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    twitapated's Avatar
    twitapated Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 1, 2009, 09:02 AM
    Am I being manipulated regarding child support for 2 children
    I have been divorced for three years, me and my ex husband have joint custody of our two children, although I have guardianship and they reside with me full time. When we divorced our children were 5 and 8 months, and the situation was working out fine. Now he has remarried and now the situation has changed. He does pay for the medical expenses for the children but hey are never sick so that cost is low, also he pays 350.00 for two children for support. The children are now 9 and 3 and have other expenses  like soccer and dance that he refuses to contribute. The original decree stated that we were supposed to revisit the agreement each year to make any changes needed. We can never do that because each time I try to address it he tells me about all his new bills he has now that he is married. I am a military mother and I have remarried also I was called to active duty for a year as a reservist but when I return my salary will go back to 32,000 dollars. I have asked him to consider letting me cover the girls medically to assist  him in his financial woes but he insist on keeping that cost so what do I do, the expenses for the children grow each year, should I just leave things alone or modify the custody agreement to request more support. :confused
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,919, Reputation: 5431
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    #2

    Apr 1, 2009, 09:17 AM

    Do you need his approval before you take him to court to make adjustments to the support situation? Do you have an attorney? Discuss this with him/her.
    twitapated's Avatar
    twitapated Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Apr 1, 2009, 09:49 AM
    I get what you are saying, I think my concern is that I don't want to insert ruffles into a situation that for the most part appears to be okay on the surface, I do have a lawyer and she is just waiting for me to make a decisionone way or the other. I don't need his permission but each time I try to talk about this like adults he responds with his obligations in his new marriage. I guess I know what I have to do I just wanted to know if I had a legal ground to stand on or not
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #4

    Apr 1, 2009, 08:14 PM

    I would be kind but clear with him and say, "Dave, as you know our decree calls for us to revise our child support arrangements annually as needed, and some adjustments need to be made. I understand you have concerns about changing it, as do I, but the children are getting older and this is just something that needs to be done. I'd like to work with you cooperatively, but if you are not open to seriously considering changes, I will need to go through the legal system. I wanted to give you the opportunity to work with me before aI take that next step because, as you know, involving the lawyers is expensive." Be ready to go back to court for modification. You are divorced, so your chances of working this out directly are not good - if you could work that well together, you'd probably still be married!
    stevetcg's Avatar
    stevetcg Posts: 3,693, Reputation: 353
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    #5

    Apr 2, 2009, 04:17 AM

    His new obligations because he is married now are not your problem and the court does not care one bit.

    Stop being nice about it and take him to court. Do not ask his opinion and do not waiver. You gave him his chance to play nicely. Now do what is best for your children.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #6

    Apr 2, 2009, 06:04 AM

    Well I have two problems with this. First, things like soccer and dance are not necessities. They wouldn't be covered under a support agreement. Second, you are being too nice in letting him talk you out of making modifications.

    Let your attorney guide you on what to ask for and tell him that if he doesn't agree to make modifications you will have your attorney contact him.
    twitapated's Avatar
    twitapated Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Apr 2, 2009, 08:42 AM
    Thank you all very much for the input, I know what has to be done. I have sort of always felt like a failure for having to divorce, and once I accepted it, I wanted to create a Demi/ Bruce type divorce where we could have a successful divirce if that menas anything. Our children are very happy believe it or not I have worked very hard to keep there connection with daddy. You guys have made me see that taking care of them means that have to make sure financially they are cared for as well as emotionally. Thanks I appreciate the feed back.

    twitapated
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,919, Reputation: 5431
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    #8

    Apr 2, 2009, 08:54 AM

    I'm glad we were able to help. And I suspect daddy is not Bruce.
    twitapated's Avatar
    twitapated Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Apr 3, 2009, 08:20 AM
    What ever gave you that impression, No he is no Bruce Willis, hence the term Divorce. Thatnks again for the feedback.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,701, Reputation: 1438
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    #10

    Apr 3, 2009, 02:19 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by twitapated View Post
    I have been divorced for three years, me and my ex husband have joint custody of our two children, although I have guardianship and they reside with me full time. When we divorced our children were 5 and 8 months, and the situation was working out fine. Now he has remarried and now the situation has changed. He does pay for the medical expenses for the children but hey are never sick so that cost is low, also he pays 350.00 for two children for support. The children are now 9 and 3 and have other expenses  like soccer and dance that he refuses to contribute. The original decree stated that we were supposed to revisit the agreement each year to make any changes needed. we can never do that because each time I try to address it he tells me about all his new bills he has now that he is married. I am a military mother and I have remarried also I was called to active duty fora year as a reservist but when I return my salary will go back to 32,000 dollars. I have asked him to consider letting me cover the girls medically to assist  him in his financial woes but he insist on keeping that cost so what do I do, the expenses for the children grow each year, should I just leave things alone or modify the custody agreement to request more support. :confused
    Your best bet right now is to not rock the boat. You might weigh the cost of everything and see that for the moment your about to move out of position of custody. When you go on active duty he will have every right to take over custody should he choose. Rocking the boat now might give him ideas about doing just that. In the end you would be the one responsible for paying child support and also not have your children to put to bed every night. Think about that. You might wait until after you have returned before moving forward with anything at this point.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,919, Reputation: 5431
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    #11

    Apr 3, 2009, 02:43 PM

    califdadof3 disagrees: its only part right. The part about needing approval or his disapproval is needed before going to court. There has to be effort before impass. That's what the court decreed.
    I'm curious as to why I got a reddie for asking for more information.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,701, Reputation: 1438
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    #12

    Apr 3, 2009, 03:05 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Do you need his approval before you take him to court to make adjustments to the support situation? Do you have an attorney? Discuss this with him/her.
    Ok, here is your explination. When you posted " do you need his approval before you take him to court " The OP had already explained that there is a court order in place. The fact stands that she needs something from the ex to show she has followed the court order and gave a earnst effort. You made it sound retorical and that she should skip an important step. In today's letigiuos courtrooms it pays to dot the I's and cross the T's. If the OP skips that important court ordered step she could end up with court costs and an outcome that she doesn't want. Its wasn't in the best interest of the OP's case.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,919, Reputation: 5431
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    #13

    Apr 3, 2009, 05:58 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by twitapated View Post
    What ever gave you that impression, No he is no Bruce Willis
    You had said "I wanted to create a Demi/ Bruce type divorce where we could have a successful divirce." I thought that was cute and was just responding to it.

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