Can I stop paying child support if the mother is blowing the money on herself?
Asked Mar 7, 2012, 03:13 PM
I am a non-custodial parent and the mother will not let me see my child. Also I am barely making enough money (working full time) after paying child to even rent a one bedroom place or support myself. The mother of the child works full time, lives in low income housing, gets food stamps, WIC, and has a new boyfriend who works full time as well. I feel that she abusing the child support money and wasting it on stupid stuff while living it up using my money and the money from tax returns on herself. Is there any way possible that I can stop paying child support or make her show receipts of everything she uses the money on down to the exact penny and turn it in to the state each month? For crying out loud she just bought a new car, has gone to multiple concerts in the last month, is a drinker (not an acoholic), and is just blowing money that I really could use to go to college or better my own life. I am 24. Have no car. No college education. It just doesn't seem right... PLEASE HELP!
First, child support is paid to the custodial parent to help raise the child. There doesn't have to be an accounting of what the mother is spending the money on. Unless the child is not being properly cared for.
If you feel that your child support is unfair, then go back to court and ask for a modification. If you can prove that the mother is spending money unwisely, prove it to the court.
If you aren't getting visitation, is there a court ordered visitation agreement? Then ask the court to enforce it.
If you want a full accounting (something I believe in) your going to need to start in your local government and have the laws changed. On visitation issues you need to go to court and request it. Once a judge has ruled on it then you can enjoy custody of your child and later depending on the state you live in get a reduction in child support. Not all states are like that but some are as a way to balance the scales for time spent with the child and the added expenses.
As far as not being able to rent a place. The courts don't care about that. They just care if the money stops. So to change things be more proactive with your child.
too bad men can't give birth... or I would have just popped her out myself. I've just recently moved back in with my parents and will soon be working two jobs to get back on my feet, get a car, pay off child support owed, and save enough to get a place for a couple months when I move back until I find a couple jobs that give me enough hours to live off. I'm not really sure of what the laws are regarding me living in Michigan now and my child and her mother living in South Dakota still... pretty sure the mother is always in favor of the court because it seems like men have no rights and have to work 4x's as hard to even get visitation rights (that is if she is cooporative and abides by the courts decision). As far as the mother using the money for my daughter on junk... its a bunch of crap. Women should have to prove what the spend it on whether it be bills or whatever... just as men have to prove how bad they want their children.. so should the mother. Funny thing is.. is that her whole family (sister, aunt, mother, and mothers bf) are all living in low income housing, and getting funding from everyone else's tax money. Some people just abuse welfare to the full extent. Anyone know of ways to get partial custody? My parents (whom are ordained ministers of a non-prodestant church) have not yet been able to see my daughter and she is already 15 months old. Just doesn't seem very fair to me or my family. Anything that I can watch out for and use against the mother in court... or how I should go about doing that exactly?
First, yes it is true that mothers tend to be favored, that doesn't mean that fathers can't assert their rights. And in all your ranting, I see very little real information.
Again, it doesn't matter what the mother spends on as long as the child is properly cared for. And nowhere do you discuss that. Nor do you discuss what you have done to try to see your child. You also don't tell us how the two of you came to have a child, how old you are, how long you were together, etc.
So far all you have done is whine about your own predicament. Not a word about your child. Not a word about background. Not a word about what you have done to be a father.
I'm not unsympathetic. But if you want our help you need to give us more to help with.
You can not block a person from answering your question. This is a public forum. Also you can't delete a post. There is a "report" area that is near the top of the comment and you can report a comment if it doesn't meet this sites guidelines and it will be removed.
how do i delete answers or block certain people from answering?
From this and the fact that my answer got an unhelpful rating, I assume you were the one rating it. From that and your other responses, it appears you don't really want help, you just want someone who will tell you what a bad deal you have gotten. Well that's not how this site works. We try to help with the real problem, not just make you feel good.
So I will say to you again, if you want to give us information that can be used to help us help you, then do so, if you just want us to agree with you, try another site. We don't appreciate people who give negative ratings just because they didn't like the answer.
Everyone has to fight for their kids when it comes to court. It doesn't matter who you are in court with, you have to prove you are the more fit parent. You have to prove that the child would be better off with you - the most important thing is to start slow. No judge would award you full custody right away unless you already have a strong bond with your children.
If you go to court, be accommodating. No matter how much you want to argue with your children's mother, you don't. You make a reasonable request of the judge. If your kids don't know you at all, reasonable would be supervised visits once or twice a week. (My ex sexually abused my daughter and even he was awarded that). You make EVERY visit, never be late, and you build a relationship with your child. Keep that up for about six months and then go back to court and ask for one evening a week unsupervised and one evening supervised. Take it slow, don't ask for everything all at once.
If you have never been involved in your child's life, you have a lot to prove, both to the judge and to your child. If you have been involved in your child's life, and your child wants to see you, I can't imagine any judge not giving at least weekends. As long as you have never harmed the children at all.
The very last thing you want to do in court is complain about paying child support. It is costing the mother much more to raise the kids than it is for you to put in your 10% or however much it is.
The final thing is that you should always consider the child's best interests. It is in the child's best interest to have a loving, devoted DEPENDABLE father. Only you can know for sure if you fit that description. If you can't be that, don't push for something you can't commit to.
I find this requirement very necessary but very annoying and highly unfair. I am a father of a 9 year old boy. I love him more than life itself. I had to fight tooth and nail for joint custody. Legal and physical. I have him 3 -4 nights a week. I do homework, teach him the man things and a lot of the woman things. I cut his nails, hair, buy all of his clothes, school supplies and whatever else he needs. I showed the courts this proof. I am the one who picks him up, drops him off. Transport him to all of his extra curricular activities. He has been on my insurance since he was 6 months old. And on top of that I pay $100 a week for child support that she drinks or smokes the money up within hours of her receiving it from me. This rant may sound self serving, but I am doing what a parent is supposed to do and then some and I am still forced to pay. I grew up without my dad being in the picture regularly and know that my mom needed help, monetary and physical help and she received very little so I know why they have these laws... but I don't have to like it . Something needs to be done about this BS cause to us fathers who are there in every way... it is unfair!!
My mother got re-married and had my little brother with this man. He is now 10, I'm 15 and my sister is 17. (Our father pays child support but not on a regular basis, you can't depend on it)
About 3 years ago they separated and got a divorce. We had custody of him. Then my brothers father filed...
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