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    daustin64's Avatar
    daustin64 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 2, 2008, 06:17 PM
    My child
    My fiancÚ wants my son out of our home when he turns 18 in Feb 15th. My son is adhd, anxiety and depressive. I disagree with my fiancÚ. We both own our land and home. We have been battling with this problem. What would be the right thing to do?
    stinawords's Avatar
    stinawords Posts: 2,071, Reputation: 150
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    #2

    Nov 2, 2008, 06:24 PM

    I can't really tell you what the right thing to do is because that is up to you. That being said, if both your and your fiance's name is on the deed then your son can stay if you want him to.
    daustin64's Avatar
    daustin64 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Nov 2, 2008, 07:03 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by stinawords View Post
    I can't really tell you what the right thing to do is because that is up to you. That being said, if both your and your fiance's name is on the deed then your son can stay if you want him to.
    Thank You:)
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,268, Reputation: 7689
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    #4

    Nov 2, 2008, 08:01 PM

    But then and I don't mean this wrong is your son funtional, is there any reason he can not either go to college or go to work ?

    If you don't want him still living that at 30, you need to plan to get him to transition into living on his own at some point.
    stinawords's Avatar
    stinawords Posts: 2,071, Reputation: 150
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    #5

    Nov 3, 2008, 07:26 AM

    If he turns 18 in feb. then he will still have to finish out high school before he can go to college though. I agree that there should be some sort of limit but if he is still in school that could set him up for failure to kick him out half way through his senior year.
    daustin64's Avatar
    daustin64 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Nov 27, 2008, 08:10 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    But then and I don't mean this wrong is your son functional, is there any reason he can not either go to college or go to work ?

    If you don't want him still living that at 30, you need to plan to get him to transition into living on his own at some point.
    Yes, my son and I came to an agreement that because he's not 18 yet and can't get a job with out having his G.E.D. then he has to go back to school. My son does have ADHD, depression and anxiety as well as for an example: if I go to the store, he worries about me till I come home. He goes to counseling 2-3 x's a mo. He has to have a one on one person to teach him. If he gets punished for something he did wrong, we have to have him explain to us what he did wrong and why he's grounded for it. I am not trying to stand for my son but I feel that he needs to be mature enough to be able to take care of himself because I won't be here forever.
    It's hard, I feel I'm torn between my son and My fiance' , whom I love both of them. I wish I had some advice from some one as to what can I do?
    stinawords's Avatar
    stinawords Posts: 2,071, Reputation: 150
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    #7

    Nov 27, 2008, 08:44 PM

    I'm not a doctor but that sounds like more than ADHD and Anxiety and Depression. My little brother (who is 16 years younger than me) also has ADHD so I know how hard that can be and his is pretty bad but even he dosen't need one on one teaching for everything. You may want to have your son evaluated again because there may be some state help available. My cousin has Turrets Syndrome and because of that he is allowed extra time for certain things at school, though just the knowledge that he has that time helps enough that he NEVER uses it and has even been enrolled in a couple honors classes now that he is in HS. As much as I don't want to say you have to choose... that is really your choice. This is a legal board so as I said before if your name is also on the deed or lease of the house your son can stay as long as you want him to.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,687, Reputation: 1438
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    #8

    Nov 28, 2008, 12:35 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by stinawords View Post
    I'm not a doctor but that sounds like more than ADHD and Anxiety and Depression. My little brother (who is 16 years younger than me) also has ADHD so I know how hard that can be and his is pretty bad but even he dosen't need one on one teaching for everything. You may want to have your son evaluated again because there may be some state help available. My cousin has Turrets Syndrome and because of that he is allowed extra time for certain things at school, though just the knowledge that he has that time helps enough that he NEVER uses it and has even been enrolled in a couple honors classes now that he is in HS. As much as I don't want to say you have to choose... that is really your choice. This is a legal board so as I said before if your name is also on the deed or lease of the house your son can stay as long as you want him to.
    I agree 100% with what Stina is saying. It doesn't sound like he has received the proper evaluation at this time. Im not a doctor but he sounds autistic to me from what your describing. Autism comes in many degrees but it can include everything you have said. Maybe its time to ask different questions and see if the enswers are the same or different so your son can get the maximum help he needs.

    http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer
    momof4and1's Avatar
    momof4and1 Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #9

