be in the same situation if he was with us why are they coming after me so aggressively and why is it that the State can literally impose poverty on his siblings byt there actions to collect money from us? Do I have any legal recourse here at all?
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #2

    Dec 11, 2006, 07:30 AM
    Until he is 18 you are responsible for his support. What you are suggesting is that taxpayers bear the burden for supporting him. Why should the taxpayers in Maine be charged for that support?

    The reason the state can do this is because its YOUR respo0nsibility not the taxpaters.

    What you should have done, is, as soon as the aunt informed you she was applying for public assitance is either start contributing on your own or offer to work out an affordable support payment.

    Once you get a new job, contact the state and try to work out something with them. But if you don't and they find your new job (and they will), then will garnish you again.
    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,482, Reputation: 2992
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    #3

    Dec 11, 2006, 07:33 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Drrock
    My question is If My son would be in the same situation if he was with us why are they coming after me so agressively and why is it that the State can literally impose poverty on his siblings byt there actions to collect money from us? Do I have any legal recourse here at all?
    Hello Drrock:

    If your son lived with you, you would have to support him. He now lives somewhere else, and you still have to support him. The state can impose poverty on his siblings because it probably cost a lot more to keep him in a public/group home than in yours.

    I'm sorry you have to pay - but better YOU than me. If he's in a public home and you don't pay, I have to, so keep those checks rolling in.

    excon
    Drrock's Avatar
    Drrock Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Dec 11, 2006, 09:19 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ScottGem
    Until he is 18 you are responsible for his support. What you are suggesting is that taxpayers bear the burden for supporting him. Why should the taxpayers in Maine be charged for that support?

    The reason the state can do this is because its YOUR respo0nsibility not the taxpaters.

    What you should have done, is, as soon as the aunt informed you she was applying for public assitance is either start contributing on your own or offer to work out an affordable support payment.

    Once you get a new job, contact the state and try to work out something with them. But if you don't and they find your new job (and they will), then will garnish you again.
    The question of my responsibility was never an issue. I tried to send support but the state did not want that, I tried the hearing route and was told that my financial situation was not acceptable evidence. And as far as the taxpayers I guess it is kind of a double edge sword huh? Because I f I have to go on Public assistance in another state. Then why should those taxpayers bear the burden of the Unfair collection practices of another state.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #5

    Dec 11, 2006, 09:30 AM
    Yes it is a double edged sword and one that govts have wrestled with for ages. Whether the practices are unfair or not I can't say. But deadbeat dads are a major problem for social services agencies, so they may tend to treat any child support situation harshly.
    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,482, Reputation: 2992
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    #6

    Dec 11, 2006, 09:47 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Drrock
    If I have to go on Public assistance in another state. then why should those taxpayers bear the burden of the Unfair collection practices of another state.
    Hello again Drrock:

    Poor you. You sound like YOU'RE the victim here. The state is screwing you over, so you have to go on welfare.

    Here's some truth. Your SON is a victim of your irresponsibility. Your OTHER CHILDREN are victims of YOUR irresponsibility. The TAXPAYERS are victims of your irresponsibility. And, finally, YOU yourself, are the victim of YOUR own irresponsibility.

    Here's an idea. How about going out in the cold, cold night and collect cans at the bottom of dirty stinkin dumpsters?? Why should you do that?? Uhhh, so your kids can eat, and so I don't have to pay for it!!

    excon
    Drrock's Avatar
    Drrock Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Dec 11, 2006, 10:48 AM
    Pretty harsh judgements for someone who doesn't even know me or all the facts. Were you born an ? Or did you work at it your whole life?
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #8

    Dec 11, 2006, 10:57 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Drrock
    pretty harsh judgements for someone who doesn't even know me or all the facts. were you born an ? or did you work at it your whole life?
    While I agree that excon's comments were on the harsh side, we can only go by what you tell us. Based on what you posted his comments were not totally out of line.

    However, your comments constitute a personal attack which is not tolerated here.


