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    mitochondria's Avatar
    mitochondria Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    I'm looking for answers, not opinions.
     
    #1

    Apr 2, 2015, 04:56 PM
    Is it against the law in any way to be touched (non sexually) without consent?
    A relative of mine that I live with seems to think it's okay to hug me and such without my permission, after I've made it very clear that I am NOT comfortable being touched and that I do not WANT to be touched. Is this illegal? Is there a law against it? Something I could use to make it stop?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,771, Reputation: 5427
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    #2

    Apr 2, 2015, 04:58 PM
    Your age? His age? Your relationship?

    Is he trying to be cute? What's going on in his head?
    mitochondria's Avatar
    mitochondria Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    I'm looking for answers, not opinions.
     
    #3

    Apr 2, 2015, 05:00 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Your age? His age? Your relationship?

    Is he trying to be cute? What's going on in his head?
    He's my biological father. I'm 16, I'm not sure how old he is. I don't talk to him and he tries touching me to get a rise.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,970, Reputation: 6056
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    #4

    Apr 2, 2015, 05:03 PM
    There are laws against assault, there are laws against improper sexual touching. But I doubt if there is a law against a father hugging his child. I would talk to a guidance counselor at school about this.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,771, Reputation: 5427
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    #5

    Apr 2, 2015, 05:05 PM
    Is your mom there? Has she interceded for you? Or wouldn't he care? Is he new to your household?

    I had an uncle like that. I did my best to stay away from him.
    mitochondria's Avatar
    mitochondria Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    I'm looking for answers, not opinions.
     
    #6

    Apr 2, 2015, 05:07 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Is your mom there? Has she interceded for you? Or wouldn't he care? Is he new to your household?

    I had an uncle like that. I did my best to stay away from him.
    He is new to the household. I try to stay away with him but I have to leave my room occasionally (bathroom/getting food, of course). My mother looks the other way.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,771, Reputation: 5427
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    #7

    Apr 2, 2015, 05:18 PM
    The more you resist and avoid him, the more he's going to make efforts to hug you "to get a rise out of you." Is he teasing or on the edge of abusive? Does he think maybe you don't appreciate him? How about wheeling and dealing with him -- one (honest) hug a day after supper? ...just thinking...
    mitochondria's Avatar
    mitochondria Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    I'm looking for answers, not opinions.
     
    #8

    Apr 2, 2015, 05:23 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    The more you resist and avoid him, the more he's going to make efforts to hug you "to get a rise out of you." Is he teasing or on the edge of abusive? Does he think maybe you don't appreciate him? How about wheeling and dealing with him -- one (honest) hug a day after supper? ...just thinking...
    I do not talk to him and I do not want him touching me. Ever. I want him to stop. Thank you for the suggestions, though.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,771, Reputation: 5427
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    #9

    Apr 2, 2015, 05:28 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by mitochondria View Post
    I do not talk to him and I do not want him touching me. Ever. I want him to stop. Thank you for the suggestions, though.
    Then, take Scott's suggestion and talk to your guidance counselor about this. You need an adult on your side. (My uncle had to be flayed alive by my mother to get him to leave me alone. NO ONE messed with my mother.)
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,280, Reputation: 7690
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    #10

    Apr 2, 2015, 08:36 PM
    But this is her father, and he merely wants to give her a hug. If it is not sexual, and he is merely trying to get to know her. It sounds like he has been out of her life and is now in it.

    Many cultures hugs are normal and expected.

    I guess, I may ask, why it is such an issue, if there a hatred for the father, or resentment?
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #11

    Apr 3, 2015, 04:51 AM
    I'd set up a time to sit with him, and your mom, to talk about it. Acknowledge that you know he is your father, but tell him that he also needs to understand that he is new to you.. Let him know, again so your mother hears, that he needs to give you more time to get to know him and for a relationship to grow, before you are are comfortable receiving hugs or physical contact, from him.

    Start getting to know him by talking to him... a simple good morning, or how was work, "would you like a drink" when you are getting yourself one. Watch some television together... make a comment on something you see.

    For now anyway you are in the same household, best to try and make a decent situation out of it so that you can live comfortably.

    Obviously there were some kind of issues in the past if you don't know him but he is living there now. If they were between your mom and him, perhaps they are working them out. If you feel he kept himself out of your life previously, ask about it. He may have had reasons that he felt were valid, he may have just been a jerk about it, he may have not been told you exisisted, who knows, but he is there now and possibly wants to make ammends... he just may not know how.

    Family counseling would likely be of benefit for all of you. I strongly suggest that you bring it up when you have that mature and honest talk with him and your mom.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,919, Reputation: 10852
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    #12

    Apr 3, 2015, 06:06 AM
    The only way to get this resolved, for better or worse, is by communicating between the two of you. He seems to be wanting to get a rise from you because you seem to be ignoring or avoiding him. He wants to know why, and you should tell him.

    I also think thats what your mom wants too.
    AK lawyer's Avatar
    AK lawyer Posts: 12,592, Reputation: 977
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    #13

    Apr 3, 2015, 07:30 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    ... But this is her father, and he merely wants to give her a hug. ...
    Not that it matters, but I don't know whether the OP is a boy or a girl, actually.

    In this forum, we are asked for, and try to give mainly "legal" answers, not touchy-feely (play-on-words intended) advice about talking it out, getting counseling, etc.

    Legally, unwanted touching is (strictly speaking) an assault and battery. Whether the authorities would decide to prosecute under these circumstances is another matter.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,919, Reputation: 10852
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    #14

    Apr 3, 2015, 07:45 AM
    I gotcha AK, however conflict resolution between parties is often the first steps recommended before taking legal courses of actions.

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