    Nov 28, 2008, 01:02 PM

    My son has the same issues. He has always needed to be informed of things going on in his life with a lot of notice so he can prepare himself. Is your child going to be in school still? If not, maybe starting now with making sure he is in touch with the way he needs to handle finances and things. You are the only ones who are going ot be able to choose if he is ready, but your fiancÚ needs to have an open mind. You don't wan to send your child out into the world unprepared and find yourself having to rescue him from himself in a few months. Also if he fails, it could make him feel worse about himself and could be too traumatic in the end.
    daustin64's Avatar
    daustin64 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Dec 7, 2008, 09:21 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by momof4and1 View Post
    My son has the same issues. He has always needed to be informed of things going on in his life with alot of notice so he can prepare himself. Is your child going to be in school still? If not, maybe starting now with making sure he is in touch with the way he needs to handle finances and things. You are the only ones who are going ot be able to choose if he is ready, but your fiance needs to have an open mind. You don't wan to send your child out into the world unprepared and find yourself having to rescue him from himself in a few months. Also if he fails, it could make him feel worse about himself and could be too traumatic in the end.


    You all have been a very big help and I thank all of you. I am going to be getting more evaluation on my son. I know he feels that no one cares about him. I have to wait now till he comes home. He's gotten himself into some trouble, he's been incarcerated and I'm not sure what's going to happen now. I'm at my state of mind that I am so worn out. I refuse to give up on my son. Any mother would feel the same. I know no one is perfect.
    I feel that my son may be bipolar. It definatley runs in my family. I know the system just isn't fair. My son was with some 18 yr old was talked into stealing a dirt bike. My son is 17 of course and I was told in NY state that from 16 up will be tried as an adult. I can't afford an Atty and he was appointed an Atty, He couldn't take my son because it was a conflict. So he had another Atty from out of Buffalo. Well he didn't show and the Judge fired him. The 18 yrs old's Atty took my son. Well my son was brought to court and didn't know what was going on. He stood in front of the Judge and signed a paper as the Judge was saying this is not going to rial and is going to the Jury. That was that. I spoke to this same Atty that is for this 18 yr old and he says that my son will do 4 to 6 mo. With shock. So just this past Saturday I went to visit my son in the Livingston County jail in Geneseo NY and I had asked him did the Atty speak with you? My son said no mom I don't know what's going on at all, do you? I said the Atty said you'll get 4 to 6 with shock.
    Then right there my son lost it. He cried and cried and says I can deal with the time but not the shock.
    My son knows he did wrong and has to be punished for it. He turned himself in as well as he made sure the item was returned. He spoke the truth to the authorities as in his statement. I feel my son is not getting treated fairly. I have to find out why he doesn't have a youthful offender.
    As soon as my son comes home he will get better treatment as to finding more about his problem.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #11

    Dec 8, 2008, 05:55 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by daustin64 View Post

    You all have been a very big help and I thank all of you. I am gonna be getting more evaluation on my son. I know he feels that no one cares about him. I have to wait now till he comes home. He's gotten himself into some trouble, he's been incarcerated and I'm not sure what's gonna happen now. I'm at my state of mind that I am so worn out. I refuse to give up on my son. Any mother would feel the same. I know no one is perfect.
    I feel that my son may be bipolar. It definatley runs in my family. I know the system just isn't fair. My son was with some 18 yr old was talked into stealing a dirt bike. My son is 17 of course and I was told in NY state that from 16 up will be tried as an adult. I can't afford an Atty and he was appointed an Atty, He couldn't take my son because it was a conflict. So he had another Atty from out of Buffalo. Well he didn't show and the Judge fired him. The 18 yrs old's Atty took my son. Well my son was brought to court and didn't know what was going on. He stood in front of the Judge and signed a paper as the Judge was saying this is not going to rial and is going to the Jury. That was that. I spoke to this same Atty that is for this 18 yr old and he says that my son will do 4 to 6 mo. with shock. So just this past Saturday I went to visit my son in the Livingston County jail in Geneseo NY and I had asked him did the Atty speak with you? My son said no mom I don't know what's going on at all, do you? I said the Atty said you'll get 4 to 6 with shock.
    Then right there my son lost it. He cried and cried and says I can deal with the time but not the shock.
    My son knows he did wrong and has to be punished for it. He turned himself in as well as he made sure the item was returned. He spoke the truth to the authorities as in his statement. I feel my son is not getting treated fairly. I have to find out why he doesn't have a youthful offender.
    As soon as my son comes home he will get better treatment as to finding more about his problem.


    This is somewhat confusing - a matter cannot skip trial and go directly to a jury. I have no idea what the Judge said unless he was referring to the Grand Jury but that makes no sense either.

    Are you certain he wasn't sentenced as a juvenile offender? I would call the Attorney and ask questions concerning the how and why and also ask how to get treatment for your son - including a diagnosis of whether he is or isn't bipolar - while he's in custody.

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