OK, before my husband and I met, he had an affair with a married woman, and may have fathered a child. He lived in NY at the time. From the time him and I got together the woman put our relationship through all kinds of craziness using the baby as a weapon. The baby was presumed to be her husband's child because that's the law in NY, therefore the husband is listed on the birth cert. The husband is fully aware that more than likely my husband is the father of his youngest of 3 children.
When the baby was 6months old he attended my brother-in-laws funeral with his mother as part of the family. When the baby turned a year old, a party was had at my mother-in-laws home(on top of the party with the mother's family). When the baby was a year and a few months, he spent like one or two weekends at our house. My husband has always wanted to be a part of this child's life, but a paternity test was never done. We have tried and tried to do things amicably and every time things are OK at first, but go crazy a few months later. The baby is now 6. We(my husband, two children and myself) were re-introduced into his(the baby's) life about 7-8months ago. The child was told by his mother that my husband is his dad, and we have established a relationship with him. We've been paying voluntary child support, and a portion of my husband's inheritance from HIS father was given to the mother for the child. The mother didn't feel it was enough in comparison to the amount he received - regardless of the amount of bills we had to pay off in order to make sure we can do for the child with less strain on our budget. NOW, she no longer wants to accept our checks, and will not allow us to pick the child up because all of a sudden - after a 1-week vacation we all took together, 4 days that he spent in our home, hundreds of phone calls, etc - she claims she can't trust him(my husband). We have always wanted a paternity test, but because SHE doesn't want to lose the total control, her husband will not give consent to establish paternity. Is there any way to get around the fact that her husband is the legal father with regard to requesting paternity?? My husband wants to be a father to this child if he's his, but there's always a game to be played by the mother... please help...

Oh I'm sorry... we now live in FL... two different counties...

You don't need a court order to do a paternity test. They do have home test kits that when the child visits next you could use. Its not binding as far as court goes but it will tell you yes or no on the initial paternity test. That way you know for sure where you stand. What you have to remember is that anything given at this point is a gift. And the husband has just as much access to the funds. Why kill the golden goose ? There is no incentive for him to do anything as far as getting the child declared another mans child.

Stop the maddness and start doing things right. Do the home test DNA and see where you stand. Once you know for sure then proceed from there. Its games like this that can tear children apart. Be the adults and be proactive.