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dragonfish · Feb 27, 2009, 12:06 PM

My 16-year-old son no longer wishes to live with his mother. His grades are poor and his mother is seldom home to assist him. She doesn't use the support money from me each week to put away for my son's schooling, for clothing or activities. She's even tapped into his savings account and used the money I put in it for his car. Her ex-boyfriend also abused her and nearly hit my son. What can we do to petition the court for my son to live with me and my girlfriend of 6 years (we live in IN). My girlfriend and I both have full time jobs; we are educated; and have a home versus my ex's apartment lifestyle. Can petitioning the court be costly? Thank you!

cdad · Feb 27, 2009, 04:48 PM

What you need to do is get a lawyer and go to court over it. You petition the courts for a change in custody. They may or may not listen to your son at that time. Also you need to keep strict records and document everything.

cadillac59 · Mar 1, 2009, 10:56 AM

While it's not the law, in my opinion a 16 year old should be able to decide where he or she wishes to live. Plain and simple. Sometimes we need bright line rules on things to save everyone time and trouble and get things done. We do it with speed limits, stop signs, age of majority and a myriad of other things. This issue comes up enough, I think we need a straighforward policy decision on this by the legislature.

But, as the law stands, you simply need to file a motion to change custody and cite your reasons. Your son's preference may be a factor the court considers.

nikosmom · Mar 1, 2009, 11:41 AM

As Califdad said, you need to document everything that is going on and have proof of what you say. You said her "ex-boyfriend" abused her; if she got out of the relationship this may not factor in. Given the age of the child, the court may consider his feelings but it depends on how legitimate your claims are. Often courts are reluctant to remove a child from the mother unless there is proof that the environment is unsafe or hostile.

Have you tried sitting down and talking with her? This may be a long shot, but maybe have a rational sit-down over coffee in a public place (without the new GF present!). Tell her that he wishes to move into your home and you'd like to see if you can try it out for a defined period (say a school year- which is about 9 mos). If you can agree on a time frame, see if his behavior/grades improve then make a permanent decision from there. I'd try this first if possible before going straight to court. If the 2 of you can come to an agreement beforehand, it'll make the legal part a little easier/less painful.

cadillac59 · Mar 1, 2009, 11:46 AM

Often courts are reluctant to remove a child from the mother unless there is proof that the environment is unsafe or hostile.

Shouldn't that be remove a child from a custodial parent instead of a mother?

Is there some mystical magic about being female or having female body parts that makes that person presumptively a better parent?