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    SteelerPP's Avatar
    SteelerPP Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 31, 2008, 05:12 PM
    BABY DADDY Fighting for Parental Rights and baby live part-time with his wife / kids
    I have been in an extra-marital relationship for six months with a man who was "leaving" his wife. He told me repeatedly that they were living as roommates and he was moving out soon. Once this went on for some time, I decided I was worth more and broke up with him.

    I found out a few days later that I am pregnant with his child. I know it is his kid as I have not been sleeping with anyone else.

    We have been talking about what to do and I instructed him to tell his wife before we determined next steps. He has told her (but not his two kids), and she is determining whether she wants to stay with him Meanwhile, he is adamant that I not have an abortion. However, he is also insistent that I share custody with him and have my baby stay at his house (and possibly with his family) part of the time.

    When I said that would make me uncomfortable, he exclaimed, "Then you can expect a fight". So I am wondering, do I have a chance in getting full custody with child support, and only supervised visits?
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,970, Reputation: 6056
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    #2

    Mar 31, 2008, 05:24 PM
    Probably not. I don't see the father as a danger to the child and that's the only reason for supervised visits. You might be able to restrict vists while its still an infant, especially if you breast feed. But once the child is weaned, there doesn't appear to be any reason to deny him reasonable visitation.

    I would, however, consult an attorney who can research the full story.
    charlotte234s's Avatar
    charlotte234s Posts: 1,903, Reputation: 143
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    #3

    Mar 31, 2008, 05:40 PM
    Yes, you do have a chance at full custody with child support and only supervised visits. You will have to get an attorney probably to fight this slimeball in court.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #4

    Mar 31, 2008, 05:42 PM
    There is no way he will be able to take your baby. I think he is putting up a smoke screen and if he already has a family and a wife I don't think you will be hearing from very much after you have the baby. However, take him to court for child support.
    twinkiedooter's Avatar
    twinkiedooter Posts: 12,172, Reputation: 1054
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    #5

    Mar 31, 2008, 06:05 PM
    You not only have a chance, but a very good chance of getting just that. I would suggest that you don't keep seeing this guy as he is never going to leave his wife if he came up with that kind of a scenerio and the kid's not even here. Think about it for more than a second and you will see that you are really wasting your time with this two timing loser.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,269, Reputation: 7690
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    #6

    Mar 31, 2008, 06:42 PM
    It is up to the courts, it is very common for fathers to get joint custody, esp if they live in the same area, with the time with the baby spent between the father and the mother, and why would you feel funny about the child spending 1/2 of its time with their father??

    Now often for an infant the mother may get the custody for a period, with joint to start when the child is a little older also.

    But you may want to check with an attorney and see what your local courts are doing, joint custody is becoming more and more common all around the US
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,970, Reputation: 6056
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    #7

    Mar 31, 2008, 07:30 PM
    I can't believe the answers you are getting. Will you get primary physical custody? Most likely! Will you get full or sole legal custody? Unlikely! Will you get child support? Probably! Will you limit him to supervised visits? Unlikely!

    The situation is you have a father who wants to be a part of his child's life. No court is going to deny him that unless he represents a danger to the child. And I don't think, based on what you have said, that is the case.
    GV70's Avatar
    GV70 Posts: 2,918, Reputation: 283
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    #8

    Apr 1, 2008, 06:51 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by SteelerPP
    When I said that would make me uncomfortable, he exclaimed, "Then you can expect a fight". So I am wondering, do I have a chance in getting full custody with child support, and only supervised visits?
    Not,of course!! Supervised visitations are required if the parent is a real danger to the child.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #9

    Apr 1, 2008, 07:34 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by SteelerPP
    I have been in an extra-marital relationship for six months with a man who was "leaving" his wife. He told me repeatedly that they were living as roommates and he was moving out soon. Once this went on for some time, I decided I was worth more and broke up with him.

    I found out a few days later that I am pregnant with his child. I know it is his kid as I have not been sleeping with anyone else.

    We have been talking about what to do and I instructed him to tell his wife before we determined next steps. He has told her (but not his two kids), and she is determining whether she wants to stay with him Meanwhile, he is adamant that I not have an abortion. However, he is also insistent that I share custody with him and have my baby stay at his house (and possibly with his family) part of the time.

    When I said that would make me uncomfortable, he exclaimed, "Then you can expect a fight". So I am wondering, do I have a chance in getting full custody with child support, and only supervised visits?


    You instructed him to tell his wife about the baby?

    If you want an abortion it's your decision - he can't stop you under the law.

    And, yes, he's the father and unless he's a danger to the child he will have unrestricted visitation rights and during those rights he can take the child anywhere safe - including to his house to visit with his wife and his other children.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #10

    Apr 1, 2008, 07:35 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by charlotte234s
    Yes, you do have a chance at full custody with child support and only supervised visits. You will have to get an attorney probably to fight this slimeball in court.


    Sorry, don't agree - see no need for supervised visitation.

    If the married man having the affair on the wife is a slimeball, what category does the "other woman" fall into? Maybe she was foolish, maybe she showed poor judgment but I don't like the name calling.
    SteelerPP's Avatar
    SteelerPP Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Apr 1, 2008, 08:21 AM
    My concern is how my child would feel being in his house with his family on a part time basis, especially since they would all know the circumstances behind his/her conception and birth. If he were not living with his wife I would have no problem with shared custody.

    Of course, he won't tell me how his wife feels about having my child in her house on a regular basis, though I would assume she has an opinion.

    I am not pointing fingers at his infidelity, nor to I not accept my responsibility in this matter. I am merely seeking advice about what is best for the child.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #12

    Apr 1, 2008, 08:40 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by SteelerPP
    My concern is how my child would feel being in his house with his family on a part time basis, especially since they would all know the circumstances behind his/her conception and birth. If he were not living with his wife I would have no problem with shared custody.