    Comments on this post
    AmandaMarie disagrees: This was very rude and unnessary answer


    First, may I call your attention to the suggested guidelines on using the comments feature found here:
    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

    A part of those guidelines is not to use a negative comment except if there is incorrect factual info. What excon posted was opinion. In my opinion, it was a valid opinion based on what was posted. Sometimes the answer to a question is not what the poster wants to here. The truth sometimes hurts. That doesn't mean the truth is any less valuable or that we should sugarcoat it.
    Drrock's Avatar
    Drrock Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Dec 11, 2006, 12:28 PM
    Well it is not the truth, I have gone hungry so my kids can eat, I have walked 10 miles in snow storms just so I could put in a full days work to support my family. Public assistance to me is an absolute last resort. All I'm saying is EXCON should be more careful about assuming people are irresponsible. If I broke the rules I apologize, But I took his comments as inflammatory.
    Drrock's Avatar
    Drrock Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Dec 11, 2006, 12:43 PM
    I guess I was hoping someone on here had been through a similar situation. I wasn't expecting to be labeled as a deadbeat DAd just because I would like to be able to provide equally for all my children. It is my belief that the Guidelines used are faulty and these things should be looked at on a case by case basis. Not a blanket one size fits all solution. Just as one example they base income on Gross PAy. Do you know anyone that takes home the Gross amount on their paycheck? Another example is when You do ask for a hearing to try to get a fair amount, the hearing officer works for the same Dept that is trying to prove their case. Is this fair and Impartial? I think not
    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,482, Reputation: 2992
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    #11

    Dec 11, 2006, 12:54 PM
    Hello again Drrock:

    My comments were inflammatory. They were meant to be. There was no personal animus, however, and my comments weren't rude. I know rude, when I see it. I wanted to wake you up. I don't think I succeeded.

    The fact is, when a parent can't feed their children and ask others to do so, that's irresponsible. It just is. You may call it something else. But you can call a duck an elephant too. I'm sure you have very good reasons you're irresponsible, but that doesn't change the irresponsibility part.

    I'm not holding myself up as better than you. I've had my share of troubles, and I always haven't been able to DO, what I caution other people to DO. But my kids always ate, and they did it on me - even when I was in prison.

    I don't know what happened with your relative in Maine. You should have made ABSOLUTELY sure that enough money was sent to her every month to provide for your son. You didn't. Call it what you want. I call it irresponsible.

    It's cool. I've been irresponsible before. But I recognize WHEN those times have been.

    excon

    PS> You don't owe me any apology, dude. Take care of your children. That's apology enough.
    Drrock's Avatar
    Drrock Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Dec 11, 2006, 01:05 PM
    That's the thing dude, I did make sure enough was being sent. For My Son. This all came about when she applied for benefits for her own kids. She had to declare all members of the houshold. And The were going to deny her benefits unless she went through the system with me. And they wanted more than I was sending.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #13

    Dec 11, 2006, 01:07 PM
    I didn't say it was the truth nor that you were a deadbeat dad. But based on what you told us, excon's answer was not out of line. I referred to deadbeat dads as an explanation, not an excuse of why the state might be less willing to negotiate.

    I agree that you do not act responsibly in parts of this situation. The main point is, if the aunt needed more money to support your son, then you should have provided it without her going for public assistance. Once you abdicated that responsibility you opened yourself to what ensued.

    I do agree that they should look at each case individually, but you have to deal with what they give you. Go up the line, speak to supervisors, talk to local politicians in both areas. Talk to the press. Do whatever is necessary to grease the wheels to get a reasonable settlement.
    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,482, Reputation: 2992
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    #14

    Dec 11, 2006, 04:29 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Drrock
    I did make sure enough was being sent for My Son............. And they wanted more than I was sending.
    Hello again Drrock:

    You're not picking up what Scott and I are laying down. Here again, it's somebody else's fault. Not yours. You're still the victim.

    Take a look at the two statements you gave. You said it was enough, as though we're supposed to believe that it actually was. But apparently somebody disagreed with you Ė a state agency perhaps, who was seeing to your child's welfare, because, apparently, somebody wasn't. And you, apparently, didn't do anything about it. So, the state filled in for you, so your kid could eat. You let them do that. You also said earlier, that the state wouldn't take your money. So you, apparently, STOPPED sending money and let the STATE do YOUR job for you. You only complain about it here, when they actually find you and try to get some of THEIR/MY money back. You continue to protest that they did something TO you. You don't like it, and it's not fair. You SAY that you acted responsibly and you're going to continue that fiction till the end of time. I got it.

    Nonetheless, I maintain, that if you were INDEED, responsible, this whole thing would NOT have happened to you. It just wouldn't have.

    I know, I know - you're innocent. I'm the bad guy here. S'cool. I've been the bad guy before.

    excon

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