    Of course, he won't tell me how his wife feels about having my child in her house on a regular basis, though I would assume she has an opinion.

    I am not pointing fingers at his infidelity, nor to I not accept my responsibility in this matter. I am merely seeking advice about what is best for the child.


    No matter how your child will feel about the situation or what the wife will do or think those are not factors in deciding custody and/or visitation. If he didn't live with the wife there is always the possibility the woman in the next relationship would have mixed feelings about your child.

    His wife will probably also not be thrilled that he will be paying support for your child, money which I suppose she will view as being taken away from her children.

    You can certainly bring these questions up at a custody hearing but, quite frankly, I don't think the Court will even listen to them. If down the road the child is mistreated - physically, emotionally - by his/her father and stepfamily, then you could certain go back to Court for another custody/visitation arrangement.

    (I wasn't criticizing you, by the way - you were straight with the story. I just find name calling inflammatory and serving no purpose)
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    froggy7 Posts: 1,801, Reputation: 242
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    #13

    Apr 1, 2008, 08:39 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
    I wasn't criticizing you, by the way - you were straight with the story. I just find name calling inflammatory and serving no purpose
    I agree with Judy here. We yell at fathers all the time because they want their girlfriends to get abortions or refuse to pay child support. And then we call them "slimeballs" because they want to be part of their child's life?

    This man has every right to be a part of his kid's life. That means visitation and getting to know the rest of his family... stepmother, step-kids, everyone. It's really no different than if you two were together, you got pregnant, split up, and then he met someone new and started a new family with that person.

    Just about the only way I can see you keeping him out of the kid's life is if you both agree to put the baby up for adoption. If you don't want to do that, then I would start looking for amicable ways to co-parent.
    nya's Avatar
    nya Posts: 55, Reputation: 8
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    #14

    Apr 1, 2008, 09:21 PM
    Hi Steeler,

    We don't know all the circumstances surrounding your situation. Is he threatening to take away your child because he feels you are a danger to the unborn child for some reason that we don't know about? If he files a case against you in family court with absolutely no reason to show why the child should not reside with you, then you more than likely will get primary/residential custody of the child. Now if he can show proof that you are a drug using, abusive person,etc... then a judge may give him primary/residential custody. If no other reason exists besides him wanting to force you into a shared custody agreement, then he maybe willing to drag you back and forth to court to try to get a judge to agree with him on the arrangement. He may want the child to reside with him part time because there are cases where if the child resides with both parents 50/50 child support will not be awarded to either parent. I'm not saying this is the case but it maybe a motive for this type of agreement. Or you may go to court and the visitation agreement will in detail explain his visitation schedule, child support amount (plus retro) and whether custody is sole or shared. I find that mothers often become afraid when fathers threaten to take their child away. I find this amusing becz if you have done nothing but be a good mother to your child and taken care of your child, no one can take your child away. That can only happen if you have done something to abuse, neglect or abandon your child. If you are a good mother, I wouldn't worry about him taking the child. But, you should be very careful of the father, he probably knows you are ignorant of the law and he probably has some knowledge and feels he can throw around threats to scare you. Don't react, find out if his threats are valid. I would suggest keeping records, receipts, documents... anything pertaining to the baby as I feel, he will take you to court regarding visitation and you should keep excellent records regarding the baby and expenses you have. And when he drags you to court regarding visitation, make sure you bring up the subject of child support, retro child support, medical/dental/life insurance, daycare expenses and the issue of filing the child on the tax return. Just some suggestions... good luck.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,970, Reputation: 6056
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    #15

    Apr 2, 2008, 05:31 AM
    You can certainly request that the wife be interviewed prior to a judge's decision. Not sure if it will be granted, but it's a reasonable request. But, unless you can show something definite that will be detrimental to the child, I doubt if a judge will listen. Lots of kids survive the situation you are in (child splitting time with a not so receptive step parent).
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #16

    Apr 2, 2008, 05:35 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ScottGem
    You can certainly request that the wife be interviewed prior to a judge's decision. Not sure if it will be granted, but its a reasonable request. But, unless you can show something definite that will be detrimental to the child, I doubt if a judge will listen. Lots of kids survive the situation you are in (child splitting time with a not so receptive step parent).

    Interview of step parent is a good idea if they will allow it - recently the request has started to be refused locally and a Judge actually said - in the course of the Hearing - that the father would be in the child's life forever but the stepmother "might" be transitory.

    If you thought there were problems between the father and his wife before the hearing you can only imagine what happened after! I think the stepmother thought the father had said something to that effect and I really don't think he had. I think it was the Judge's off the cuff opinion.

    (I was there because the mother was trying to prove the father was unfit. It worked out the other way around.)
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    #17

    Apr 2, 2008, 01:37 PM
    You don't stand a chance!
    The only way a court system is going to deem out anything like that is if you can prove he is harmful towards that child in anyway.. and sadly since he already has children living with him, and I doubt there's any thing bending with CAS with that.. you have nothing. SO wha tif it makes you uncomfertable, you choose to lay with him just as much as he choose to lay with you, BOTH of you created this child, why shouldn't he have rights to it?
    You new he was cheating, no matter what you say you new unless you a nieve person, then that's a different ball game. Both of you created this mess.. dont blame the child for it. That child deserves BOTH parents in its life no matter how much you two many grow apart or get uncomfertable etc...
    Children deserve what is BEST not what makes you feel better... You're an adult, you made an adult dissicion... now begin to act like it..
    Eventually you'll get over the uncomfertableness.. and if you don't.. then arrange for him to pick The child up some where nutral.. and drop the child off somewhere nutral.. so you don't need to be involved in the :other family"... children have rights too...

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